Deployments are dog shit. At least in this house any ways. We are not a family where we enjoy time apart (and if you are one of those families power to you!). Any time being separated by the person you are growing old with, or your family you are growing, sucks. It throws the routine out of wack. With kids, it is a lot. Your time no longer has those breaks to fold laundry in peace, or soak in the tub, or even if you have a migraine and need moments of silence until relief is felt.
I’ve been with my husband for over 15 years. We have been thankful and before kids we had only done a quick 3ish month deployment because he was recalled back to do another thing that would helped in his advancement in his career. Don’t get me wrong, deployments also suck when you are without kids. We had a dog and a cat and I did shift work including overnights. I was bringing my dog to my parents so they could stay with him while I was working. It required a lot of driving. That’s not including sick calls where I was mandated to stay and would need my neighbors to check on him because I as unable to leave the workplace. The hardest part was that I could see him visiting places in the world, sight seeing, and I was stay here seeing the same home and same streets and same places I have every day previously and every day going forward. I was really jealous because I felt like he was experiencing so much while I was left behind.
With kids, that changed. I know my husband found it extremely difficult. Especially with smaller kids and milestones come and go so quickly. He missed a 2nd Halloween in a row, he also missed one of our kids going to school for the first time. He also missed various birthday parties the kids went to, birthdays, and school events. My husband is extremely involved with the kids so missing these things with us sucked, we had been so used to always doing them as a family.
One thing we were thankful of, was the ability for him to call often. For many folks, they don’t seem to be able to call often, maybe they find it hard to do, or difficult because they just aren’t here. I truly believe that because my husband made a priority to call daily, sometimes even twice a day, it helped not only stay connected to the kids, but it also helped the transitions even better with him coming home and adjusting to the normal we were used to, even if it may have changed so slightly. The kids always looked forward to their phone calls but still understood if the day was missed he was unable to because they just didn’t have internet, maybe he was busy, or he just was asleep. They just looked forward to the next call, especially because they would have more to tell him.
Keeping busy also was a helpful thing. This could be making crafts, getting out and about, visiting people or having people visit. Keeping them going even when they weren’t in school or were attending birthday party for family and friends helped the days pass quicker also. It also gave then exciting things to talk about when their dad called, even if the calls are no more than 10 minutes to was something they could look forward to.
We counted down the days. From the beginning. Now I also know this might be challenging and difficult to do, mostly because sometimes seeing the number for people and it being so far away, makes it feel like the date isn’t getting closer. For us, we started at about 160 days. Milestones were half way, his leave to come home, then it was how ever many Fridays left, and then the days. Which gets more and more exciting the closer you get too.
Keeping busy is also important. But its okay to not be busy also too. It can be extremely overwhelming going from being a team parenting your kids to being a solo parent. You are allowed to feel defeated. I create patterns for Plastic Canvas, I had really high ambitions to have a bunch done. When my only time to graph them was at night after things settle, I wasn’t confident that I could get then done properly so I threw the idea away and changed to just sew. I sewed and sewed and sewed and it was fine. Was I initially upset at myself? Absolutely. But it just wasn’t in the cards for me to do things like that with what little mental energy I had left from solo parenting at the end of the day. And that is totally okay also!
And if you are able to, another fun way to pass the time, home renovations! While this may be challenging if you are also a working parent/person, or if money is tight, it is a fun way to tackle some household upgrades. I don’t mean spending thousands and thousands either. Some quick things I did when my husband was away was painted. I painted the fireplace, I also painted a bunch of walls. I even bought sticky wall paper and did the front entry as an accent wall too. Even doing things like organizing that packed storage room, or a crawl space under your stairs can really make a world of difference too!
At the end of the day, deployments are shit. Maybe if you aren’t close to your spouse or don’t want to be around them will they be welcomed, but in my case they are dreaded. But a necessary part of my husband’s job while providing for our family. Hopefully this may have helped someone who needs a little guidance on how to make it through the coming months with their lives being a little bit different!
