Before I even begin, let me say. I too am one of those judgement Mom’s. I will judge the eff out of someone but only if they are doing something that is completely unsafe. There are plenty of things that I don’t agree with mom’s doing and that is just their parenting style. For me, this falls under a category such as safe sleep, bashing formula feeding moms, or co-sleeping, which you all know my stance on co-sleeping here. Even the judgemental and totally justified stance I have for circumcising children for a cosmetic need too. Which you are more than welcome to read here too. That is one hill I will die on, not even joking.
I think when you become a mom one of the hardest things is being judged by other parents or even medical professionals that you may encounter. One of the things we have to tell ourselves often, since having children especially, is that parents judge. That being said, I always take it with a grain of salt. My parents had me a very long time ago. I am over 30 years old. If they are telling me something that they have done when I was a baby chances are there is some sort of evidence that has been proven to show that whatever they did was unsafe for whatever reason. Think about all the blankets we used to have in the cribs with babies but now we don’t have anything in the crib with baby. One of the hardest judgemental things to hear is dated parenting advice. Especially when they phrase that normally comes out after you disapprove are “Well, we did it with you and you turned out just fine didn’t you?”. Like, yes, we did turn out fine but there also was not a lot of information like we have today or studies shown that these types of things happen and there are plenty of reasons why no one does this barbaric practices anymore.
Another thing I have found is a super judgemental topic among parents is safe sleep. The bottom line is that co-sleeping is not safe. I have a friend who co-slept all of her kids. Do I agree with it? Absolutely not. She knows this also. That being said she also openly admits that it is not safe. She trusts herself and does it anyways. Her choice. However there are literally people who co-sleep and they pretend that everything is totally fine and pull out the most awkward website that you could never remember to help enforce that their claims of it being safe to sleep with a newborn or a baby is true. When it really isn’t. Do I judge my friend on her co-sleeping and unsafe sleep practices? No. because she too knows the risks involved. If you are a parent who wants to take those risks so be it, but at least admit that you are in fact taking a risk and you aren’t sugar coating it to be something that is safe.
One of the things I think is really hard to even grasp is that people will judge you on literally anything. They will judge if you have baby dressed well enough for the weather, how long it takes to secure them in the car, what you feed them and when, how much you feed them, how you teach and raise them, whether they are in day care or not, when you put them to bed. It honestly can be exhausting trying to keep track of things you should or shouldn’t be doing. Though, I think it is always nice to have a gentle reminder that a lot of times though when people make comments, they aren’t necessarily doing so because they think what you are doing is wrong, they are simply sharing what they did raising their kids (or even you if it is your parents!) and hoping maybe it will help you in some way, even if we know that you shouldn’t be using oralgel on your kids teething gums now!
Finding yourself being the judgemental parent maybe? Take a moment to change the subject, or maybe if you disagree on the topics with another parent respectfully say that you just have differing opinions and that you would rather not continue talking about this. Remember, we are all adults raising children in so many various ways that we are prone to literally not see eye to eye with every single parent we encounter. It is totally OKAY with not agreeing, but when you try to bash or belittle someone then that means you are the judgemental party and quite honestly, a meany!
Are there times I have bit my tongue at people? Of course. One instance that comes to mind is a friend will use their hands free phone holder, and record snap chats continuously with their kids in the back either singing or whatever as they are driving, or maybe they even put their makeup on. I 110% DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS. Why haven’t I said anything? Because this person can be reactive and will make the excuses of “Well it is hands free so I wasn’t holding the phone, or they were just fine” THAT ISN’T THE POINT. A hands free phone holder is to literally click a button and not focus on a phone or record videos. So I guess if that friend happens to read this, they know who they are. But for me to say anything to be met with some sort of weird hate or whatever I just cant be bothered, for me though I NEVER touch my phone while driving for this reason. It just isn’t safe. Plus if I were to say anything I would probably also be met with “Well you were not there”. remember the saying, “Pick your battles” this is one of them.