Parenting is one of the hardest, roughest, questionable, and most rewarding things you will ever do in your entire life. However, there is so much that isn’t really talked about. Whether you have been around babies many times or you haven’t been around them at all, there is so many thing that are happening that you may be wondering if you’re even parenting right. Spoiler alert: There is no right or wrong way to parent. However, after becoming a mom of 3 wonderful boys who keep myself and my husband on our toes, here are some tips that are about parenting that no one ever talks about, so that you can maybe be better prepared for when these moments begin to come up! Something we had to learn along the way, hopefully this helps you!
And as a side note also, though there is no right or wrong way to parent, there certainly is safer ways to parent and help your children grow too. One of the toxic things with parenting is that people always say “You do you Mama” which implies that you do whatever you want to your own children and it’s judgement free. You can bet your ass, if you are doing something unsafe and gloating about it, I am going to be calling you out. An example of this I talk about is Co-sleeping with your baby in your bed. At the end of the day, co-sleeping is not safe. I know this. I also know that I have co-slept more with our 3rd fella than I have my other two. I’m not about to sit here though and preach how safe it is. I know it isn’t safe, I did it anyway, I know the risks. However, at the end of the day there just are some things that you can do as a parent that are not as safe as other things. Period
Phantom crying not to be confused with the sleep crying are two of them. Phantom crying is when you think you hear your baby crying however they may not be. After having 3 kids I can say that I still get this. Whether I wake up from a sleep, or I’m watching TV and pause the video or mute the sound so that I can see if I hear crying. This is just your mind playing little tricks on you. 9 out of 10 times when you check your camera or on your little one they aren’t even moving and are sleeping soundly or playing by themselves. This was so bad that I had to give my husband the camera because I barely slept soundly if at all because I always thought I would hear them cry. Though I think he also hates this because I now wake him up a little bit when I think I hear crying only to be told that they are indeed sound asleep! I would like to say as they grow and get bigger it does slowly and surely become a distant thought but it does last a while, at least in my case!
Sleep crying is another thing no one talks about. As your baby begins to grow, they will start connecting their sleep cycles, as they do this they will sometimes let out a cry in their sleep or have a little crying spell. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this though I do understand the immediate panic when you hear it and you want to pick up your baby only to do so and either wake them as they are cranky and or you have them fall back asleep right away. Sometimes you can just put a soother in or you are able to put a hand on their chest and they are able to pass this moment faster. You will probably notice this more so when you are doing something like grabbing a shower, or on the toilet when they start to do this little cry, by the time you actually get our or off the throne you can see they really are back to snoozing.
Another thing is the “witching hour”. Sounds spooky right? Wrong. This is a period of time when it can also be similar to “purple crying”. You literally could be doing everything your supposed to be doing. Fed them, changed, rocked, cuddled, put down for them to lay on their back, music, lights on, lights off. There is so many things you can be doing and they just cry and cry and cry and cry. One of the hardest things you can do is keep doing what you are doing. Instinctively you want to try to be doing more and trying to fix the problem, when in reality it just is a part of growing. For myself, the witching hours normally was the early evening with all of my boys. Keep reminding yourself that this moment will pass and if you can, and are able to, switch with a partner. Hearing them cry and feeling like a failure are so very very hard on any parent, even myself as a 3rd time one. Being able to switch with a partner to take turns dealing with your baby who just is upset to be upset is a huge relief too. Also give one another reminders that they are doing a great job or that this too will pass.
And finally, there is no straight line to parenting, or anything to the likes. whether you bottle feed, formula feed, whatever. There is no specific time line. Here is a huge bit though: If something has a guideline for an age, ie: Clothing for a specific size, or even nipple sizes for the bottles, maybe size two for 3-6 month olds. DO YOUR OWN THING. None of my kids every followed any size things, in fact, my 2 year old is wearing the same size clothes as their older brother. While these have to be on specific things like clothes, they are just a suggestion and in more cases than not, they are waaaaaay different than supposed to be!
Stacey J. Girard 