Deciding to have another child is nearly as hard as deciding to have your first. It changes your whole family dynamic, again. Whether or not you think it will, it does. Adding another little one on a virtually already impossible schedule can sometimes feel pretty daunting. Especially if you decide to have them close in age, maybe further in age. You get into your routine with the first and then a second sounds alarmingly stressful. Have no fear! I am a mom 3 who so happened to get pregnant when each one was a year old. Making them incredibly close in age. And while it is an an adjustment when deciding to bring another little one into your lives essentially starting over in the raising children chapter there are a few things to look forward to! And it may not be as hard as you think.
The good news is that if you are worried about being tired, chances are you already are! I say this from a very fortunate place though. All 3 of my kids were great sleepers. With the exception of our last fella who is the most troublesome of the 3. Mostly because I struggle sleep training him because he is my last baby but also he still sleeps anywhere from 630pm to 4am. Which I honestly can’t even complain. Adding children isn’t as tiresome as you may think. Unless you really had them back to back and are dealing with sleep setbacks and or your first doesn’t sleep that great maybe. In fact our 2nd guy slept better than the 1st one! Though to play a bit of devils advocate here, your first one could be a fantastic sleeper, and your second one may not be good at all.
Second time is a bit easier in regards to this isn’t your first rodeo. You already have one. A second one is a bit easier in terms of what do do you do, expectations, and overall anxiety decreased. This however may be a challenge if you suffer from post partum depression or post partum anxiety. Which I just so happen to talk more about here. But overall it does seem easier. My husband was someone who was worrying a lot. With our second and even third baby, he would say more than he felt more at ease. That he felt more confident. Mind you, that also is far from a reason to have another kid though, to become more confident. But it does help for sure. You also know different skills you may not have before. At least for us, our 1st was born literally in the beginning of Covid. So when he was a baby growing we barely went out anywhere. We stayed inside. We made sure we had medicines and things but we overall didn’t do much at all. With our second things were becoming pretty relaxed and we went from there. Our confidence grew and we were able to continue to keep our skills as parents getting better.
And finally chances are already have everything you need. If you were like us and knew when you started having kids you wanted multiple, save everything you have! We were thankful to be given a lot of items like a chair and a jumper from friends. They had their one child and handed it down. And we have successfully used it through our last fella now. This especially goes for clothes. A lot of the stuff we got was already for boys. And while it just so happens we had 3 of them, we still planned for if we had a girl too. Whenever we would buy clothes ourselves we made sure that we got a unisex colors or ones that could be worn by both. This was so we could save in the long run. We do not buy clothes often for our kids. And through many friends and neighbors we haven’t really bought anything. The only time they typically get new clothes would be their birthdays or holidays like Easter or Christmas. And we pay it forward a lot too. I made a rule with myself to keep only one tote of clothes for the boys so when/if they decide to have children they will have some of the clothes they wore. Mind you I typically keep clothes that they all wore and the newer ones I hand off to family and friends just like they did to us. Since having out first, baby toys alone have jumped up nearly $30-50 per item. For no other reason but profit.
Chances are you struggled a bit with your first. Going from no kids to kids is a challenge. If someone tells you it wasn’t they may not be very truthful! It’s a lot to incorporate another life into your already likely established routines. Especially one that relies on you for every single part of their life. But that means this isn’t your first rodeo. Chances are you are able to have a new baby fit in seamlessly. Our second was able to be included nearly immediately. We basically just stuck to our oldest schedule and we’re flexible. Being flexible is huge especially because not everything is going to run as smoothly every single day. Sometimes breakfast was a half an hour later because a bottle needed to be given. Other times maybe a bit earlier in anticipation for a bottle without totally throwing off the schedule. Regardless though you are able to tweak the routine when you need which may not have been as easy with your first bundle thrown into the mix! As important as a schedule is for a baby and their sleep one of the top priorities, that doesn’t always work. Being flexible and accepting that some car naps will happen will make things that much easier.
Regardless though, children are hard. And it can be challenging for days and then a breeze for others. Just remember that even if you feel flustered that doesn’t mean they do. And if you have a bunch of rough days, chances are some easier ones are on the way too!
Stacey J. Girard 