Tag Archives: tough subject

Overcoming a Crummy Relationship

Hard Subjects, , , , , , , , , , ,

Overcoming a crummy relationship can really be subjective in the sense what one person may find what someone else does may be something totally different. As usual, these are things that I have found to help or even friends have found to have helped them when they are finding themselves in the middle of a break up.

To be fair, I have only ever had one break up in the romantic sense. For me, I was ready for it to be over so that made things easier. However this was when I was 18 til just turning 20 years old. He was abusive and we had broke up once before. However I was blind and thought I would go back for a second year like that was a good idea. These are some things that I did to help time pass and move on with the fact I was again single!

I focused a lot on friendships. In my situation I was almost isolated from my friends. When we had broken up I found support in friends whom I had disconnected with before. We did a bunch of things like going for drives, or even partying downtown. For the first few years I was legal to drink in Nova Scotia I never did. As I said I was isolated from things. I felt the need to just let things happen and experience the night life that everyone my age was wanting to experience. I feel like I really caught up to a bunch of friends who had been veterans to the bar scene. Getting to spend time and catch up with them was great for me. Some people I had seen across social medias but never had the time or opportunity to really catch up and see what was happening. Focusing on this also helped me to see what healthy relationships they were in, if they were, and kind of remind myself that the relationship I was in was toxic and not healthy.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

Another thing is time. There is no amount of time that you can take to get over a relationship, whether it ended mutually, whether it ended on good or bad terms. You have to be the one to decide whether or not it is time to move on. Sometimes people can move on from a relationship super quickly, other times they can take a long time to move on from a relationship. It really just depends on each individual person. And each relationship can also be different too. Maybe your first one you got over it super easy and the second one took a long longer. There is no right or wrong way to deal with a relationship and how much you need or how little you need to move on.

Another thing I did to try and get over the one relationship that I had that really impacted me was going back to things that I loved. Not just spending time with friends but I mean activities that I also loved. I liked to play games, and I liked to do art. I tried to do these things more often because I never had the chance to before. I put myself into working a bit more due to the fact I was spending most of my money on my ex, I was working a bit more to spend it on myself, finally. Even just chatting on the phone or updating socials and spending time outside can be huge. Sometimes in relationships that might not be great we end up losing a bit of ourselves and pushing aside things that you might regularly love, only to find yourself revisiting that when you are in a healthy and happy mindset.

One thing that I really wanted to do when I felt like looking up towards a relationship again was take my time. My current boyfriend of nearly 11 years understood that when I explained it to him. I wanted to really get to know him before we started to get serious. Just spend a lot of time together before hand and understand what we both wanted in life and with each other. My previous relationship I barely knew the guy and felt like I became trapped. This time it was super weird and I was happy that my current partner and I were able to build that strong foundation to be where we are today. It honestly still feels like a dream and I feel very fortunate to be able to call him my life mate.

Regardless of how long you have been with someone, or how it ended, remember, no one can dictate how you feel or how you are supposed to overcome any relationship, especially crummy ones. Sometimes being along and binge watching a comfort show on Netflix is the way to go. For me, I wanted to reconnect with people and just enjoy all of the things that I was held back from for so long. Including the bar scene, and other things like hanging with friends, going for drives for junk food and listening to old school music. I also wanted to just enjoy the freedom of being able to do whatever I wanted without restrictions and someone telling me what I could or couldnt do. That was huge for me especially with being stuck with the dumb ex for the previous 2 years. I am glad when I was transitioning to this relationship that I am currently in that I was able to really find who I was again, and not rush into another one. I feel like the break for me was completely necessary! And for some, maybe the break is not necessary at all either! Every person is different.

Have you ever had to overcome a crummy relationship in the past?
If so, Was there anything that you remember doing, that you are glad you did to help you move past this difficult time?

Let me know in the comments below! Some other readers might also be looking for some new tips and tricks too!

Domestic Violence Double Standards – Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard

Hard Subjects, Life, Opinion, , , , , , , , , ,

For anyone out there who may not get it, Domestic Violence does not choose one gender. Though as much as the media would like to portray, or even movies and things, Domestic violence is “known” to the world as something that a man does against a women. I know, this way of thinking is very barbaric and something that is a very old way of thinking. In fact, you might not hear about the reverse domestic violence because men might feel ashamed or scared to speak up for having folks call them weak. This also goes for relationships that are homosexual, inter-racial and the one everyone knows and associates as the heterosexual ones.

Domestic violence does not have to be physical. A lot of people think that physical is the top however there is multiple ways domestic violence can be classified. This can be from mental and emotional abuse, financial abuse, isolation is also a part of this too. There is an assumption that when someone says they have dealt with domestic violence that they have been beaten when in fact a lot of people who have had mental and emotional abuse can be just as damaging as the physical wounds as well. Another misconception that people have about domestic violence is that if it is physical you have to be able to see something. That is not necessarily true. Just because you do not see the bruises or marks does not mean it didn’t happen.

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

This brings me to the title of this blog. Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have been an on going case in regards to domestic violence. The big story here is that there was domestic violence in the relationship. Who was the instigator in this? Well that is up to a judge to decide however the evidence is pretty damming against Amber. There is things such as recordings showing the courts that Amber is the one at fault when in reality Johnny Depp being a man is the one to blame. Or so people think. As time went on Johnny Depp was removed from movie roles for the allegations what have been made against him. This includes being removed from the Fantastic Beasts franchise as well. Now, You might be asking yourself, what happened to Amber? Nothing. She was not removed from any type of role what so ever. I won’t go in to much details on the court case as I would like you to base your opinions for yourself and not be swayed by my opinion.

The problem here is that when you think domestic violence you automatically assume it is a man against a woman. To say it bluntly, this is the year 2021. There is MULTIPLE ways that domestic violence can occur. It can be man on man, women on women, it can be a women on a man also too. The double standard when it comes to domestic violence and how it is viewed is so skewed that we often are clouded by what is happening based on what we think should be happening. Domestic violence knows no boundaries and it does not discriminate against any type of person.

As a society, we need to stop this one way of thinking. There is a huge stigma when a man comes forward with domestic violence allegations and stigma around what type of person they are. Often they are called weak or similar names. They are made to feel small and they are not normally supported. There is a reason why a lot of domestic violence goes unreported especially with the opposite sex or different relationships because they are often swept under the rug or brushed off by different people.

This goes back to the age old question people pose “Well if it was that bad, Why couldn’t you just leave”. Which is both insulting and misunderstood. When in an abusive relationship regardless of age, sex, religion, or race, you really dont have that option. Sure you may be thinking about it more often than not, but with the isolation aspect of domestic violence you mean have many fears leaving, and if there are children involved that makes it even more challenging to leave.

We must change the way of thinking that there is no specific way domestic violence occurs. If we were to understand that it can happen to actually any person on the planet and not bash anyone for coming forward maybe there would be more reports of such. We need to stop belittling folks who put themselves out there and who are survivors of domestic violence instead of making them suffer in silence. The faster we open our mind of thinking the quicker everyone will benefit from this.

Even hollywood has this backward way of thinking, that is obvious if you watch and keep tabs on the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp case. The public was so quick to jump down and think Johnny Depp was the abuser here because a women couldn’t possibly be the abuser, that he lost a lot of what he worked hard for only to have the case slowly unravel and show that it is not always as simple as one might think in these situations.

I sincerely hope that you brush up on this case, It really is mind blowing how quickly people were to point fingers and how the evidence that is coming out is pointing them in the opposite direction. People assumed that something like domestic violence is a yes or no answer when in actuality there is a lot of maybe, and sure in the mixes too.

Have you followed the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp case?
What are your thoughts with Domestic Violence and the double standard that happens when situations arise for this?

Let me know in the comments below. I would really like to hear your perspective on what is happening and even ways that you think might be able to change the way the world views these.

Losing a Grandparent

Hard Subjects, Life, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Losing any member of the family is hard. For anyone. Thankfully at the time of writing this I have not necessarily lost a lot of members in my family though. Which is good. However as I age others around me also age and even thinking about this can be a damper on anyone’s mood.

The first major death I remember was when I was 9. My dad’s mom was in the hospital. She had a stroke. She smoked heavily. She also was near unresponsive after a surgery and essentially a person in a coma on a bed. This was the first time I had encountered death and it was never easy. I remember this because my dad was going to and from the hospital and I had made a card for my Nanny. He brought it there and I had wrote something so innocent as “I hope you get better soon, Please try to eat something, anything to help you be strong.”. The next day I had woken up and seen that there was the card sitting on the table. When I had asked my dad if he forgot to bring it he explained that she had moved on. I was so young that I of course was sad that my Nanny was gone however I didn’t really understand the full experience of it. I seen her often however due to the heavy smoking and being asthmatic It was never for super long periods of times either.

The next time we lost someone was my Mom’s dad. My Grampie. This sucked. I was 20 or 21. I was at work. I was actually arguing with my Boyfriend (Yes, The same one I am with now!) and I was at work with my phone turned off. He was at a restaurant with people he worked with and then I had turned on my phone. I was supposed to be working over night too. I checked my messages and seen that I had some from my family. And if I could get there I should as it was not looking that great with him. I remember seeing him on the Monday the same week and he seemed great and on the mend. My Grampie had cancer which we found out in the fall before and he passed in the spring. This was a Saturday and then he was in the “Coma like state” from the afternoon/morning and passed just before Midnight, on Saint Patrick’s day. My Grampie was in the navy so we thought what better day for him to go then one celebrating some booze and parties. I felt also an immense amount of guilt with the passing of my grandfather because I wasn’t exactly there as much as I liked. I would say I was the closest of all the grand kids because I would stay over at my grandparents often, however I did not have a license at this time and was working a new job so I was picking up as much shifts as possible for this. I feel like I missed some of the moments that I wanted to be there for.

The next few deaths happened super quickly. There was a man in our life who was basically another grandfather to our family. He also passed of cancer. This was on Good Friday. By this time I had my license and any moment I had I would be at the hospital with my dad or just saying hello. His wife is still very close to our family and I cannot wait to introduce her to our son. I feel like I visited him a lot because it was something that I felt I lacked with my Grampie. It was extremely tough for me when he passed as I was with friends and family when he let go of his life here and I had to work all weekend. With it being Easter I was scheduled for shifts and knowing that no one would probably cover them I tried my best to make them covered for the funeral. It was extremely tough but I knew I had to do that. I was thankful I was able to spend the time I had with him. Right after his death, another family friend whom my mom would babysit their kids had passed too. This was a month after. It was completely out of left field and unexpected. She was in the hospital with a virus or something and came home that night, and then had a stoke or something and was just gone like that. Her husband is on Facebook, as is the wife of the previous man I mentioned. So we do keep in touch a bit that way also.

Being there when seeing someone in the “coma like state” is heartbreaking. You feel like you want to do more and it never is easy the more times you do it. I can say that begin 31 years old I was thankful that the people in my life that we did unfortunately lose had left us relatively quickly. To think that people sometimes are in this silent state for a week or more is hard for me to even wrap my head around. It will be a lot of waiting and hoping that something changes even though deep down you know that it wont be changing. I cant imagine how hard it would be for losing other family or friends who you were extremely close with.

I think it is important to also remember. Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to remember someone or to accept that they are gone. I know for me I tend to put humor into death. Not because I think that its funny but because I have no other way to handle it. That would be my coping mechanism. The best thing you go do for someone who is going through the grieving process is to just be there. Support them even if they would like the silent support too. You can still be there for someone even if it isn’t in a way that you need them. And if the person wants to be left alone for a little bit it is okay to let them have space too.

Have you lost someone close to you?
What are some things you did to cope?

Let me know in the comments below!

-Stacey

3 Private Home Buying Tips + The downside of private home sales

Life, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

If you are unfamiliar with the stream, you will have noticed that Wednesday last week I was given the new that our dream was dashed.

My boyfriend and I are moving back home to Nova Scotia in the coming months and to say we are stressed about a house to buy is an understatement. The reasoning for this is because there has been a minor boom happening there. This is where people from Ontario are buying all the homes as soon as they come up however they are putting it sometimes 20k – 100k above asking price. I think we are prematurely becoming stressed since we wont get our official message of moving til mid April, with hopefully moving in July.

Here is where the story begins. My best friend since grade 6, her parents were selling their house. Well, thinking about it anyways. We had discussed a price. And agreed. For a while they were worried about my boyfriend and I backing out of the deal and leaving them with things. We hyped it up, there was multiple confirmations about this. There were many things happening and nearing the point where we would have an actual agreement written up so that they could sign and it would be a done deal (Obviously confirming we get out message to move as well as an inspection doesn’t have something crazy with it either!). They didn’t want to go public as they were not comfortable with having so many people through their home, they wanted to save money on agent fees since they are also expensive and take a HUGE chunk of the profits too.

Then, their son told them if they were to go public with this sale. He said they could get more money if they went public and welp, long story short. They did. They informed us on Wednesday evening AFTER we had confirmed again that same day. To the point that if my boyfriend had of gotten his lawyer to write up this agreement then he would have been out of money.

Doing a private sale was never something we wanted to do. We did this as a favor for them. However we were screwed. Before people start coming at this, “But of course if they could make more money blah blah blah”. We never denied that they could probably make more money if they were to go public with the sale. We told them that if they wanted to go that route they could. However the multiple confirmations and moments they could have told us they were having different thoughts was far too many to count. We aren’t upset at the fact that they told us they wanted to go with an agent. We are upset at the fact that we were strung along for 3 weeks this promise of a house which never was going to happen. To say we are devastated is an understatement.

That being said. Here is my tips for you if you are considering having a private sale or buying of a home.

1) Get it in WRITING! – One thing we didn’t do quick enough was get everything in writing. The day they called to back out of the verbal agreement was the day we were talking with lawyers to draw up a purchase agreement. Had we have had something in writing then maybe they would have been stuck in what they agreed to however that was our mistake for trusting someone I had known for over 18 years through my friend.

2) Have a back out clause. If you are going the private route make sure that you have a back out clause. Had they have come back to use and wanted to re-negotiate a deal with us. Which they had not done first (Mind you we could have also offered them a bit more then what they wanted to if they had even asked us..But they choose not to.) we would have for sure put something in the new contract in regards to them that if they were to back out they would have owed us something of financial security for wasting our time with them.

3) And I know.. This may come as a wasted point. But DO NOT GET EXCITED UNTIL EVERYTHING IS FINALIZED! My boyfriend and I continuously reminded one another not to get excited, this isn’t for sure, don’t get your hopes up and all that stuff. However as time passed we got more and more excited because there was the confirmations along the way. No more of that for us. It is a very difficult lesson to learn and we are still feeling the loss of this house. Sure nothing was set in stone but that didn’t make anything less real. We got our hopes up in a world that could use a little bit more. And we are the ones who are feeling this loss.

If anything, I hope by reading this you learn from our mistakes. Now we are on the hunt and keeping our eyes peeled on the house of our dreams. We may be looking far too early for when we are able to move. However you really have to keep your eyes on what houses are selling, what prices they are going for, and when are they going up for sale. We have all the criteria we would like to have it’s just catching one that we can put an offer in at the right time without having it go up tens of thousands of dollars and it quickly becomes out of our price range too.

And a friendly reminder, You really don’t know someone for any amount of years. Money changes people. Even ones you thought that you knew. And before letting your heart get broken and back to square one again, remember that you have to look out for number one. YOU.

Do you have any moving horror stories?
Anything you wish you could have done differently when buying a home whether publicly or privately?
Let me know in the comments below!

– Stacey

Want to get a first peek at all of the exclusive content i have to offer? First dibs on items for sale, bonus streams, extra content, or picking topics for blogs or character names in upcoming books? Sign up for my email list TODAY!

By clicking submit, you agree to share your email address with the site owner and Mailchimp to receive marketing, updates, and other emails from the site owner. Use the unsubscribe link in those emails to opt out at any time.

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.