As anyone who is trying to lose weight knows, it is very easy to get into a cycle that is not only toxic to themselves but borderline self harm.

I am in one of those cycles right now.

My cycle that I have been open about for years based on previous blogs is this. I wake up. I do so well all day. Not over eating not binging on junk excessively. To the point I also keep extremely well calorie notes also normally get my workout in also. Stuff like That. One would think this would be setting myself up for a successful day. It doesn’t. Once night hits and my 1st son is asleep and my second is settling foe the night I then think how great it would be to smoke some weed. I normally roll half a gram, and then I get a good buzz. I wouldn’t say I get super high or anything due to the fact that I have been smoking it for so long. And what happens next? I throw away every single thing that I worked hard to do all day when I start to munch uncontrollably.

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Workouts have been semi consistent. I have still been doing my workout Dvd’s. Eventually I will bring the Elliptical back in a few days a week however with one son really only napping and my youngest sometimes being awake during when I would workout it really can be quite challenging. Workout dvds are about 30-40 minutes which is a great start for me considering I don’t do basically anything for exercise unless you are counting when I do house work or chasing my eldest son around!

Munching has it’s better days. Did not follow my own rule of not smoking though. Which I really need to since I again am self sabotaging myself majorly. I know exactly what I am doing but in the moment I am only thinking about junk and not what happens a few hours later when I feel like crap. Over night I feel icky when my stomach is gross. Next day I hate myself for doing it yet again. But at the end of the day I know I can stop smoking. Ive done it 2x for pregnancy. However with isolation and staying home as much as possible it is my glass of wine at the end of the day. I need to implement healthy habits when I smoke so that I am not feeling like absolute shit for myself.

There is this cycle that I have that I need to break. I need to stop self sabotaging. Here is some concrete goals though. Let’s make them now.

• By the end of Feb 2022 I would like to be under 235lbs. As of today I weight 245.6lbs. That is 10lbs. Not totally unrealistic and totally doable.
• Smoke less weed. Self sabotage is real and if I cant control binging I need to stop what is causing me to do it.
• Do some sort of workout a minimum of 4 days per week.

I can do this.