Category Archives: Hard Subjects

Where I put the hardest topics to talk about here. ie: There will be a trigger warning and if you aren’t interested in these I completely understand!

I Pick My Scabs

If you haven’t read the title this could be a major trigger warning for some people. I have talked about some struggles that I have had before such as my picky eating here but this is a slightly different type of issue that I have had my entire life. this post may be triggering to some people and to others I am sure it will be more than relatable.

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I pick my scabs/cuts/scrapes. There I said it. I know what you are probably thinking to, but why? I really don’t know how to explain it. When I get cut or scraped it’s like an impulse comes over me where I just want to pick the scab off. I know there is probably also some sort of medical name for this but honestly, I never really googled it. I also never really talk about it. I just do it. Maybe I do it because I want to see myself bleed a bit more. Maybe I want the scab to make a scar. Maybe I just have nothing else better to do with my time that I just feel some sense of relief when I do end up picking a scab. This has been happening since as long as I could remember. It isn’t something that I think needs to be addressed in term of mental health.

Sometimes it does get so bad though that I have to actually physically cut my nails so that they are no longer able to pick anymore. I say bad like it can be seen as a bad thing but sometimes I just drive myself nuts. This also goes along the lines that I just am tired of picking. I also am majorly a pimple popper. In the terms that I will pick and pop pimples even though I know that they will leave scars on my face.

I will say, maybe not as confidentiality as I would like that eventually as I grew up I don’t think things were as bad. When I was younger I had a really bad habit of biting the skin around my nails and cuticles. This however was so bad it would only stop when I put actual bandaids on my fingers so I could no longer pick or bite them anymore. Then as I got older and painted my nails, even had gel nails for the longest times it because a really easy thing to avoid because I took pride in my nails. Even now I haven’t had real gel nails for the longest time however I am fairly confident that I wont be going back to biting my nails any time soon!

I know if you too are diagnosed with this you may be trying to pin point the reasons why I do this. When I was a teenager I may have agreed that stress or being nervous was a reason. However as I grew up it doesn’t seem to be the case. Its just if I have a cut or scrape I pick. The only way I stop is, as mentioned cutting my nails, or if the scab has healed enough that it can no longer be picked. When I was nervous or stressed as a kid I typically would bit the insides of my mouth. That was a tell tale sign that I was nervous. Particularly before I was in a bowling tournament I would bit my lips and the skin inside my mouth a lot.

I also don’t think it helps at all that I do have typically dryer than normal skin. I have always had medicated creams to help because I just have skin on my feet that I have picked, or my arms that start to peel too. my feet were particularly bad as a kid to the point I was the only person growing up who had to wear sneakers and socks in the summer time. Going bare feet was a big no no because I would have cracked and bleeding feet.

And I know, you also are probably thinking, why haven’t I talked about this with a professional. Why haven’t I actually put time into understanding why I do this. Maybe its because as much as I am aware of it, maybe I don’t see it as that big of a problem. I just am mindful that it is one of those weird and quirky habits that I have dealt with my entire life and chances are I always will. It does bother me to some extend if I have something that I cannot stop picking but at the end of the day I guess the only person I technically am hurting is myself.

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I know by writing this too, hopefully if there are others who too feel the same that I do, maybe they wont feel so alone. thinking about why I do it or how can be kind of isolating. I know that it is a very strange habit to have and that I am maybe a rare individual. however I am sure there are people who have done these due to various reasons for maybe mental health, disabilities, drug abuse. For me, to be blunt. I guess it was always some sort of a relief. It made me feel a sense of accomplishment. Another thing that I do like also is once I picked something trying to “doctor” it up. Whether with a little bit of cream, maybe some band aides, something in that realm. I can say that when I am stressed that doesn’t seem to be a reason why this happens. Maybe when I was younger as the examples I pointed out, but as an adult. Nope.

Will I ever stop? Maybe. I will say that I do try not to do this in front of my kids because I do know that impact could very well rub off on them. But I do try to be mindful and keep it to before I had a shower or even being alone. Sometimes I go through phases where I do it impulsively, others its more out of habit. But at the end of the day, I sometimes just cant help it.

How to Quit Smoking or Vaping

If you are a smoker you know just how hard it is to drop the habit. Regardless if the country you live keeps putting the price of cigarettes up you still keep paying because, wait for it, reality check, you’re addicted. No one wants to admit that. The same goes for vaping. And to be honest, I think I was more addicted to vaping than I was to the cigarettes. I vaped in the house, the car, everywhere I was for so long. And smoking I only did it until the prices were a lot.

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I will say though, For me, I did quit smoking weed (Though I did quit vaping with my first pregnancy just as easily) which I talk about here. Now I’m not saying “oh you want to quit smoking and vaping just get pregnant, simple.” Because obviously if you are not wanting a baby that is a whole other issue that you will have to deal with! But these are tried and true methods that I have seen from family and friends to do in order to quit both of these once and for all.

What you don’t want to do is swap cigarettes for vapes. That is by no means a solution and if anything you are still creating a new and potentially damaging habit that just is swapping one for another. Because eventually you too will have to quit vaping and what are you going to do then? Find another thing to swap for that suits your need. No. If you want to quit either just don’t swap them for one another. That is what I did and I swear I vaped more than I ever smoked because it was so convenient. This was obviously pre-kids because once I had kids I stopped smoking all together, well nicotine that is since I do still smoke weed. Which I talk about in this blog post here.

One major option that does take a lot of willpower is quitting “cold turkey”. You know, just stop. Just never buy another pack, never get more vape juice, just quit. Are the first few days going to suck? Yep. Are you going to want to give in and buy another because it may seem tough? you bet. Don’t. If you have made the conscious decision to just quit and not look back. Do it. Don’t give in and use all your willpower. If you have to make a list why you wanted to do this than also reference this.

As mentioned, you don’t want to swap out smoking with vaping. However one thing I have seen people to is swap smoking for something like gum or Tik-Tacs. not the nicotine gum. I mean just something to have in their mouth in place of a cigarette. A lot of times we get addicted to the habit. For me it was the vape replaces the process of me bringing the cigarette towards my mouth. Having these little things on hand can be huge. That way you are still doing the motion. One thing that I have seen a friend of my parents do that used to smoke is drink water. Anytime they wanted to smoke they would take a drink of water. Sure they were probably going to the bathroom a whole lot more but that was something that they really thought helped. And just like anything, it does take a while to develop a habit so you have to keep reminding yourself to actually take that drink or put the Tik-Tac in your mouth too!

Another swap you do not want to do is food. People say will often say “if I smoke I stay skinny”, Sure. Because nicotine is low key an appetite suppressant. But that may be because the people who are quitting haven’t developed a habit that is safe and or not eating, to fill the void. Maybe you read or maybe you do crafts. For me I quit easily because I was pregnant. Something clicked and I was done. But I still felt like I wanted to vape and I still felt like if I wasn’t I should be eating. Maybe that is why I felt like eating a lot with my oldest. That being said I also developed a habit of starting to sew and craft more. That way I was doing things with my hands and I wasn’t left just trying to bring the food to my mouth when I would be puffing.

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Another great reinforcement that is positive is there is plenty of apps out there now that you can use to track how many days or even hours that you have without nicotine and smokes. These can be helpful because when you stop smoking your body is beginning to repair itself. This is such a cool thing to see because obviously we don’t know what is happening inside of our bodies but it is refreshing to see that even if we are smokers for years there is damage that can slowly repair itself. the human body is wonderful and even if its been years and years of smoking there is no reason not to make the decision to quit.

I think though it should be said, whether you try hypno-therapy, or acupuncture, or whatever treatments, if you don’t really deep down want to quit smoking then chances are you won’t. You can’t really do this for other people and you can;+’t really just go at this half-assed so to speak. You have to want to quit smoking for yourself first. Whether that reason is to save money, for your health, for the simple fact that you are bored of it. You have to be the one making this decision and you are the one who has to be quitting. You can’t quit for anyone and hope it sticks. And sometimes you may have a minor relapse. It happens. But don’t beat yourself up. Refocus your mindset and why you quit to begin with and restart. Just because you quit once and came back doesn’t mean you are a failure. It just means that there is one more little hiccup to overcome!

A letter to my Ex

Dear Dumbass,

Yes. You are a fucking idiot. I know already this post will be mean, and cruel but that is nothing in compare to what you have done to me when I was so young. I feel like after 10+ years I am finally able to write this even though I know there is a strong chance you will never get to read this. I would put you name on blast here but maybe with the help of people on Halifax Twitter they can pass it along to people from Liverpool and you will see what a thriving adult I have become with no thanks to you.

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Dating you was by far one of the darkest times of my life. I was 18 years old and you were old enough to know better than to be an abuser. You took advantage of who I was and how I was in life. I was easy going, I was kind, I would give anyone the shirt off of my back, including you. I hate that I was so blindly in love with you than I allowed you to take advantage of me financially, mentally, and physically. I am finally getting over the fact that I was too shy or afraid to say no and that I ignored all of the red flags that were so bright even astronauts in space could have seen them. I never knew that my first romantic relationship officially would be the worst one of my entire life.

I will never thank you for anything that has brought me to where I am in life. Instead the experience of me being with an actual abuser has taught me a lot.

*** If you would like to support this blog financially you are more than welcome to do so by clicking this link here to bring you to my Ko-Fi website. Supporting the blog via tips is NEVER pressured however if you feel so inclined to help out in another way this is a perfect way to do so! You can see some behind the scenes items as well as insider info on the store updates and uncensored blogs also coming soon!

I now know what I wanted in a partner. I wanted someone who had a job. And no I dont mean the dead end jobs that you quit after a few weeks because you just wanted to stay home and blow all of my money on weed and poker. I wanted someone with a stable job. One that could support me if I ever needed it. I wanted someone who could afford their own apartment. Not renting a room in a large space, I mean someone who actually was renting their own apartment because they had the job to afford it. I also deserved someone who had their license and a vehicle. I was tired of busing from Sackville to Halifax to see you when you did nothing in return. I knew this was something I deserved after putting up with you for 2 years.

One of the best things to happen to me was driving by your house with a friend on Canada Day in 2020 or around there to find out that you in fact had some girl over. Funny story, You actually got her pregnant while with me. That was the ending that I needed to rid you from my life. And you know what, You also abused her apparently. Who would have thought right. Shocking I know.

Fast forward to 12 years later. I still sometimes Facebook search you. I see your profiles. You know the multiple ones you continue to create every few years when you are running from your problems. Hell, I even googled your name AG (Yeah, Let’s use initials now, maybe I can warn someone of how toxic you are). You know what I found, How you escaped from a mental health floor in Halifax. I felt relief that I had dodged that bullet. I truly believe if I was still with you I would have been dead by now. I also haven’t continued to block your accounts because I want you to see what little I show publicly and how I am thriving. How I am doing so much better than when I was with you.

You may be asking, But why am I writing this letter to you now AG. Why, that would be because in a few months (If not sooner) my goal is to release a collection of poetry. This collections will be on subjects that do have abuse and hatred in them. A lot of the times when I talk and write about domestic violence and how you made me feel it is in regards to you. I never mention your name in them but if for some reason they end up in your lap know that you are still that piece of shit you were when I was 18 years old. When you stole my money, when you played poker on my credit cards, when you broke my possessions because you got mad and thought breaking MY stuff was cool, or when you stole money from me to buy weed or other drugs, or when you left me in the cold because a drink accidentally got spilled on you at the bar. Oh and lets not forget the bloody lips, the countless bruises, the thrown glasses, or the time you stabbed me in the leg with a pair of scissors. You did all that. Or even the times you defrauded my bank account or made me sign you up for a cell phone because you have NO credit either.

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They say that life only throws what you can handle. Well I barely could handle you. I will again never say I am thankful for anything that you have done for me. You did teach me a lot about myself indirectly. AG you are the worst relationship anyone could ever have. The only thing missing was murder. I like to think that because I had to endure you for so long that the universe has rewarded me with my lifetime love. Again, maybe I am finally getting the courage to write this out due to my poetry and author debut coming up. Maybe I finally feel like I am ready to kind of share how it feels for a part of my life and how much I was hiding from everyone. Maybe secretly I hope you read this and you continue to know what a piece of shit you actually are. I know you have more kids who you probably don’t see. And have never been in a long term relationship either.

Before I go though. I won’t go into too much detail, I want you to know this.
I am incredible. You were lucky to even have me once let alone twice for the second year. I am happy that you threw me aside and I picked myself back up again because I was too young to have left you. Right now as I write this my two son’s are asleep. I am sitting in my nice warm house. Not rented, Owned. I have a spouse who loves me for every single flaw you helped to create. He and I have been together since about 8 months after I was with you. It was scary for me to date again. But as I mentioned I knew what I wanted. I have a vehicle and a license. I no longer need to take the bus to see anyone. I have a cat who is not abused like your cats were and I also have a dog. I am debt free and I am at a point in my life where I want everyone to know that I am just as incredible as I always was. I keep people around who want to be around and get rid of dead weight when they use or abuse me. Since being in what one would say a relationship, as shitty as it was, I have had so many positive experiences and relationships.

I hope you are jealous.

Get your copy of the Darkness here

My High School Ecstasy Addiction

Before I begin, I’m writing this for a few reasons. One being a release of my poetry book. The Darkness touches on some of life darkest subjects. One of those being drug abuse. And before anyone says “bUt hOw dId yOuR pArEnTs nOt KnOw”. Well what can I say, I was a good liar and embellished the truth when the time came up. My hope is that by sharing this story that maybe, just maybe you will notice some things on your own instead of having it happen behind your back. Plus as a parent, Id like to think I could notice this with my kids when they are older in the event that they too find their way into this lifestyle even if only briefly.

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It started super innocently, doesn’t it all? I had friends who liked to occasionally do ecstasy for dances. I was a stoner and figures why not? It was a one time thing and it would be an experience. Normally people have a few drinks and what not but this time I wanted to have a bit more fun. I was 17 (I think) and it was the summer months. Maybe May. I obviously only took one and it was enough. I wanted to dance and dance and dance. I felt invincible. Like I had energy of 100 people and the night would never end. To say I never enjoyed it I would be lying.It was so different than smoking weed, I felt like I had energy and could go non-stop. Much different then the weed that I was used to smoking which made me more sluggish and chilled out. This was the opposite.

*** If you are someone who is really enjoying the blogs and has the financial freedom to want to support this through tips, you are more than welcome to do so by clicking on this link to bring you to my personal Ko-Fi page. Never will you ever be pressured to support in this way however the option is there if you wish to do so! Your continued support regardless of financial or not is greatly appreciated

Fast forward. I wanted to do it more. I wanted to do it at parties. I wanted to do it at my workplace. Lucky for me I worked at Burger King and there were also staff members who also dabbled into these so we would do them on our nights. The evenings would literally fly by and well would be on top of our game. If anything it would enhance our experience of working because we had an unlimited amount of motivation and energy (so it seemed). Where we worked so late by the time we would come down we would also be heading to bed so it kind of worked out in the end. Even still we would maybe just end up staying a bit later if anything. Sitting in the back parking lot when the store closed and then smoking a joint or chain smoking cigarettes.

Soon I was buying between 10 to 20 pills at a time. I was selling some to make my money back. I was using them while at work, in school, partying, hockey games, anywhere. I was even doing them alone in my room with all of my trippy lights too. It honestly never mattered. And what is worse is I was smoking like a champ whenever I was on them. I was hiding it from people I was gloating to others that I could do ecstasy and function. The high was amazing but the come down was not. I felt drained and just sad. Because ecstasy messed with your mind literally giving you a feeling of happiness when it is gone from your system you feel down, empty. Like you needed some sort of pick me up to bring you back out of this type of slump.

So now your wondering how did I quit? Well. I still did it occasionally up until I was 21. Mind you it was far far less of a daily occurrence and maybe a once or twice a year thing or something that I did in the clubs while partying. It wasn’t done at my job and it wasn’t as in the open so to speak. I just couldn’t keep doing it like when I was a teenager. Nor did I have the money to do it like that either. It was something that I would get if I knew anyone who had any at the time and I would just do it for a treat. I know that sounds absolutely nutty but that is the truth.

Then my 21st birthday happened. I had a random pill left from ones I had bought a while ago. It was like something snapped. I was an adult everywhere in the world. I was just getting high with some friends (weed that is) and I had this one solo pill. I threw it out the window. Like threw it out the car window as a friend was driving me home from a night of geting baked smoking weed. Now as an adult with kids, I probably should have flushed it but I cant turn back time and that is what happened. It was like something had happened where I was ready to close that chapter of my life. I was just over that part of my partying days. That was it. I think because I was barely doing it anyway it was easy for me to not do it anymore. Had I still been deep into taking pills or MDMA like I was when I was younger, I may not have had an easy time to give it up.

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Do I regret taking that pill for the dance that night? Maybe. There was a lot of situations that I put myself in that were risky beyond words. Did it help me grow or teach me things about my life? Yes. Looking back though, I am thankful that nothing more serious happened, and the fact I could stop on my own without outside help too. There is for sure moments now as an adult that I wonder just how I got through them. Some sketchy parties were around and things like that.

If you would like to purchase the book you are more than welcome to do so here, though the link is for the Canadian site you may need to be redirected to the Amazon sited for your Country to be able to purchase a copy for yourself!

I’m Addicted to Sugar

If anyone can say that are addicted to sugar I am one of them. I’m writing this as more of a self loathing piece but also as a hand out stretched to others who may also be feeling the same way that I do. I know that I am not alone here and maybe by writing about it others too can feel some solidarity. It is not something that is in our head, an addiction to sugar is a very real addiction.

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If you are anything like me, cutting out sugar is just unrealistic and you will do alright for a few days and then you will bounce back eating just as much sugar as you did in one sitting as you did for the few days you stuck to your cutting back. This is me. 

It starts like this, the sugar cycle if you will. It starts normally with a major binge. And I’m not talking like we had a bowl of chips and a chocolate bar type of binge. I’m taking about 3 Aero bars, maybe some gummy bears, a bowl of ice cream or a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, maybe even a second helping. Then I have NEARLY instant regret as I feel my stomach turning and the worst part is this is normally in the evening so I am also heading to bed soon. By doing this so late (or even at all) I know I will have a restless sleep and I wont be good the next morning because again, I will feel over stuffed (because I am). The next day I dont even want to think about food until the mid day because I am that full from the night before. And sometimes it will repeat for a few days and sometimes it ends there and I do alright with sugar for the next few days.

*** If you are someone who is really enjoying the blogs and has the financial freedom to want to support this through tips, you are more than welcome to do so by clicking on this link to bring you to my personal Ko-Fi page. Never will you ever be pressured to support in this way however the option is there if you wish to do so! Your continued support regardless of financial or not is greatly appreciated

If this sounds anything like you, know that you are not alone. For some reason I associate this type of junk food with happiness. Never do I really eat when I’m feeling bad. Normally I won’t have a need or feel for junk. But when I feel happy I feel like eating this crap like it makes me feel better? It never does.

They say that sugar addiction can be just as hard to curb as something similar to harder drugs like methamphetamine or even cocaine. I would agree with this. It can be just as damaging also though maybe in ways you may not see like you would a meth addict. But in long term illnesses that creep up after years and years. It can even ruin your teeth also. Coming off of sugar or drastically cutting back can also have am effect on yourself too. I know for me, when I begin to cut back or limit my sugar intake I tend to have some sort of headache from not having anything. Not to mention it makes me cranky and I am always thinking about what I will eat and when too. Or even thinking about a binge where I will randomly order junk food for delivery and then really eating all of the junk food in the house. And before anyone says, “Why do you even have that in your house”. I believe in self control even if I have none sometimes. I want to have it around because if it wasn’t I know that I would be far worse than I am now.

So where does that leave us? Where does that leave me? Continue to keep this deadly (eventually) cycle going? End all sugar and risk binging and bouncing back? No. This is a moment when I take control of my life. I need to be mindful and take care of my body. For multiple reasons. And it starts today.

From this day forward, I am going to make more mindful, and conscious decisions about the sugar I consume. I will limit when I have it. Meaning I am going to so my very best to not binge after 8pm. Maybe even 7pm also too. Setting this limit will hopefully be a great way to limit sugar since more often than not it seems to be night when I tend to do my binging. And primarily on sugar. I am also keeping track of calories again. I need to lose weight and everyone knows sugar is not going to make that happen. This wont happen overnight. I know also that. There will be slip ups. That is okay. I will learn, and move on. I let days snowball when I have a bad one and I need to let them just end. Not gathering more days from self hatred.

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What I wont be doing is actually counting the grams of sugar that I consume. Why? Because I already have a minor obsession with weighing myself that I am afraid if I add something else in terms of counting or monitoring I will drive myself crazy. And let’s be honest here, do I really need to know that in a can of pop or a chocolate bar that there is too much sugar for me to be eating multiple? No. So by adding more for me to keep track of it is only going to make my mindset paranoid about whether or not I am eating too much or too little.

Now. Let’s be mindful. Be strong. We can beat this addiction just as many before us have done and many after us have done. It wont happen instantly. It wont even happen fast. But the reward at the end is so much better and the time will be worth it!

Circumcision Should Be Banned

We are on fire with these hot topics lately right? Well buckle up because this is something that I couldn’t agree with more strongly either but here we are. If this blog post makes you uncomfortable, to be blunt, it should. Nothing about this should be comfortable. This is a subject that I think shouldn’t even be a practice, however it is still being done even in Nova Scotia let alone I am sure better parts of the world.

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Circumcision of little boys should be banned across the globe because unless it is performed due to a medical reason, it is genital mutilation for a boy. Plain and simple. I dont care what the reason is unless it is medically suggested for a child to be circumcised so that they are able to lead a normal lifestyle for whatever reason it should never be done. This also includes the ever popular religious reasons as well as the “cleanliness” one also.

*** If you are someone who is really enjoying the blogs and has the financial freedom to want to support this through tips, you are more than welcome to do so by clicking on this link to bring you to my personal Ko-Fi page. Never will you ever be pressured to support in this way however the option is there if you wish to do so! Your continued support regardless of financial or not is greatly appreciated.

There are many reasons (not legitimate) that parents choose this for their little boy. One of those reasons being religion. Now, I know what you are thinking, “But Stacey, is that not a legitimate reason”. My short answer is No. Using religion in 2022 to base a reason to permanently mutilate your child’s penis is not a reason to do it. Again, if medically necessary sure. This is something I believe to be the only acceptable reason to have the procedure completed. Religion is fine for folks, I understand that people need it in their lives, what I dont think is it needs to be used as a reason to cut the excess skin from a babies penis so that it is permanently removed. This includes all religions also, not just specific ones. If a religion has something where they can do this regardless of which, it should not be allowed.

Another reason that you see often is cosmetic. They want it done because it “looks” better. Does it though? Does it really? This is such a poor, sad, excuse. Did you know that there are so many tiny nerve endings in a foreskin. When it is removed those endings are also removed, they are not moved or replaced they are gone. Thus a little boy loses sensation to some extent on how it feels when they are pleasured in that area. Is this something that should be allowed in today’s day and age? And before someone says “But they can have a surgery to try and replace it as adults blah blah blah”. Sure they do have one, but it will never replace the original skin that was there.

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Another reason is people are lead to believe that removing it makes a penis cleaner. I can say will full confidence, my two son’s are not circumcised because I obviously am against permanently mutilating my son’s for the rest of their lives. If they choose as adults to want to get it done sure, they can do what they please, but for me as a mother I will not be making that decision unless it was medically suggested to me by a medical professional. I also can say with full confidence that there is no extra added measures that I have ever had to do to keep my son’s penis cleaned. There is no added work to be done, books to read, or help hotlines to call (Maybe the last isn’t really a thing but you get it). Using this reason is a pathetic excuse to do a barbaric and outdated practice for your little one.

Another thing I have seen online and I am looking at you spouses, “I let my husband/spouse make the decision because he has the penis and I dont” WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?? You both have this child and your opinion is just as important as your partner’s regardless of who has the body parts or not. Don’t ever think that you dont have a reason to have a say in this because you both made this baby and you both have the right to make a decision that is life changing even if choosing to go forward with it is wrong in my opinion.

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I think it also speaks volumes to the double standard. When little girls in some cultures would have their labia or whatever have you down there trimmed for cosmetic reasons, it was banned in Canada (not sure of the status in the world) and is considered a criminal offense. Again unless medically suggested it is mutilating a baby for no reason what so ever. So why is it that unless medically needed is it not criminal to get a boy circumcised? So often you see this going the other way but why is the same type of procedure accepted in one and not the other?

Another point to be known, in Nova Scotia (I live here!) it can be extremely hard to even find a doctor who is willing to do this surgery. You can have it done at the IWK children’s hospital if it is deemed medically necessary, however going to outside doctors for this can be hard. Not to mention there is a specific time frame that you must have it done before it has to be done at a later age. If this was still as common like it was in the 90’s why is it so hard to actually find a doctor that is willing to perform this procedure?

And lastly, there was a post about it in one of the mommy groups I am in (Another toxic blog coming up about that in the future, look out for that!) someone had stated that they wanted to have their child done because their husband/baby daddy had his done. The perfect response came from another man and it said this “Basically you want to mutilate your son’s genitals without his consent because your spouse had his genitals mutilated without his consent”. I dont think that could have been a more perfect answer to the blunt reason’s why people choose to do this to their little fellas.

How the Pandemic Changed My Life

I think it is safe to say that every single person on the planet is basically effected by the pandemic in one way shape or form. Whether you have kids, don’t have kids, are older or younger, live alone or live with someone else. There is so many things that effected millions of people across the globe but this is something I think just about everyone who is aware of what is happening can agree with.

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Having a child at the very beginning of the pandemic is hard. I know for myself and my partner we got so incredibly lucky when it came to having our first son. When we had our son Vincent (Birth story here) we had him 9 days early. Luckily this was huge because had we have had him late and past his due date we would have had to deal with far more restrictions when it came to going through labour. It seems like as soon as he was born not a few weeks later we had to deal with so many new rules of society that it was unbelievable how lucky we actually got. We also got lucky because my partner was taking the full 9 months parental since this was our first and it just so happened to line up with the major break in cases where we lived also. For him to not have to worry about going to work and we only had to leave the house for the bare minimum it helped a lot with anxiety not having to worry about him seeing many many people through his job.

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We lived in Quebec when the pandemic first began and it was one of the hot spots in Canada. The amount of cases flew up quicker than many other provinces which is not a good place you want to be. In contrast to that, we currently live at home in Nova Scotia and in this province there is so little cases compared to Quebec that it is like a dream. Not to mention some of the rules Quebec had for months like absolutely no family around at all, even over the holidays. At least in Nova Scotia there was 10 people maximum. Then we also had a curfew in Quebec too which Nova Scotia never had during the entire pandemic since the beginning. Though again, having a child during the curfew really was not that big of a deal for us. After all, what are the chances we would be leaving after 8pm anyways.

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One thing I will say that I find very challenging is the fact you have to limit who you see or talk to due to the spread and wanting to share things with others. For myself, I find it hard to limit contact even though I must for the safety of my family, is because we moved back home and have a new child, well we had one new baby and now we have 2 sons! Indistinctly when you have children you want to share them with all of your closest family members and what not. During a pandemic obviously we haven’t been doing that. We keep it to close family and we have very strict rules on who can see our children.

Another aspect with children however I don’t think it really applies to me because my children are so young, is that school and other activities are disrupted. My kids are still under the age of 2 currently so for us to not go hang out with different people it really never happened before. Since I am also being a stay at home mom too my kids also are not missing out on day care too. I think if they were regularly to do things like sports, or even hobbies outside of the home like much older children may be doing, and having that taken away, they may be impacted more however they are not really impacted by that aspect of life since they are not able to do that yet! Which leads me to the next way the pandemic has changed me.

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Vaccinations. I know, the big elephant in the room is that during the pandemic you see who are the Facebook university graduates and who are the people who believe in science. My partner and I are firm believers of vaccinations especially with covid. You can read more about why I believe even a vaccine passport is a good idea here. We have a very strict rule that if people are unwilling to get a vaccine based on medical science they will not be around our children. Simple. The ONLY and I mean ONLY exception to this would be Christmas because I know that I don’t want my parents to be upset if we decline due to my sibling who is one of these graduates. The fact is we will only be there for a few hours and even still, that is pushing it. this member of my family has not even met my 2nd son because we won’t be around.

Overall the pandemic has changed my life in many ways. Though I think the fact that my partner and I have been more so on the hermit side of life now that we are older I don’t feel like it has effected us or myself as much as it would have if I was say 10 years younger. We no longer went to bars, or went to parties as often as we once did. We stay home, enjoy one another company, game with friends online, and just have a few friends over from time to time. Though I do know people my age that do a lot of things in the public and enjoy social lives far busier than us, they are feeling the changes a lot more than we had been. That is something that I am thankful for though. Sometimes during times like these it is incredibly hard to find the positive, even if it is very small!

Fake Positive People

If there is one thing I think a lot of people can agree on it’s that they do not like to be surrounded by people who only ever talk about things that are negative. I think this goes without saying the opposite can also be true. That no one enjoys when someone is obviously positive. Just as people who are constantly negative, you know the person where you tell them a struggle in your life, but they respond to that by saying that their life is that much worse than whatever you just confided to them with. I think the same also goes for overly positive people, the type of people that you could be mentioning you won 100 dollars on a scratch ticket and are excited to put the money towards something, and this person responds with the fact they won 500 dollars on a scratch ticket and that it was way better for them to be able to do multiple things with it. Both of those kinds of people are people who can easily get on someone’s nerves.

I might get a lot of flack over this post. Why? Because in a world with so much negative, positivity can be in short supply. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. I have nothing wrong with people being positive. I would like to think that for myself I can also be positive when I am faced with challenges. That being said, I am also a realist. You can actually read all of my confessions as a realist here. If you say something to me I will be telling you how it is flat out or even if it means hurting someones feelings perhaps too. Not that it would be done intentionally of course.

Here is why I don’t agree with people who are positive every single day of their lives. Get ready for it.

Life is not ALWAYS positive. Sure you can say well if someone looks on the bright side of things. Yes. I guess they can be pretty positive. Realistically though, Life is anything but always positive. There are neutral events, positive things, hurtful challenges, and whatever else but life is not always positive. I think when it comes to life, treating it positively and making everything seem to be positive can be in fact damaging to yourself. You are subconsciously bottling up everything that you might not like in order to present to the world this outward positivity is not healthy. Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that some things are not positive. If you are too busy trying to be positive when something comes that is negative that you have to deal with you will have a lot of trouble coping with it due to the fact you never really have.

Sure, you can still be a whole lot of positive and still be happy. But to totally disregard anything that can showcase an issue or struggle is quite frankly showing how naive someone might be. I think also the people who interestingly enough are always broadcasting to the world that they are a “positives vibes only” or “always positive person” are the ones who really might not be as positive as they want you to think. People project a positive vibes only personality because I think the world only wants to see positive vibes. Truth be told, A lot of folks who are trying to really make a community are finding traction by just being honest with themselves and the world find themselves growing faster for being able to connect with their audience on a human level. Not just a fake positive level that many try to portray. In the long run eventually something will have to slip up and you will find yourself annoyed at the fake positive world you have created.

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I notice fake positive people on social medias and more specifically streaming. These are the streamers who are more or less always talking about how they are incredibly positive and only have positive vibes to share blah blah blah. They are the ones who make a point to have this directly on their profiles or on their streams or social somewhere to let others know that they for sure are going to be a good positive environment to have. They so outwardly have the best outlook with no negative things happening in their lives, EVER. I think when someone is in a position of influence and they spread this it can be doing more harm than good. You almost have to ask yourself regarding these people, Are they going to snap one day and blow off all the positivity and really go full blown self destruction mode? Are they hiding something and this is a face they put on for others? My personal favorite in regards to this is that people whoa re positive all the time or that is what they decide to show, are normally ones who can also be quite negative behind the scenes. Maybe they partake in cancel culture. Or maybe they comment and spread hate when no one else is watching. Or they think no one is anyways.

The point of this is that no one is ever positive 100 percent of the time. Life really is like a roller coaster with different types of emotions and things that come up and down and left and right. Embracing all emotions will help you cope with them in the long run. If you react accordingly and learn to handle situations better it will be a lot easier to react to problems, not to mention will be way less stressful as well too when you are dealing with things instead of pushing them aside for positivity.

Do you know anyone who has any fake positive vibes and only positive?

Do you find yourself more of a fake positive person or a realist when it comes to projecting yourself on to the world?

Let me know in the comments below, I would love to hear your thoughts on this issue also!

Overcoming a Crummy Relationship

Overcoming a crummy relationship can really be subjective in the sense what one person may find what someone else does may be something totally different. As usual, these are things that I have found to help or even friends have found to have helped them when they are finding themselves in the middle of a break up.

To be fair, I have only ever had one break up in the romantic sense. For me, I was ready for it to be over so that made things easier. However this was when I was 18 til just turning 20 years old. He was abusive and we had broke up once before. However I was blind and thought I would go back for a second year like that was a good idea. These are some things that I did to help time pass and move on with the fact I was again single!

I focused a lot on friendships. In my situation I was almost isolated from my friends. When we had broken up I found support in friends whom I had disconnected with before. We did a bunch of things like going for drives, or even partying downtown. For the first few years I was legal to drink in Nova Scotia I never did. As I said I was isolated from things. I felt the need to just let things happen and experience the night life that everyone my age was wanting to experience. I feel like I really caught up to a bunch of friends who had been veterans to the bar scene. Getting to spend time and catch up with them was great for me. Some people I had seen across social medias but never had the time or opportunity to really catch up and see what was happening. Focusing on this also helped me to see what healthy relationships they were in, if they were, and kind of remind myself that the relationship I was in was toxic and not healthy.

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Another thing is time. There is no amount of time that you can take to get over a relationship, whether it ended mutually, whether it ended on good or bad terms. You have to be the one to decide whether or not it is time to move on. Sometimes people can move on from a relationship super quickly, other times they can take a long time to move on from a relationship. It really just depends on each individual person. And each relationship can also be different too. Maybe your first one you got over it super easy and the second one took a long longer. There is no right or wrong way to deal with a relationship and how much you need or how little you need to move on.

Another thing I did to try and get over the one relationship that I had that really impacted me was going back to things that I loved. Not just spending time with friends but I mean activities that I also loved. I liked to play games, and I liked to do art. I tried to do these things more often because I never had the chance to before. I put myself into working a bit more due to the fact I was spending most of my money on my ex, I was working a bit more to spend it on myself, finally. Even just chatting on the phone or updating socials and spending time outside can be huge. Sometimes in relationships that might not be great we end up losing a bit of ourselves and pushing aside things that you might regularly love, only to find yourself revisiting that when you are in a healthy and happy mindset.

One thing that I really wanted to do when I felt like looking up towards a relationship again was take my time. My current boyfriend of nearly 11 years understood that when I explained it to him. I wanted to really get to know him before we started to get serious. Just spend a lot of time together before hand and understand what we both wanted in life and with each other. My previous relationship I barely knew the guy and felt like I became trapped. This time it was super weird and I was happy that my current partner and I were able to build that strong foundation to be where we are today. It honestly still feels like a dream and I feel very fortunate to be able to call him my life mate.

Regardless of how long you have been with someone, or how it ended, remember, no one can dictate how you feel or how you are supposed to overcome any relationship, especially crummy ones. Sometimes being along and binge watching a comfort show on Netflix is the way to go. For me, I wanted to reconnect with people and just enjoy all of the things that I was held back from for so long. Including the bar scene, and other things like hanging with friends, going for drives for junk food and listening to old school music. I also wanted to just enjoy the freedom of being able to do whatever I wanted without restrictions and someone telling me what I could or couldnt do. That was huge for me especially with being stuck with the dumb ex for the previous 2 years. I am glad when I was transitioning to this relationship that I am currently in that I was able to really find who I was again, and not rush into another one. I feel like the break for me was completely necessary! And for some, maybe the break is not necessary at all either! Every person is different.

Have you ever had to overcome a crummy relationship in the past?
If so, Was there anything that you remember doing, that you are glad you did to help you move past this difficult time?

Let me know in the comments below! Some other readers might also be looking for some new tips and tricks too!

Domestic Violence Double Standards – Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard

For anyone out there who may not get it, Domestic Violence does not choose one gender. Though as much as the media would like to portray, or even movies and things, Domestic violence is “known” to the world as something that a man does against a women. I know, this way of thinking is very barbaric and something that is a very old way of thinking. In fact, you might not hear about the reverse domestic violence because men might feel ashamed or scared to speak up for having folks call them weak. This also goes for relationships that are homosexual, inter-racial and the one everyone knows and associates as the heterosexual ones.

Domestic violence does not have to be physical. A lot of people think that physical is the top however there is multiple ways domestic violence can be classified. This can be from mental and emotional abuse, financial abuse, isolation is also a part of this too. There is an assumption that when someone says they have dealt with domestic violence that they have been beaten when in fact a lot of people who have had mental and emotional abuse can be just as damaging as the physical wounds as well. Another misconception that people have about domestic violence is that if it is physical you have to be able to see something. That is not necessarily true. Just because you do not see the bruises or marks does not mean it didn’t happen.

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This brings me to the title of this blog. Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have been an on going case in regards to domestic violence. The big story here is that there was domestic violence in the relationship. Who was the instigator in this? Well that is up to a judge to decide however the evidence is pretty damming against Amber. There is things such as recordings showing the courts that Amber is the one at fault when in reality Johnny Depp being a man is the one to blame. Or so people think. As time went on Johnny Depp was removed from movie roles for the allegations what have been made against him. This includes being removed from the Fantastic Beasts franchise as well. Now, You might be asking yourself, what happened to Amber? Nothing. She was not removed from any type of role what so ever. I won’t go in to much details on the court case as I would like you to base your opinions for yourself and not be swayed by my opinion.

The problem here is that when you think domestic violence you automatically assume it is a man against a woman. To say it bluntly, this is the year 2021. There is MULTIPLE ways that domestic violence can occur. It can be man on man, women on women, it can be a women on a man also too. The double standard when it comes to domestic violence and how it is viewed is so skewed that we often are clouded by what is happening based on what we think should be happening. Domestic violence knows no boundaries and it does not discriminate against any type of person.

As a society, we need to stop this one way of thinking. There is a huge stigma when a man comes forward with domestic violence allegations and stigma around what type of person they are. Often they are called weak or similar names. They are made to feel small and they are not normally supported. There is a reason why a lot of domestic violence goes unreported especially with the opposite sex or different relationships because they are often swept under the rug or brushed off by different people.

This goes back to the age old question people pose “Well if it was that bad, Why couldn’t you just leave”. Which is both insulting and misunderstood. When in an abusive relationship regardless of age, sex, religion, or race, you really dont have that option. Sure you may be thinking about it more often than not, but with the isolation aspect of domestic violence you mean have many fears leaving, and if there are children involved that makes it even more challenging to leave.

We must change the way of thinking that there is no specific way domestic violence occurs. If we were to understand that it can happen to actually any person on the planet and not bash anyone for coming forward maybe there would be more reports of such. We need to stop belittling folks who put themselves out there and who are survivors of domestic violence instead of making them suffer in silence. The faster we open our mind of thinking the quicker everyone will benefit from this.

Even hollywood has this backward way of thinking, that is obvious if you watch and keep tabs on the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp case. The public was so quick to jump down and think Johnny Depp was the abuser here because a women couldn’t possibly be the abuser, that he lost a lot of what he worked hard for only to have the case slowly unravel and show that it is not always as simple as one might think in these situations.

I sincerely hope that you brush up on this case, It really is mind blowing how quickly people were to point fingers and how the evidence that is coming out is pointing them in the opposite direction. People assumed that something like domestic violence is a yes or no answer when in actuality there is a lot of maybe, and sure in the mixes too.

Have you followed the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp case?
What are your thoughts with Domestic Violence and the double standard that happens when situations arise for this?

Let me know in the comments below. I would really like to hear your perspective on what is happening and even ways that you think might be able to change the way the world views these.