Monthly Archives: January 2020

I’m officially 30 years old

First, My apologizes for making this WAY later into Thursday then I would normally have done it. I promise Monday’s blog will be right on time in the morning! This also will be a bit more personal in the sense that it doesn’t really have the subject of “Streaming” that I’m sure people are growing use to seeing by now. I’m currently putting some more blue dye in my hair so figures that this would be a perfect time for me to really hammer this out as I wait for it to set in.

I cannot believe I am 30 years old. I feel like for some reason I am still 25 though, Why that age I have no idea! Its hard to believe that another year has passed. This year is going to be a whole bunch of 1st for me. They are scary 1sts, exciting ones not to mention straight up WHACKED and hard for me to even wrap my head around but here goes.

1st Major Event
The birth of our First son. I cannot believe this has passed so quickly. I feel like it was only yesterday that I found out early one morning and was sharing the news with my boyfriend that we were in fact going to be parents. The fact that we have been chosen by such a little boy and every moment we have hearing his heart beat or seeing him on the ultrasound is just amazing. It really is a moment that is extremely hard to explain because its actually happening. Though there have been moments where I seen like I am an alien from outer space with a living being inside of me waiting to rip out and escape. It really is amazing. And the fact that my BF can now feel him kick with his hands when we lay in bed is an even better feeling. I get to share sensations that I have been feeling with him so he knows what it feels like as well too. Im also a little mad at myself for not getting everything ready when I should have and not feel some what scrambled at trying to get things settled. Basement sorted so that Im able to have the spare bed in his room brought downstairs. The furniture also needs to be assembled and decorated too. There is so much to do but spending as much time as I did in the basement today really seemed to help ease that a little bit! I’m determined to have the basement sorted this weekend if its the last thing I do! (also another reason why this Blog is happening so damn late too!)

10 Years Together
           It is also completely mad to think that my boyfriend has legit put up with me for the past 10 years this upcoming December. Sure it’s actually a year away but it is so insane to think about. We have traveled to Quebec and Nova Scotia together. Invited our cat and now dog into the family. We have moved from one province to another. Dealt with tremendous times apart due to his traveling with his job. There seriously has been so much. Sure, We aren’t the under 25 year olds having a baby and raising a family but I feel lucky that we also waited so long. Before I would get upset that we are older having kids. Fact is, My parents were our age when they had myself and my brother and sister. I don’t feel like we missed anything as a couple. I feel like we have experienced the house parties, the bar scene, the dancing til out legs were rubber that starting a family together just seems like the right thing to do now. It is extremely hard to believe that in about 8 or so weeks we will have our baby here. Our 1st son. And in another year we will hopefully be home owners again and able to buy our forever home to grow our family some more as well too!

I mean after all, How could I NOT touch base on this. I am beyond ecstatic that I started to do this even if it did start as a joke. Especially today when justice was served to someone in particular but that’s a subject Id rather not get into here. The amount of people I have met through streaming and gaming in general is quite insane. Some people I know we may have never crossed paths with had it not been for gaming. Streaming and gaming in my opinion is a way to being sometimes the most unlikely of people together over a common goal. And normally that goal is to have fun! My time on twitch is so small compared to some of the veterans who have been around but I look forward to the challenge of balancing a baby and stream and networking will come. Not to mention trying to keep myself relevant and able to get some growth from this as well too! I have learned so much about this platform and career/hobby pastime and I know that there is still a whole lot more to learn as well too. there are a lot of viewers and friends who I have never even met and I would consider them family here. Not to mention the amazing stream team that I am a part of and hope to keep seeing what we can all do this year! Especially after the huge charity stream as well this past December for Toys for Tots! I cannot WAIT to see how the 2020 year unfolds and wish nothing but the best for each and every one of you as well too!

And Lastly but certainly not least, ME!
This may be the most challenging part especially with the birth of our first child. I need to take more “ME” time. I need to do more self care. It is so easy to fall into the routine to be lazy and forget about things. Push social media aside and simply disconnect. I need to do my best to take that time to have a bath or relax. Read a book or just watch a TV show too. I need to not be lazy and do my makeup even if I’m not leaving the house because I know that makes me feel better or look over old photos too! All of these things are huge and I really want to focus on them! Not to mention working out again when I’m able to and ready to with my body after this little fellow is born! So easily we want to help others (Most of us) and so easily we put ourselves last. Mind you my son will be first I also should be a priority as well too. I shouldn’t forget that I do matter too!

Hopefully this wasn’t too sappy for all of you, And see you again on Monday with some Stream NO’S, Chosen by YOU!


An Open Letter to Twitch

Firstly, let this be a warning that this is going to be long, emotional, and also maybe a bit personal as well too. My goal in writing this is that MAYBE some of you reading this feel the same way, and would like to start holding Twitch up to the standards that they set.

Here is my personal story from the last week about this:

I was playing DBD on my stream. I main the game, love the game whatever. Pre-game lobby I noticed a viewer in my list by the name of ***** (I wont be sharing the name, You can find it by going back through my tweets on the video that was viewed over 1.7k times last I seen). Game was against a Michael Myers. I was immersed and seen by the killer. Cool. I was then hooked. Now on MY SCREEN it appeared that this person then camped me, with Michael’s stalking so that there was no heartbeat. As I was saved they immediately came back and hooked me a second time when I gave up and was done and over with the game. When in the end game lobby (I was the first person to die I think? If not the second one to die). When I was in the end game lobby the person had their name with *****|TTV…. The same name that was in my chat THE ENTIRE GAME! I instantly banned them, And obviously while heated said they were a fucking idiot, they were extremely greasy, and if they wanted to stream snipe people, maybe use a different name so when they are in someones chat they aren’t seen so easily. Of course I was pissed that someone played the same game and was sitting in my chat. It’s a greasy move. For anyone wondering, Survivors cannot see the killers user name til AFTER the game, Killers can however see the user name of survivors.

One might ask, Well how did he know you are a streamer? My name on steam is “StaySeeJ08” however on my profile I have a streamer on twitch with my twitch link. This person directly went to my channel from looking at my profile. I was not the one who had “TTV” in my name. Now looking back, Sure I could have handled my words a bit wiser. Anyone in this situation thinks that way and reacts on emotions instead of thinking things through. It really is a crap situation when you have someone who tries to ruin a game.

Here is the kicker though, After my stream I went back to their VOD. Maybe I WAS over-reacting, Maybe they legit weren’t stream sniping and was in my chat waiting for whatever reason. Who knows. I went back to the time I checked their stream (After the game when I discovered their username) I went to the pre-lobby when we all entered in. At this point I seen this person checking profiles. Okay cool, That’s how they went to my channel, BUT while in the process of checking out my things, They felt the need to Harass me AND belittle me. They specifically said things like “I cant believe she is on a STREAM TEAM! She only has 13 subs, I have 42 subs!” and “How can she be sponsored with such little sub counts! I have way more then she does”+”I cant believe this”. At this point it’s looking like my reactions were in fact correct, Though after watching the game stream sniping can for sure be debatable. It’s not til AFTER I banned him from my channel for the suspected sniping that I continue to watch the VOD. This individual is now in voice chat with their friend where their friend asks “Do you have tits?” at some point because for some reason it is super hard to believe that someone “Like me” is on an actual stream team based on my low subs or the fact that I have a sponsor through my ORG since you know, low sub counts. Apparently I don’t provide enough for my viewers that they feel the need to comment about my weight next. The streamer whom I accused of sniping which I now know was in fact targeting me (Which was also stated on a clip on my twitter when they said “I’m not even going to lie, I targeted her this game”) made this statement “I’m supposed to kill you, That’s my job. What do you expect me to do, Suck your dick? Which I’m sure you have one under all of those rolls.” For the record. I am 7 months pregnant, so yes, I do have a roll. In fact, It is one large roll that normally kicks from time to time. He will be born end of February or beginning of March.

Now sure, I accept the fact that this individual streamer may feel heated, rightfully so, as was I. He has every right to comment on me calling him the names I did. What he doesn’t have the right to do, Is comment about my weight, Comment about my subs or viewers, or even comment about my channel. I never commented about his physical appearance, his channel, his sub counts, but for some reason this person feels the need to attack me in this way because quite frankly, there is nothing else to comment about.

As per his concerns:
” How can an e-sports player act like this? This is exactly the problem in E-sports.”
— I am not an E-Sports player. I am a content creator on a stream team which has e-sports teams for varies BR’s and different games. None of which I play or am on the team for.

“How can she get a sponsor, she only has 13 subs?”
— The sponsor seen on my profile is that of my teams. However, If you were that concerned about sponsors then you can EASILY create an email to ANY type of person you want, Elgato, Supplements, Energy drinks, etc. After doing so you can see if they will sponsor YOU and there you have it.

“I know a friend who is a pharmacist tho knows stuff and in my opinion she isn’t pregnant shes just fat, Ive seen when she sits up”
— I am due between March 7th to 11th. There is photos on my twitter, Instagram as well of the ultrasound. If it was that big of a concern you would see the photos as of recently at 30ish weeks and a year ago are very different in terms of my body. As well as twitch clips on my YouTube as well too. My body has changed a lot in the last year. And I wouldn’t change that for the world. Not that I was super skinny before my son will be born, but I am a lot bigger now with him growing, Naturally.

“She has a busy background on her cam, OMG”
— This is an art project that I started in 2019. It began with the FeelsStonedMan and continued rotating with partner and affiliates painting an emote from their channel (With their permission). This was something I did on Sundays (Which I know you can relate to since you sketch up designs for you VR things).

As for your YouTube video as well. Seems the comments are super interesting. Whoever you are talking to D’Jango Markov .. You look like a desperate person for attention comment to them as if it was me. You have seen my YouTube. I put my short clips there. No click bait. They are just there as a place holder that some day maybe Ill learn to edit. The only thing I have done is like comments and obviously down vote your video. You have sadly played yourself here by talking to someone which you seemingly respond to as if it was me. Why, On YouTube would I make a fake account to comment when I have used my public twitter, discord is also public FYI since your Friends so desperately think “There is no way to communicate since she shut that down”. You know my YouTube name why would I change it and especially to something like D’Jango which has no relation to myself? That just sounds silly. Whats pathetic is you and your friends continuously talking about it on stream and my weight. And for the record. Stats don’t mean anything. You can have a higher average viewers, higher average, (BTW the day I had 80 viewers average was when I was on front page for a fundraiser for charity. It has nothing to do with the team hosting/raiding me. Thanks) I’m not entirely sure which route you would like to take, but this whole “Comparing” each of us is something YOU have become obsessed with. Not me. Clearly something completely bothers you about my stream or my personality or my viewers or my socials if you continuously feel the need to come at me like this.

Now back to the behavior, Is this acceptable for Twitch as a company to allow happen to their broadcasters? Now mind you this individual has gathered his viewers and also reported me (Note: He was banned back in August of 2019 as well for whatever reason according to his twitter). I have also gathered mine and reported him for harassment and bullying. What has happened? Nothing. Nothing at all. Not to mention there is now a YouTube about myself extremely edited and using my stream without my consent as well too. I could blame myself since I made the 1st move to Twitter with the clips. If there is one thing, I’m not going to be harassed and bullied BEFORE THE GAME EVEN STARTED. His response when questioned on the YouTube video about not putting certain clips I had that skewed his view, was that I skewed my view of him. Touché. However, Do not claim you put “Unedited” footage into a video when you clearly edited the pre-game lobby when the hate was spewing before the game even began. For someone who seems to point to myself as “Playing a victim” card, It seems to me that the only victim(s) here are the people who haven’t truly seen/heard what you have said about me. Especially the end game lobby when the trash talk had started and I was no longer in the lobby to defend myself either. It was brought to twitter. No mention about it on streams for 3 days, make that 4 counting last nights since this person seems to mention it avery time someone in chat mentions the world “Elf sniping”. If people come in my chat, I simply say we aren’t discussing that subject and move on. However day in and day out there seems to be an obsession with this individual who comments continuously for 2-3 hours per stream about this, Not to mention having one of their viewers “lurk” my channel to see if anything is said (Which its not). If you spent half as much time on trying to focus on your own channel instead of others maybe you wouldn’t have been banned back in August of last year. Just maybe.

Which makes me want to ask the question: At which point does harassment/bullying/targeting in game bring consequences? Is there a point?

Twitch, You do a pretty HORRIBLE job at helping your platform be safe. I’m not saying that every little thing should be reported and nit picked however being on the platform for nearly 3 years the amount of abuse, targeting and harassment to all different types of people need to be addressed. From being in my friends streams who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community having to deal with hateful messages, and people of color having to see racist comments as well as both communities dealing with usernames that are SO OBVIOUS but super bizarre that some type of Twitch algorithm does not pick up on these. There is a lot of clever people as well so I wont deny that, but why is is such that the obvious names are let to slip through the cracks with people who have the ability to abuse others and belittle them based on varies reasons?

It is 2020, there HAS to be some sort of reason or way for you to adopt a system like say Overwatch, Or other games on your platform (Dead by daylight this is also at YOU!) to at least acknowledge that a report has gone through, a person will investigate and or the results of such ie: Action has been taken against *Username*, Findings unclear, Nothing has been against ToS. Sure, It will take man power but you know what it can also do, Give a few more jobs from your company to deserving people.

There is no denying that Twitch is by far the leading platform as far as viewers, streamers, unique content, and overall experience. That being said, Why are you not STRIVING to hold your content creators to the utmost highest standard? It takes outside forces for particular streamers such as law enforcement, PETA, etc, to make the first call instead of YOU. I get it. I’m not blind. These streamers have thousands of subscribers and are generating you money. Do you not think that there is someone else on the platform ready and willing to be the best person they can be to replace these people? Does a paycheck from these entertainers mean so much that they can bend the rules?

2020 is already here. The amount of controversy that has been laid out in 2019 is astounding in the world of streaming. Especially on this platform alone. You were the ones who said that We, The streamers and community wanted a clearer and respectfully precise standard for your ToS. You said that is what WE wanted. We still don’t have any clearer picture here. It’s foggy and it is completely bias sometimes as well. Sure, Every case is different. I get that, however there are some things COMPLETELY black and white that are still being ignored and unaddressed. Why do you have to wait for a controversy or a major uproar in order to do something about this. Set HIGH standards before there is a riot.

As for viewers, This little piece is for you. If “booby streamers” are that big of a problem. STOP GIVING THEM ATTENTION! Personally, I could care less if boobs are half hanging out, or if butts are being shaken. Personally, I am not comfortable doing that but if that’s how someone pays their bills who are we to judge that. If they are within ToS let them be, and if they aren’t, Stop sharing clips of them. You are only fueling their success about it. Bringing MORE people to their channels. Start fighting for real issues here. Racism, Homophobia, Sexism, Bullying, Targeting, Transphobia. I could go on with SO MANY MORE types of things that are FAR more important to fight for instead of a pair of boobs on the screen.

And with that, If you read to the end of this, Congrats. I didn’t think half the people would. This is my feelings right now. Something has to change.


My Personal Stream/Life Goals For 2020

Whoa! Whose this writing a blog, being informative and putting more time in to something that I don’t have time to do. If you are already here you basically know who I am. If not I would suggest clicking the “Who Am I” tab near the top for the quick facts! For the record, We will do our best to keep things PG13 in the sense that there will not be any swear words to discover in these writings, However there will be strong opinions and stances on topics mostly related to gaming however with life ever impacting things there will also be topics slide in there too!

Setting goals on whatever subject can legit be a tough thing to do. Whether they are about streaming, gaming, life, weight loss or any other type of goals. Firstly, a person has to think about which type of goals do they want, You have 2 choices (At least I’m my opinion, Keep it simple!) Short term and long term goals. There are also medium term goals but I normally focus on short and long for myself. Medium can be harder to really establish since they still have to be achievable while still being motivating as well too.

For myself, I will be setting short term goals and long term ones for the year 2020. My short term ones will be changing and evaluated every month. I keep track of stats for streaming and see how I am doing. Example: How is my viewers, Do I have growth? How is my social presence? After the month I check where I am at and see what I need to do. Ask myself questions like, If I didn’t reach a goal why didn’t I reach it? Was I slacking on twitter? Did I slack on hours for streaming so I wasn’t available for people to watch the stream? Those are how I set short term goals. I make sure that they are attainable. I also make sure that at the end of the month I’m not going to be let down. Say you are at 500 followers on twitch or twitter, Setting a goal short term of wanting to hit 1000 or 1500 in a month is SUPER unrealistic. And normally not attainable. That would be more like a 6 month goal (Medium term) or even better a 12 month goal (Long term). When these types of unreachable goals are unmet at the end of the month it makes it harder to continue and is a good reason to give up. Especially if you sometimes find it easy to be hard on yourself and can lose motivation really easily (Like myself!).

Long term ones are a bit harder. You have to almost predict your future and see how you do in a sense. Ask yourself, Where do I see myself at this very moment a year from now? For me, It is a bit tricky for sure considering in March we will be having our first baby. Long term is more like a feeling for me. Which contradicts my whole previous written stance on goals. My goal long terms it so continue to retain social media presence and a “Semi” Regular stream schedule. Which we all know will be impossible or at least next to that, BUT for me it will be more like, Stream 50 hours a month. Whenever and whatever. I will probably be doing more laid back things, Like a simulator game or even reacting to videos in “Just Chatting”. It will be more laid back and probably times when a webcam will not be used due to the fact that breast feeding (However long I decide to do it) while on cam is just not for me. (And if people do it then so be it! I just am not going to be that person!).

Here is the point form of goals I will be setting for myself on all platforms I wish to focus on:

Short term goals, To be checked at the end of every month.
1 post of discord link a day
1 Question/Poll a day
1 Photo a day of anything
1 Going live tweet (If going live on that day)
25+ Followers per month

2 Clips a week (Mon/Fri)
3 Going live posts (Sun/Tue/Wed)
1 Blog Screen shot (Thurs)
1 Random video post (Sat)

25+ Followers per month
50-80 hours streamed per month (Closer to 50 hours after baby is born)
1 giveaway of a steam key per month (Minimum)

Long term goals:
4750 followers by December 31st 2020
35k tweets by December 31st 2020

25k Followers by December 31st 2020
1200 Posts/Clips etc by December 31st 2020

3500 Followers by December 31st 2020
10-20 Average viewers by December 31st 2020 (As baby grows)

With that being said, These are my goals. I will be trying to re-check as it goes since obviously having a baby is a HUGE change in anyone’s life. Long term goals may change slightly just depends on how they go and what not.

Another change that will be happening is a minor schedule change, From Sunday-Wednesday. And one stream of 10am-4pm as well too. 6 hours a day and 4 days a week. I think the transition will be great in terms of trying to take more of a backseat/support role as well for when the baby is born.

Whether you want to to make short term, long term, random goals. Goals are great in helping a person stay on track. I cant wait to hear what YOUR goals are and what they are about and how you are going to reach them too! Remember it is also important to note that there will be months that aren’t as productive as other months, and some months your stats may soar where others months they may flop. THAT IS OKAY! Don’t panic and keep on track! May 2020 be a year to accomplish different things and reach new heights!