Before I begin, I’m writing this for a few reasons. One being a release of my poetry book. The Darkness touches on some of life darkest subjects. One of those being drug abuse. And before anyone says “bUt hOw dId yOuR pArEnTs nOt KnOw”. Well what can I say, I was a good liar and embellished the truth when the time came up. My hope is that by sharing this story that maybe, just maybe you will notice some things on your own instead of having it happen behind your back. Plus as a parent, Id like to think I could notice this with my kids when they are older in the event that they too find their way into this lifestyle even if only briefly.
It started super innocently, doesn’t it all? I had friends who liked to occasionally do ecstasy for dances. I was a stoner and figures why not? It was a one time thing and it would be an experience. Normally people have a few drinks and what not but this time I wanted to have a bit more fun. I was 17 (I think) and it was the summer months. Maybe May. I obviously only took one and it was enough. I wanted to dance and dance and dance. I felt invincible. Like I had energy of 100 people and the night would never end. To say I never enjoyed it I would be lying.It was so different than smoking weed, I felt like I had energy and could go non-stop. Much different then the weed that I was used to smoking which made me more sluggish and chilled out. This was the opposite.
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Fast forward. I wanted to do it more. I wanted to do it at parties. I wanted to do it at my workplace. Lucky for me I worked at Burger King and there were also staff members who also dabbled into these so we would do them on our nights. The evenings would literally fly by and well would be on top of our game. If anything it would enhance our experience of working because we had an unlimited amount of motivation and energy (so it seemed). Where we worked so late by the time we would come down we would also be heading to bed so it kind of worked out in the end. Even still we would maybe just end up staying a bit later if anything. Sitting in the back parking lot when the store closed and then smoking a joint or chain smoking cigarettes.
Soon I was buying between 10 to 20 pills at a time. I was selling some to make my money back. I was using them while at work, in school, partying, hockey games, anywhere. I was even doing them alone in my room with all of my trippy lights too. It honestly never mattered. And what is worse is I was smoking like a champ whenever I was on them. I was hiding it from people I was gloating to others that I could do ecstasy and function. The high was amazing but the come down was not. I felt drained and just sad. Because ecstasy messed with your mind literally giving you a feeling of happiness when it is gone from your system you feel down, empty. Like you needed some sort of pick me up to bring you back out of this type of slump.
So now your wondering how did I quit? Well. I still did it occasionally up until I was 21. Mind you it was far far less of a daily occurrence and maybe a once or twice a year thing or something that I did in the clubs while partying. It wasn’t done at my job and it wasn’t as in the open so to speak. I just couldn’t keep doing it like when I was a teenager. Nor did I have the money to do it like that either. It was something that I would get if I knew anyone who had any at the time and I would just do it for a treat. I know that sounds absolutely nutty but that is the truth.
Then my 21st birthday happened. I had a random pill left from ones I had bought a while ago. It was like something snapped. I was an adult everywhere in the world. I was just getting high with some friends (weed that is) and I had this one solo pill. I threw it out the window. Like threw it out the car window as a friend was driving me home from a night of geting baked smoking weed. Now as an adult with kids, I probably should have flushed it but I cant turn back time and that is what happened. It was like something had happened where I was ready to close that chapter of my life. I was just over that part of my partying days. That was it. I think because I was barely doing it anyway it was easy for me to not do it anymore. Had I still been deep into taking pills or MDMA like I was when I was younger, I may not have had an easy time to give it up.
Do I regret taking that pill for the dance that night? Maybe. There was a lot of situations that I put myself in that were risky beyond words. Did it help me grow or teach me things about my life? Yes. Looking back though, I am thankful that nothing more serious happened, and the fact I could stop on my own without outside help too. There is for sure moments now as an adult that I wonder just how I got through them. Some sketchy parties were around and things like that.
If you would like to purchase the book you are more than welcome to do so here, though the link is for the Canadian site you may need to be redirected to the Amazon sited for your Country to be able to purchase a copy for yourself!