Tag Archives: friends

When To Let Go Of a Friendship

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Letting go of friendships can be one of the hardest things you ever do. Evidently enough it is even harder the longer that you have been friends with them. The fact is, it is okay to outgrow a friendship. Whether it be for different reasons such as drifting apart or your goals and dreams both change, or it even be because they are creating a toxic environment in your life.

For a long time I was HORRIBLE at ending a friendship. I was the type of friend that would give any friend the shirt off my back. The problem with this is that I was blind to just how I was being treated. I was the “too nice” friend. I was the person who would drop anything in a heartbeat if you needed it. The problem was when I did this it was normally for people who would use me and take advantage of my kind heart. Eventually when you are in these kinds of friendships or even relationships you have to end it because you are mentally drained with nothing left in the tank to give anymore.

There are many subtle red flags so to speak when it comes to a friendship not being as genuine. These are just some tips that I have noticed when looking back over the years why I have drifted apart with people in my life. It can happen really rapidly or it can happen super slowly over time. For me I would say the majority of these things happened when my boyfriend pointed out to me that some of my “friends” were not even friends at all. They were people who just wanted to take whatever they could from me.

One red flag that I think just about anyone can relate to is “The Convenience” friend. This is the type of person who expects you to be around any time of day or night for whenever they have some crisis or life event happening. However, whenever you need someone to talk to or vent or even just hang with they are suddenly busy or no where to be found. They also typically get mad at you when you are unable to be there for them. Often they hold a grudge at you and if you even think about mentioning to them how you felt when they were “inconveniently” unavailable during the time you needed some help and someone to talk with, they suddenly have this huge problem to deflect from the fact they were a crummy friend. Eventually you will grow apart with this person because nothing is more of a bummer in life is having a friends who only thinks and cares for themselves.

The “Ultimatum” friend sucks. I don’t really think there can be anything more blunt than this. This is the type of friend who gives you an ultimatum in friendship. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I had a friend like this. I had been really close with them for the past 2 years or year whatever before I met him. When we were dating he was not a fan of smoking weed. I smoked it though being with him I slowly stopped (Now it is legal in Canada no problem). He was worried because his job didn’t allow this and he didn’t want to get in some sort of trouble. This friend and I smoked a lot of weed, and I mean a lot. We went through some tough times and helped one another. When I told her I was slowly stopping weed not because I am trying but because being with him made me not want to be stoned as much. She gave me an ultimatum. Either stay friends with her, or leave my boyfriend who we had just moved in together and the amount of good he had and still brings to my life. Naturally I left that friend. Why would I stay friends with someone who makes me choose? That didn’t even make sense. And low and behold I am still with my boyfriend after all of those years. Did I ever stay in touch with the friend? No. They moved across the country and had their own things. Any time I reached out I was met with ignoring messages and not even acknowledged. When you have a friend like this chances are they are telling you this because they know that you are drifting away and this is their last ditch effort to bring you back in to their circle. Most times it isn’t worth it and you shouldn’t have choose between a friend and a relationship.

The “User” friend could also be considered in the last friend I talked about in the ultimatum part. The problem with these types of people in your life is that they don’t normally take everything at once. They take little by little and then they never give back. Ive had people like this who use my kindness and use me for things. This became ever so evident once I got my license. People would always call when they want you to drive them somewhere but they would conveniently pay for gas on pay day, they would say they would give you something in return but not have that at the time. It is always a “Ill hit you back next time” when that next time never comes. Typically when they have acquired enough debt so to speak (Not necessarily money) they disappear. I seen this with people who used others as it is a lot easier to see them do this to others than to yourself. The faster you see this the easier it is to let go and move on.

Regardless of which friend you are walking away from or whatever the reason may be. It sucks. There is no easy way to do it. Some people I stopped talking to I had talked to for years. And it is hard. Especially if you talk frequently or daily. You grab a phone to dial their number or text or message online, and you stop yourself because you don’t want to bring that back. I will say though, The longer you aren’t talking to this individual, the easier it is to not talk to them again. It may be a struggle at first and you have to take every inch of will power to not contact them. But after time passes and you can look at it with a fresh perspective, You will be so happy to be gone!

Do you have friends you have left before? What were your reasons and do you regret it?

Let me know in the comments below!

-StaySeeJ

Streaming with other Streamers, Making connections with their Community

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Playing with fellow streamers is a great way to mix 2 communities of similar interests. Whether you have been friends before or you are simply looking to make new friends, This can be a fun way to even produce some quality content for your viewers especially if you both play similar games, or are of the same skill level as well too! I myself am not normally playing with friends who stream regularly but I do game with friends normally especially playing Dead by Daylight. Though I am not apposed to streaming and gaming with someone I just tend to be very picky on who I play with due to past reasons. I do this because it helps time to go by and when there is moments of a quiet chat you can still talk and not feel like there is a lot of dead air too.

What is streaming with other streamers? Well this is when you are both playing a game or even doing a just chatting together too. It could be producing any content with another person. You probably have seen streamers like TimTheTatman playing with DrLupo or Ninja together as well. Sometimes people even do this when certain games release.

One of the most important things to remember when duo streaming and gaming with other streamers, and I cannot stress this enough, is respect. Remember before I go into my thoughts about this that respect goes both ways. There is nothing more annoying when you are streaming with another streamer then when they DO NOT  use a push to talk or some type of mute function when streaming with someone else. This is just a simple and easy to show respect. It is extremely annoying when you are playing with someone and maybe they have a few more people in their chat, Or you have a few more in yours, and all you hear is them thanking their viewers or having a full blown conversation. This should be a no brainer when it comes to streaming with another streamer but it really isn’t. Not to mention it can be extremely annoying when you are hearing everything they are saying. I had to do this when I was playing on PS4 because there is no function that would allow a push to mute/talk. Now that I use discord to communicate with team members I would ALWAYS use this. Heck, I wont even play with people on stream or live if they wont use this.  Another aspect of this would be cross self promo. I have had this a few times and it is extremely annoying and frustrating to deal with. I have had people who subscribe to me feel like they support my stream and content, when in reality that is their way of playing with me and streaming and making comments like “Send some of them viewers over my way”, “Can always check out my stream”. This is not only invasive but extremely rude. Though for me I find it can be extremely hard to speak up against this that I typically never play with them again if this happens. Kind of a lesson learned moment. Respect that each other have their own streams and let things happen naturally. Not only that, But if you are the person who is trying to say things like this then you will look like a total loser to the other community or other streamers. Not to mention as well, If I regularly play with someone and they are a streamer as well, Chances are I will be shouting them out to my community or vice versa at the end of the day.

Being Genuine and having natural connections are kind of similar but so different. Being genuine means to not be fake about why you want to stream with a streamer. If you both play totally different games it may look super suspicious if you want to play a game with them, ie: Maybe the streamer plays fortnite and you play something like Dead by Daylight. You wanting to play with them is fine, But if your only motive is to get some of their viewers to watch you then that might not be a wise decision. Most times streamers will know when someone is being sneaky and trying to play with them for personal gain. If they don’t know right away eventually they will figure it out. I know for me, It was pretty obvious when the people would only show up When I was live or when I had a bunch of viewers in chat. If there wasn’t as many as my regular numbers they wouldn’t be around. And again when the numbers were there they would come back.

Finally, I think this goes without saying. If you are in fact ONLY streaming with someone to essentially try and steal their viewers. It will not work. This is the same reason why people dont ask for raids and things. Because at the end of the day it really does not do anything and will not help you grow. The viewer may look at your stream sure, but they will always go back to the orgional stream they came from even if both of you are live. Chances are they have built a connection already with the streamer and their community and would like to keep looking at their content, though they may check out your stream if the streamer is not online or on vacation or something, Just to fill that void.

So be smart, kind and genuine. I know as someone who follows streamer twitter this can be a very challenging thing to do. And remember as I have mentioned before in blogs multiple times, You cannot rush a friendship and like all good things they take time! And be careful, After all, If something is said or done on your stream by someone who is on it, it will fall back on you. If someone you know wants to play but they swear or use dirigatory words, it may be best to pass up and maybe play with them off line.


-StaySeeJ08