Letting go of friendships can be one of the hardest things you ever do. Evidently enough it is even harder the longer that you have been friends with them. The fact is, it is okay to outgrow a friendship. Whether it be for different reasons such as drifting apart or your goals and dreams both change, or it even be because they are creating a toxic environment in your life.
For a long time I was HORRIBLE at ending a friendship. I was the type of friend that would give any friend the shirt off my back. The problem with this is that I was blind to just how I was being treated. I was the “too nice” friend. I was the person who would drop anything in a heartbeat if you needed it. The problem was when I did this it was normally for people who would use me and take advantage of my kind heart. Eventually when you are in these kinds of friendships or even relationships you have to end it because you are mentally drained with nothing left in the tank to give anymore.
There are many subtle red flags so to speak when it comes to a friendship not being as genuine. These are just some tips that I have noticed when looking back over the years why I have drifted apart with people in my life. It can happen really rapidly or it can happen super slowly over time. For me I would say the majority of these things happened when my boyfriend pointed out to me that some of my “friends” were not even friends at all. They were people who just wanted to take whatever they could from me.
One red flag that I think just about anyone can relate to is “The Convenience” friend. This is the type of person who expects you to be around any time of day or night for whenever they have some crisis or life event happening. However, whenever you need someone to talk to or vent or even just hang with they are suddenly busy or no where to be found. They also typically get mad at you when you are unable to be there for them. Often they hold a grudge at you and if you even think about mentioning to them how you felt when they were “inconveniently” unavailable during the time you needed some help and someone to talk with, they suddenly have this huge problem to deflect from the fact they were a crummy friend. Eventually you will grow apart with this person because nothing is more of a bummer in life is having a friends who only thinks and cares for themselves.
The “Ultimatum” friend sucks. I don’t really think there can be anything more blunt than this. This is the type of friend who gives you an ultimatum in friendship. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I had a friend like this. I had been really close with them for the past 2 years or year whatever before I met him. When we were dating he was not a fan of smoking weed. I smoked it though being with him I slowly stopped (Now it is legal in Canada no problem). He was worried because his job didn’t allow this and he didn’t want to get in some sort of trouble. This friend and I smoked a lot of weed, and I mean a lot. We went through some tough times and helped one another. When I told her I was slowly stopping weed not because I am trying but because being with him made me not want to be stoned as much. She gave me an ultimatum. Either stay friends with her, or leave my boyfriend who we had just moved in together and the amount of good he had and still brings to my life. Naturally I left that friend. Why would I stay friends with someone who makes me choose? That didn’t even make sense. And low and behold I am still with my boyfriend after all of those years. Did I ever stay in touch with the friend? No. They moved across the country and had their own things. Any time I reached out I was met with ignoring messages and not even acknowledged. When you have a friend like this chances are they are telling you this because they know that you are drifting away and this is their last ditch effort to bring you back in to their circle. Most times it isn’t worth it and you shouldn’t have choose between a friend and a relationship.
The “User” friend could also be considered in the last friend I talked about in the ultimatum part. The problem with these types of people in your life is that they don’t normally take everything at once. They take little by little and then they never give back. Ive had people like this who use my kindness and use me for things. This became ever so evident once I got my license. People would always call when they want you to drive them somewhere but they would conveniently pay for gas on pay day, they would say they would give you something in return but not have that at the time. It is always a “Ill hit you back next time” when that next time never comes. Typically when they have acquired enough debt so to speak (Not necessarily money) they disappear. I seen this with people who used others as it is a lot easier to see them do this to others than to yourself. The faster you see this the easier it is to let go and move on.
Regardless of which friend you are walking away from or whatever the reason may be. It sucks. There is no easy way to do it. Some people I stopped talking to I had talked to for years. And it is hard. Especially if you talk frequently or daily. You grab a phone to dial their number or text or message online, and you stop yourself because you don’t want to bring that back. I will say though, The longer you aren’t talking to this individual, the easier it is to not talk to them again. It may be a struggle at first and you have to take every inch of will power to not contact them. But after time passes and you can look at it with a fresh perspective, You will be so happy to be gone!
Do you have friends you have left before? What were your reasons and do you regret it?
Let me know in the comments below!