When you have kids there is no shortness of different type of comments or little sayings people typically say over and over. With my 2nd I can’t say I really noticed it a whole lot. But with my 3rd it was nearly everywhere. From being at the grocery store to even just standing somewhere waiting and then family and friends on top of that too. The comments are just those little “playful” remarks that some will say. They don’t even make sense at the time and are likely impulsive but that doesn’t change how freaking annoying they truly are. Some of them you even hear after every kid you have. One of those was “you trying for a girl next”. This was because all of my babies have been boys. Never did I ever think to have a baby though for the gender. Which I talk about gender disappointment more here. Though it was pretty easy especially after a 3rd baby within 4 years to firmly say that “NO, we are DONE”.
How you handle these is totally up to you. My approach is normally a smart ass one. I make a snide comment back, That is if I catch what they actually said and listened because if I’m being honest, If they say something at a grocery store I likely have 30 other things to focus on and unsolicited remarks from strangers aren’t those.. And well normally they laugh it off or they simply catch my drift. I also will say it truly depends also on who says what. Like if the person who is saying something to me is a close family friend, or family, I’m likely going to snap a bit harder than a random strangers at the grocery store which I know sounds crazy but you are a bit tougher to people you know. Mostly for the fact that someone you know personally should know better than to make those comments than a random at the local coffee shop. I also should mention there is not a right or wrong way to answer these. “You must be busy” or “You’ve got your hands full” has got to be one of the most annoying things I’ve heard personally. And do you know why it is one of the most annoying things? Because typically I’ve heard this from strangers and I’ve hear this at the supermarket where we are pushing the limits of my 3 kids and we are nearing the check out if we aren’t already there, where likely more then 1 of them are not happy. My middle guy wants out. My youngest is crying because we barely feed him (kidding) and he is STARVING. And then the oldest is either in a great mood and wanting to chat with everyone or is mad and ready to also leave. Obviously anyone can see having 3 children 3 and under is busy. And it likely will stay that way for a while too. I’ll never forget when i was in the grocery store check out and someone asked if they were all mine. Like, YES, They are all mine? However hindsight from a friend was most likely because parents don’t typically raise their children anymore. Others do. Whether family, or even day care. For me to have all 3 of my kiddos tagging along for our grocery order was just an unusual sight.
Are you having another one? Trying for a girl? This also is equally as frustrating. In fact, we heard this as early as a few weekend after our last fella was born. And while some people may see this as a harmless question, it doesn’t make it any less annoying. One major factor is infertility. Thankfully we didn’t have to deal with that but many other couples do. And while people may be seeking a different gender some may only have one chance to have a child. As I’ve mentioned numerous times before, our home wanted to have 3 children. And it just so happens those 3 are all boys. I’m 34 and have absolutely zero desire to become pregnant again. Especially after having 2 c-sections already. All of our children were planned. We waited till we were older since my Husband travels for work and this was when he would be around. We wanted to ensure we were ready and had a super solid foundation as partners, spouses and romantically we were not struggling as well as financially too.
“No sleep? You look tired?” has got to be the most annoying thing though. Very rarely did I hear that previously before I had kids. Now I hear it all the time. Of course I’m tired. I’m raising 3 small humans. Just like at the grocery stores too, my husband and I also get a lot of “You must be really tired” as they span the 3 boys sitting in the cart. And we look and say “Yes”. Or “No”. Because people assume that we have 3 small kids we must always be tired. And while yes, we are tired a lot. We also are incredibly lucky. Our kids sleep pretty good. We have had them all basically sleeping through the nights at early ages and except for when they are sick we do well in terms of how well they sleep. Not to mention, it’s incredibly insulting to comment because typically they are doing so because your physical appearance may show that you are in fact, tired. Bags under eyes, my hair in a bun, not the prime and proper clothing attire. Then the 3 kids in the cart is the icing on the cake to show that “Yes, we are tired, thank you for pointing this out”.
At the end of the day, to be totally fucking blunt. If you don’t know someone, or even if you do, just avoid these topics. It literally isn’t doing anything. And if the person is tired they will say they are. Trust me on that. And even if they don’t their level of tiredness likely isn’t’ a topic they want to discuss anyway!
Stacey J. Girard 