A letter to my Ex

Dear Dumbass,

Yes. You are a fucking idiot. I know already this post will be mean, and cruel but that is nothing in compare to what you have done to me when I was so young. I feel like after 10+ years I am finally able to write this even though I know there is a strong chance you will never get to read this. I would put you name on blast here but maybe with the help of people on Halifax Twitter they can pass it along to people from Liverpool and you will see what a thriving adult I have become with no thanks to you.

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Dating you was by far one of the darkest times of my life. I was 18 years old and you were old enough to know better than to be an abuser. You took advantage of who I was and how I was in life. I was easy going, I was kind, I would give anyone the shirt off of my back, including you. I hate that I was so blindly in love with you than I allowed you to take advantage of me financially, mentally, and physically. I am finally getting over the fact that I was too shy or afraid to say no and that I ignored all of the red flags that were so bright even astronauts in space could have seen them. I never knew that my first romantic relationship officially would be the worst one of my entire life.

I will never thank you for anything that has brought me to where I am in life. Instead the experience of me being with an actual abuser has taught me a lot.

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I now know what I wanted in a partner. I wanted someone who had a job. And no I dont mean the dead end jobs that you quit after a few weeks because you just wanted to stay home and blow all of my money on weed and poker. I wanted someone with a stable job. One that could support me if I ever needed it. I wanted someone who could afford their own apartment. Not renting a room in a large space, I mean someone who actually was renting their own apartment because they had the job to afford it. I also deserved someone who had their license and a vehicle. I was tired of busing from Sackville to Halifax to see you when you did nothing in return. I knew this was something I deserved after putting up with you for 2 years.

One of the best things to happen to me was driving by your house with a friend on Canada Day in 2020 or around there to find out that you in fact had some girl over. Funny story, You actually got her pregnant while with me. That was the ending that I needed to rid you from my life. And you know what, You also abused her apparently. Who would have thought right. Shocking I know.


Fast forward to 12 years later. I still sometimes Facebook search you. I see your profiles. You know the multiple ones you continue to create every few years when you are running from your problems. Hell, I even googled your name AG (Yeah, Let’s use initials now, maybe I can warn someone of how toxic you are). You know what I found, How you escaped from a mental health floor in Halifax. I felt relief that I had dodged that bullet. I truly believe if I was still with you I would have been dead by now. I also haven’t continued to block your accounts because I want you to see what little I show publicly and how I am thriving. How I am doing so much better than when I was with you.

You may be asking, But why am I writing this letter to you now AG. Why, that would be because in a few months (If not sooner) my goal is to release a collection of poetry. This collections will be on subjects that do have abuse and hatred in them. A lot of the times when I talk and write about domestic violence and how you made me feel it is in regards to you. I never mention your name in them but if for some reason they end up in your lap know that you are still that piece of shit you were when I was 18 years old. When you stole my money, when you played poker on my credit cards, when you broke my possessions because you got mad and thought breaking MY stuff was cool, or when you stole money from me to buy weed or other drugs, or when you left me in the cold because a drink accidentally got spilled on you at the bar. Oh and lets not forget the bloody lips, the countless bruises, the thrown glasses, or the time you stabbed me in the leg with a pair of scissors. You did all that. Or even the times you defrauded my bank account or made me sign you up for a cell phone because you have NO credit either.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

They say that life only throws what you can handle. Well I barely could handle you. I will again never say I am thankful for anything that you have done for me. You did teach me a lot about myself indirectly. AG you are the worst relationship anyone could ever have. The only thing missing was murder. I like to think that because I had to endure you for so long that the universe has rewarded me with my lifetime love. Again, maybe I am finally getting the courage to write this out due to my poetry and author debut coming up. Maybe I finally feel like I am ready to kind of share how it feels for a part of my life and how much I was hiding from everyone. Maybe secretly I hope you read this and you continue to know what a piece of shit you actually are. I know you have more kids who you probably don’t see. And have never been in a long term relationship either.

Before I go though. I won’t go into too much detail, I want you to know this.
I am incredible. You were lucky to even have me once let alone twice for the second year. I am happy that you threw me aside and I picked myself back up again because I was too young to have left you. Right now as I write this my two son’s are asleep. I am sitting in my nice warm house. Not rented, Owned. I have a spouse who loves me for every single flaw you helped to create. He and I have been together since about 8 months after I was with you. It was scary for me to date again. But as I mentioned I knew what I wanted. I have a vehicle and a license. I no longer need to take the bus to see anyone. I have a cat who is not abused like your cats were and I also have a dog. I am debt free and I am at a point in my life where I want everyone to know that I am just as incredible as I always was. I keep people around who want to be around and get rid of dead weight when they use or abuse me. Since being in what one would say a relationship, as shitty as it was, I have had so many positive experiences and relationships.

I hope you are jealous.

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