Tag Archives: Opinion

Domestic Violence Double Standards – Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard

For anyone out there who may not get it, Domestic Violence does not choose one gender. Though as much as the media would like to portray, or even movies and things, Domestic violence is “known” to the world as something that a man does against a women. I know, this way of thinking is very barbaric and something that is a very old way of thinking. In fact, you might not hear about the reverse domestic violence because men might feel ashamed or scared to speak up for having folks call them weak. This also goes for relationships that are homosexual, inter-racial and the one everyone knows and associates as the heterosexual ones.

Domestic violence does not have to be physical. A lot of people think that physical is the top however there is multiple ways domestic violence can be classified. This can be from mental and emotional abuse, financial abuse, isolation is also a part of this too. There is an assumption that when someone says they have dealt with domestic violence that they have been beaten when in fact a lot of people who have had mental and emotional abuse can be just as damaging as the physical wounds as well. Another misconception that people have about domestic violence is that if it is physical you have to be able to see something. That is not necessarily true. Just because you do not see the bruises or marks does not mean it didn’t happen.

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This brings me to the title of this blog. Johnny Depp and Amber Heard have been an on going case in regards to domestic violence. The big story here is that there was domestic violence in the relationship. Who was the instigator in this? Well that is up to a judge to decide however the evidence is pretty damming against Amber. There is things such as recordings showing the courts that Amber is the one at fault when in reality Johnny Depp being a man is the one to blame. Or so people think. As time went on Johnny Depp was removed from movie roles for the allegations what have been made against him. This includes being removed from the Fantastic Beasts franchise as well. Now, You might be asking yourself, what happened to Amber? Nothing. She was not removed from any type of role what so ever. I won’t go in to much details on the court case as I would like you to base your opinions for yourself and not be swayed by my opinion.

The problem here is that when you think domestic violence you automatically assume it is a man against a woman. To say it bluntly, this is the year 2021. There is MULTIPLE ways that domestic violence can occur. It can be man on man, women on women, it can be a women on a man also too. The double standard when it comes to domestic violence and how it is viewed is so skewed that we often are clouded by what is happening based on what we think should be happening. Domestic violence knows no boundaries and it does not discriminate against any type of person.

As a society, we need to stop this one way of thinking. There is a huge stigma when a man comes forward with domestic violence allegations and stigma around what type of person they are. Often they are called weak or similar names. They are made to feel small and they are not normally supported. There is a reason why a lot of domestic violence goes unreported especially with the opposite sex or different relationships because they are often swept under the rug or brushed off by different people.

This goes back to the age old question people pose “Well if it was that bad, Why couldn’t you just leave”. Which is both insulting and misunderstood. When in an abusive relationship regardless of age, sex, religion, or race, you really dont have that option. Sure you may be thinking about it more often than not, but with the isolation aspect of domestic violence you mean have many fears leaving, and if there are children involved that makes it even more challenging to leave.

We must change the way of thinking that there is no specific way domestic violence occurs. If we were to understand that it can happen to actually any person on the planet and not bash anyone for coming forward maybe there would be more reports of such. We need to stop belittling folks who put themselves out there and who are survivors of domestic violence instead of making them suffer in silence. The faster we open our mind of thinking the quicker everyone will benefit from this.

Even hollywood has this backward way of thinking, that is obvious if you watch and keep tabs on the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp case. The public was so quick to jump down and think Johnny Depp was the abuser here because a women couldn’t possibly be the abuser, that he lost a lot of what he worked hard for only to have the case slowly unravel and show that it is not always as simple as one might think in these situations.

I sincerely hope that you brush up on this case, It really is mind blowing how quickly people were to point fingers and how the evidence that is coming out is pointing them in the opposite direction. People assumed that something like domestic violence is a yes or no answer when in actuality there is a lot of maybe, and sure in the mixes too.

Have you followed the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp case?
What are your thoughts with Domestic Violence and the double standard that happens when situations arise for this?


Let me know in the comments below. I would really like to hear your perspective on what is happening and even ways that you think might be able to change the way the world views these.

Struggles of an Over Thinker

If you are someone like myself that normally finds that their mind is going 100 miles per minute you will know the struggle that I have when it comes to life. If you are someone who is pretty relaxed and doesn’t over think things than this may be an eye opening experience to see how others minds work. There are a few things when it comes to this that are beneficial and others that are a bit challenging. Though overall, for myself anyways I think it can be more challenging than anything!

I over think EVERYTHING. I like things to be a certain way, I like things to be my way, and I like to dream BIG! I would say that I have so many ideas that it can be frustrating to get everything done. I don’t know how many ideas I have had when I was growing up that a lot of the things never went super far due to over thinking things or coming up with another “better” (at the time) idea to move on to also! Let’s jump in to some of the problems it can cause over thinking things.

One major problem I have with being an over thinker is the multiple ideas and no where to start or execute them. I have had so many ideas when I was growing up and one of the best ideas I had that I never followed through with was when I was a teenager I wanted to build a milk carton boat. I saved up all the milk cartons we had so that I could sail across the lake by my parents house. When I went on a grade nine trip my mom ended up throwing them away (She was a hater of ideas, just kidding!). Sometimes I have so many things on the go from over thinking things it can be hard and I often get down on myself for not doing things. Right now for example for the time writing this I have ideas that are about this blog, trying to get multiple blogs written to take me through to September PLUS bonus blogs so that when we move I don’t have to think about the consistency, I am thinking about the home renovations and what I want to do for those, I am thinking about the book I am in the final editing process and hopefully will publish soon, as well as mini short story horror compilations that I would like to put out but need to write and have the chapters written in a book also too, and on top of that being a mom and streaming too! Over thinking things especially for me can be challenging and a struggle because I often get over whelmed.

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I am sure even if people are not over thinkers a lot of us can relate to over thinking when it comes to friendships. If someone hasn’t returned your messages or something you may automatically go to that dark place in your mind where you think that you did something wrong. Then you go back through all your conversations where you think and wonder if there was something that you may have said or done that caused this. You wrack your brain for a long time or until you hear from this person only to find out that it had absolutely nothing to do with yourself. I do this quite often and have been this way for a very long time. It can be super hard to keep friendships or keep your own sanity when you over analyze things you may or may not have done. The only thing you have to realize as well too, and I know I often forget this myself, when we are talking online which we do more often than not now a days is that you cannot tell someone and their intentions based on texts. Maybe someone was offended by what you said when the intentions were not there. Or maybe you think the person was mad at you and you now think about it all day when really they were not mad at all. This is something that I regularly struggle with and am working on trying to not over think interactions with friends. It is hard to do.

Lastly, I know a lot of us can also relate to this, for sure, over thinking before you go to bed! I know across Facebook or any social media you can see the memes pop up here and there about a photo where something or someone is in bed, and they are ready to sleep only to show a clock at 3am and whatever the subject is, laying there wide awake. This would be me. I know before you come at me, yes limiting the screen time before bed will help. I do this and have cut back. But that still doesn’t change anything sometimes when you can’t turn off your brain! I used to bring my tablet to bed, now I only bring my phone. I try to only watch a couple satisfying videos on YouTube as I find it makes my eyes tired. Once we move I anticipate that I will probably read more because I will have my own side of the bed again (currently it is next to the wall and I have no room for a lamp!) which will be nice to have the space. As much as you can say stop thinking about things, it really is not that simple and as hard as you try to have a clear mind it just doesn’t happen that way. What is worse, is being pregnant and waking so much for the washroom during the night, sometimes I will wake up, and think about something else and it starts the cycle again where I am again over thinking things and unable to sleep.

Regardless if you are an over thinker a lot of the times like myself, or someone who occasionally over thinks things. The struggle is real. Finding some solution to easing your mind (unless you embrace it like I try to do sometimes!) it really can be hard and anyone who does not know how it feels to relate to this.

Are you an over thinker like myself?
What are some things you do to help ease your mind when you feel over whelmed?


Let me know in the comments below as I would love to hear ways you cope with this!

Why Gender Reveal Parties are Over Rated

If you are someone fortunate enough to not know what a gender reveal party is, honestly, I am a bit jealous of you and consider yourself lucky. This is one of the latest trends when it comes to having a baby or announcing that you are expecting. Instead of either waiting til you give birth to know the gender, or finding out and simply phoning family or friends, people thought it would be a great idea to have a party to celebrate.

What seems so innocent started pretty basic. A couple would get their ultrasound at approximately 20 weeks to have all the anatomy checked out and they ask the tech to write the gender down on a piece of paper or in an envelope. They then would bring this to a bakery for example and ask them to write some clever saying on the top like “Pink or Blue, which one is you?”. Then they would make the icing on the inside either pink or blue so that when the parent(s) cut into the cake they would know the gender based on the frosting inside. How this whole fad was created I will never know but one can only assume it was based off of someone doing a small reveal and them wanting to do something bigger.

Well, fast forward 5 or 10 years and now it has become some big competition. You have people who still do the cakes, that probably will never change. Then you have people who also do balloons, whether filled with confetti or even a powder. And whenever it is popped you see the color fill the air around. Then you have the crazy folks who need to announce the gender of their little bundle with explosives or some sort of dangerous way. Which sure, does not always backfire but more and more recently you see people getting hurt or even family’s having a member pass away due to some freak accident regarding the way they choose to share this moment with their friends and family.

Then you have people like myself who are old fashioned and when we found out we were having a boy with my 1st child we simply took a photo of the ultrasound and sent it to family and friends and announced it online/texts/phone calls which, brace yourself, completely FREE! We did not want to do a big celebration when it comes to announcing the sex of our baby because as exciting as it is we do not want another reason to spend money. We dont feel like we were competing with anyone so we did not want to give reasons for others or ourselves to spend money.

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And before you say, “But it doesn’t have to cost money!”. Any type of party whether a baby shower, birthday, anniversary will cost money. Sure you can do it on a lower end by just getting the cake with different colored frosting on the inside BUT there is a lot more to it also. From getting the blue or pink colored plates or cups where you use the color you guess the baby will be. To decorations which you can do a solid neutral color like black or gold and silver. Or again, the two colors blue and pink. Then some gender reveal parties have little games and things that you also play. And lastly food. You cannot have a part if there is no food! Especially with a pregnancy involved! Again, you could save money with doing a pot luck style where folks being different dishes however that is another different cost for people to almost foot part of the bill.

The problem, why these gender reveal parties are so over rated, in my opinion is it becomes a show and competition people have with neighbors. With internet and technology as far advanced as it is you can search videos endlessly a out different gender reveals while thinking of your own way to up stage the ones already out there. By doing this it can also cause these reveals to take a dangerous, and even deadly route also. This is due to people wanting to create bigger explosions and bigger shows in front of their friends and families which can ultimately create permanent consequences. And for what? To be the next biggest or viral video online. There is also things that can go wrong like confetti guns not firing, balloons being let go and floating up into the air without knowing the gender too. Not every party that is planned goes perfectly.

Then you have the risk of also showing public disappointment if you are expecting to have a different gender than you were hoping on. Recently there was a video was a video of a dad and mom breaking the balloon with pink being the color scene. The dad immediately showed his disappointment. There is nothing wrong with expecting or hoping for a gender but to show THAT MUCH outward emotions over the gender of your child which ultimately you have a 50/50 chance at either a boy or a girl maybe knowing before everyone else would be a better idea. In the heat of the moment it can be really hard to control your reactions especially if you are more set on one gender than the other one.

For me, I am a mom of one and pregnant with number 2. Our goal is to have a family of 3 children. None of them (even the future one) we have ever thought about having a gender reveal party. Even pre Covid we never thought to have one. I guess we are nearly old fashioned where we just would rather tell our family and friends personally instead of making a big event out of it. There will be other opportunities for us to celebrate out newest family member and we just do not believe that their gender is one of those!

Have you planned to have a gender reveal party before?

Did you pass up on the idea of having a party to reveal it?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

Using Mental Health As An Excuse For Poor Behavior

Before I begin, I want to make it very clear. Mental Health is no joke. People have legitimate health problems and need to have help with that regardless of if it is by going to a doctor, getting on medications, talking to someone or just adopting new self care habits to be better as a person by coping better with these issues. Whether it be anxiety or depression, ADHD or OCD, there are many types of things and if you have one of these and someone else does everyone has different experiences. I am in no way down playing that mental health can be a reason why some people don’t do things or do them. This is going to be talking about people who habitually do harmful things and use their mental health as an excuse.

There are many people, especially on “Streamer Twitter”, who seem to use their mental health as a reason for treating others badly. They may write snappy or shady tweets with people and say they were having a bad mental health day. This is completely wrong and should be called out. Sure, people could argue with me and say they didn’t mean it, or they didn’t think about it when it happened, or it slipped out, but that is not okay. Whether or not you are having a bad day mental health wise, under no circumstances should you be trying to put someone else down. If you are having a tough day chances are talking about it is a lot different then talking about someone else. No one else can control your health physically, mentally, emotionally or whatever else you are dealing with than you.

This ties into blaming others for your mental health. “Oh, I seen Johnny Appleseed post about their life and how great it is and now I am feeling bad about mine, I’m going to post a veiled insult towards them and leave it vague so people don’t know who I’m talking about” etc. It may be hard for you or anyone to feel good for others especially if they have good things happening in their life. Remember the golden rule anyone?
“If you have nothing nice to say, Don’t speak”
Sometimes as adults we forget this. We teach it to our children that some things are better left unsaid and as adults we always feel like we need to be saying whatever is on our mind regardless of if it hurts anyone. After we find out we may have hurt someone with our words we find ourselves making an excuse. Whether that be something is happening at home, You had bad news, You were having a bad mental health day, An episode of some sort was happening, whatever.

Policing online social media is becoming a very big thing. I have noticed this based on the circles I follow on twitter for example. Here is the situation. Someone may commit suicide or they may discuss a traumatic life event, like abuse or rape. Someone or many people who follow this person or see the topic arise will tweet or post about how they do not want to see this on their timeline and that they shouldn’t be posting this in the open to the world because it effects their mental health. They want to have a timeline free from their triggers and memories so they try to police what others may have said. This goes with differing opinions as well too. If someone thinks mental health is over played a lot, and someone has diagnosed problems, they feel the need to tell off the person with a differing opinion instead of taking this time to educate someone on the effects that one may have by posting opinions like that.

Spending too much time on Social Media, in my opinion, could be a major reason why some people have mental health struggles. Instead of taking time away when we feel down we go online where we are surrounded by things that can bring us down further, such as others success, images that make us feel sad, or whatever else we may encounter when browsing the web. The best thing I have done recently is trying to take time away from social media. I write on my laptop in the living room a lot and don’t nearly spend half as much time on the PC as I did before. My laptop is quite old so many tasks are not able to be performed on it. I simply use it to check twitter and discord and write these when I am feeling a free moment when my son is playing independently. I spend time in my books and writing things down for planners and schedules and what not. I love to hand write things and if I can do it offline then I will do it since I know if makes me feel a lot better or at ease with myself when I am away from the the online world.

Being diagnosed with a mental health issue does NOT make you a professional. That statement is bold, Yes, but it also couldn’t be more true. If you have Anxiety you are not a professional. If someone is reaching out for ideas or questions about this, sure you are able to put in your thoughts about it. But do not try to tell someone that their concerns are invalid because maybe they haven’t been diagnosed with it like you have, or that because they are experiencing things in a different way that they must not have the same diagnosis that you do because the illness presents itself different in you. This is not fair and can be extremely damaging to someone. Their feelings and thoughts are very much real to them even if you may not think so.

Regardless of what you have been diagnosed with or how well versed on a subject you might be when it comes to mental health, it still does not give you the excuse ever, to put others down. Poor behavior is not to be excused by poor mental health. That being said, if you do have a lapse in judgement and treat someone badly or try to put something out in the world to harm others, admit that. It may see hard and like a tough thing to do at the time. However the feeling you get when you admit this fault after the fact will be better and the payout worth while. On the flip side also, If someone has done something towards you, or something that was intentionally made to hurt you, take the high road. Block or mute someone, reach out privately about how you may have seen whatever happened in a not so clear way too. Sometimes others don’t realize what they are doing is hurtful, just as you may not realize what you have said to be hurtful either!

Do you know people who use mental health as a blanket excuse for poor behavior?
Do they try to police others on how to think or feel?
Have you found yourself in these situations before?


Let me know in the comments below! I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

-StaySeeJ

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Valentine’s Day Commercialized?

I think we can all agree that when it comes to holidays just about every single one is commercialized. From Christmas basically starting at the end of August before Halloween has even come and gone. To having diamonds and jewels promoted for holidays around romance too. But why is that? Why is a holiday such as Valentines day commercialized?

For me, growing up we did something for Valentines day in Canada. Whether that be when you are a young child frantically trying to write all the names of your classmates on a card to give on the day. And forgetting the paper so trying to guess them off. Or even telling your parents the day before that they aren’t done and stressing them out as well. Normally there was a little party with some treats and fun games too. Don’t forget finding the best cards that you didn’t think anyone else would have and giving your friends the ones that had the best picture or jokes on them too. Something that felt like ages to complete as a kid but really it may have taken a half an hour or 45 minutes of your time to do.

Fast forward to being an adult, you typically have 3 types of people who think about this particular holiday. You have the first group who goes all out, buys jewellery or gems or chocolate and candy or whatever else there is to buy on the holiday. Secondly you have people who absolutely despise the holiday. They think that is totally commercialized (And I guess they aren’t that wrong with that opinion) and they don’t partake in any of the types of things people do to celebrate it. Then you have a third group who really wings it and will celebrate but not in a bit way or they wont go all out but if someone they are with would like to celebrate or something then they will do that though. There really is no right or wrong way to celebrate any holiday it is just what you choose.

For me, I would like to say that I am a third group. I remember being a kid and my mom always did something special for us for Valentines day. She would give us a valentine in our bags which somehow we never seen her put in. She would normally give us some heart pencils or stickers or erasers and a few extra treats that day too. It was a really nice surprise that I think I will adopt and do once my son and perhaps future kids will look forward to. Heck, My mom even did this when I was in collage and away she would send something by mail with some candy and a card just that she was thinking of me.

As an adult, I still say I am in the third group. Since being with my boyfriend I more or less have gotten things that are a couples gift. If I remember correctly, the first Valentines day we were together I got us some chocolate and some candles and coloring books so we could just sit and chill and color. Nothing super expensive but something that we could do together and just relax. I even got some candy and chocolate too. I may have even gotten bubble bath but the tub in his apartment was so small I could have forgotten! Though I do like to at least get a card. For some reason I am really into cards. For what? I don’t know but they are a great memory and I have many many cards as well too. I think the art of picking out a card for someone and thinking of them as you read the saying or even adding your own means so much more than gifts. Even if I am flat broke I still will try to at least get a small gift or in the very least a card to celebrate it.

Now here is the question, Do I ever go a bit overboard? Sure. But it never is that much due to the fact that I cannot mentally justify why I would go into small debt for a holiday. If that were the case I feel like I would have to do the same for St Patricks day as well too or any of those smaller holidays. I will however if I am able to, I will more likely get decorations for the holiday to keep up for the month or the days surrounding the holidays instead. I do this especially with Easter too where I try to get certain things that can be used year after year. I guess it is my own way of justifying spending money on the holiday if I can grow the collection of decorations to be used every year.

Overall, and this goes with any holiday. Don’t ever make yourself go broke. Valentines day is a day to celebrate the love you have for other people, whether that be your spouse, or your children or even friends. It really is not work going into debt for. No holiday is worth going into debt for. If you have the means to do so, head out to any dollar store or dollar tree if you are American and get some things like my mom used to do for myself and my siblings. Sometimes the smallest of gestures can have such a huge impact on people. And if you are unable to do that, You can always make something from the heart! A piece of paper and a pencil can work wonders in making a card. It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy. Spending more money on things does not equal a better reaction! Remember that!

Is there anything that you can remember for Valentines day that you had happen as a child? Whether in school or something you had happen at home? Do you not celebrate it at all too?

Let me know in the comments below! I am curious to hear how different places celebrate Valentines Day.

-StaySeeJ

Why Tim Horton’s Sucks Now

I think it is safe to say that most people in Canada or even some parts of the world knows what Tim Horton’s is. Tim’s would be the Dunkin Donuts equivalent to the United States, or even the Krispy Kremes of the United Kingdom. And whatever else you would consider a big chain coffee shop with pastry delights in them. Tim Horton’s is a coffee shop. Chances are if you live in Canada you can get to one within a 30 minute drive if not far far before. Some streets go as far as having a Tim Horton’s every so many blocks. In gas stations, stand alone, in malls or in other stores as a side spot too.

Photo by Ahmed Raza Khan Films on Pexels.com

I think one of the biggest issues that I have with Tim Horton’s, and I would say a lot of Canadians have the same issue, it is that the company is not even Canadian owned anymore. The company was sold to Burger King or Wendy’s or whatever have you but the company that every Canadian knew of is no longer the Canadian company that we once knew and loved. I would even beg the idea that the quality has gone down as well. Everything pre-made and packaged and bakers simply throw in the oven. Or at least that is the way it tastes, like it has come off a factory line. Not to mention the regular things people once loved like coffee and things have changed. People are reaching for the cheaper counter part at McDonald’s which need I mind you in the summer has the dollar menu for drinks as well too.

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My personal gripe with Tim Horton\s was when they took my beloved Cinnamon Donuts and Timbits off the menu. That was my all time favorite flavor of donut and they took it away. It was a flavor that I had known and loved from when I was a child to the moment they removed it from rotation. This particular item isn’t even out in particular seasons or anything they are just gone. Now I have not found a spot that has these items still but if there is a place out there I urge you PLEASE comment where and if I am ever around hopefully they have that there when I arrive. It was such a simple flavor where they have taken it off and have put on more complicated flavors such as Oreo. Do we really need an Oreo flavor baked good from Tim’s, I think not!

Photo by Erik Mclean on Pexels.com

Another memory of my childhood that has been gone and I am unable to find is the “Gingerbread Figure”. See how progressive Tim hortons used to be? And now what, Nothing! This was just as it explains, a gingerbread person with either just icing or icing and a harden sugar head. Sometimes it was based on holidays or a generic girl or boy person. It really depended. Sometimes it was cartoons of popular movies or kids shows or even just animals too. I always loved going with my grandparents to Tim Horton’s in the mornings when I stayed the night there and looking through the glass case at Tim’s to see that they had some made! I would choose this one every time. I would always pick off one of the legs and then the arms and then save the sugar head for last. I know this probably sounds super morbid then it really is but honestly I was a small child and it really isn’t that bad!

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I will say even though they have basically sold out the heart and soul of Canadians that they still do a lot for the country. Especially for the children. For the supporting minor hockey, the Timbits so to speak or their camp day and smile cookie day too. They continue to help our programs that are impacting the kids of the country’s lives daily and helping the art of sport be more accessible. And their camps that are including everyone no matter their abilities.

I’m sure, after I have tried to rip into the Tim’s you are asking yourself, Wow, Does she like anything there? I do actually. I enjoy having their iced coffee made with chocolate milk and I also enjoy having an Iced Capp also made with chocolate milk. Sometimes I don’t mind a sour cream glazed donut or a chocolate chip cookie, Only if they are chewy though! As far as anything else I really am not a fan of their bagels that i once loved. I avoid that. Tea biscuits cheese no ham or just plain are also good however microwaved with butter is how they are enjoyed best!

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Even though they continue to do things that tick most people off. I probably will still enjoy their products here and there. I know it sounds cray why would you still go there when you have a lot of negative to say. I still enjoy some of their things, however if they were to change their iced capps that would be extremely hard for me to go there really. A major point we go there is because of their convenience. When I go for a road trip we always stop their first for their quick eats and coffee even if it doesn’t taste very good which is happening more often than not.

I am all for supporting Canadian shops however the more time passes they seem to be becoming less and less of what my memories are made of. Something that was a part of nearly every shift on my way there has become a few times a year. I just am not interested in going out especially with Covid let alone for their maybe okay tasting drinks. We have recently upgraded our home coffee in the previous year to a Nespresso and with the Cold Wave system that nearly instantly cools hot coffee, I would say that there really is no need.

Is there something that you really liked when you were younger from a restaurant or shop that has changed and you find yourself avoiding it

is it only known in your country or worldwide

Let me know as I am curious if anyone else has experienced this as well too!

When Are You Getting Married/Having Any Kids?

As an adult, these are two of the most annoying questions I think I have ever heard in my life. Like many other I am sure hearing them can make you feel not very good about yourself. They may make you feel frustrated or angry. Or they may even make you feel sad also. Being the oldest out of my siblings and being the last to have a child and get married, it sucked to hear this. My boyfriend and I had just welcomed out first child in 2020 and that same year were together 10 years. No, we are not engaged either. However my brother who is a bit younger was married around 21 and had a step son and a daughter a few years later. My sister was also married fairly early and is also with 2 kids too. Hearing these questions were not a good feeling and to be fair near the end it was extremely frustrating and quite frankly made me angry.

People think asking these is harmless.  It’s not. Maybe a couple has decided against doing all of these. Maybe they have been actively trying to have a child for years and have been unsuccessful. Or perhaps they have had miscarriages and this is a reminder of that. Asking these questions is extremely personal. Not to mention if they have answered this for people multiple times prior chances are that they wont be changing their answer. Or they simply do not wish to tell you.

Since I was the last person to start a family out of my siblings and was with my boyfriend for a long time I got this question often. It sucked. It made me feel like I should be doing something in my life to please everyone. And that is not okay. I was waiting to have kids as was my boyfriend. We never wanted kids young so we could live our life. But the outside pressures and always being asked was something we didn’t like hearing year in year out multiple times. Near the end it made us angry like our last answer wasn’t good enough so the question being asked continuously was annoying. Our answer never changed. We always said soon or we always said yes, we planned on having kids. We never said that we didn’t want to have kids or a family with children. It was just that it wasn’t necessarily convenient for us. We liked to have the freedom of being able to do a little travel within the country and just leave out dog home. We liked being able to do a quick day trip around where-ever without thinking about packing up the car and children. We had no problem waiting for kids and that is exactly what we did. Our problem was with people who would want us to have children sooner based on their expectations of it. The comments we have heard was “We’ll you don’t want to be old having kids” or ” you want to see them have grand kids” Which was super frustrating to me because my mom had a previous child in the 80s whom passed away, however my 3 siblings and I were born when her and my dad were early 30’s. The exact same age I am now. I feel like there was this pressure because my younger siblings had their own families so young that I was being pushed to do the same thing.

As I am sure you can tell I am becoming the black sheep of the family as I have a child and am also not married. My boyfriend has no desire to get married however I know that some day I would like to be married and it never had to be before kids though. I always pictured being married after we were finished having children and they would all be a part of it. My brother had proposed to his now wife after knowing her for a brief period and her being there after he went away with the military. My sister was engaged to her now husband after they were together a few years and had knew one another in high school. I have told my boyfriend that yes, I do want an engagement ring on my finger. However I am not going to start planning or anything as that isn’t even on my radar in terms of things I want to plan. But eventually yes I would like it to happen. Comments from friends and family like “You aren’t even engaged yet!” or “You have a child before getting married?”. Honestly, My boyfriend and I had just celebrated a 10 year anniversary, I would like to think that we are going to be going pretty steady if we aren’t broken up now. Especially since I know i drove him crazy from quarantine also.

I think at the end of the day you have to be honest about your feelings with this to people who keep pestering you. If you want to never have kids. Say it. If marriage is not in your cards. Say it. There is no shame in not wanting to have kids or marriage.

If you’re someone who asks these questions. Stop. They are never the outcome you want and it can be extremely discouraging when you have someone pry into your life like this. You are doing more damage then good. If a person wants to get married or they want to have kids you will know eventually. And if you did ask these questions before once is more then enough.

Before closing out this sensitive subject, I asked my boyfriend what he thought. He said this: “I think these questions are the same as finances, religion or politics, you just don’t ask”. I never really considered this to be true when it comes to this question but thinking about it from this perspective I don’t think I could agree more. I know for me personally having this question asked so many times over the years I tend to never mention this unless the person has mentioned it before.

Are you guilty of asking this question?
Have you had is asked of you and felt not so pleasant afterwards?

Let me know in the comments below!

-StaySeeJ

Why Celebrity Bloggers Grind My Gears

Now, Before you say,
“BuT StAcEy ThEy ArE CeLeBrItIeS”
Yes. I understand. I follow quite a few of them on social medias and I have no problem with that, This is one of the only things that I find to be super annoying when I see a celebrity I follow do this.

It really grinds my gears when celebrities are posting promotional items and they are far beyond the price point for the average consumer.

There I said it. I absolutely hate it. For example:
I follow a hockey wife on Instagram. I enjoy a lot of her content from the little things she does with her kids and the time spent juggling between the USA and Canada. What really is annoying though is she will promote all of these things. Mind you, she never normally uses the “#Ad” but she will write in different promo codes for people to use. Which is great! But when looking at the price of things before they even have a discount, I quickly discovered that the discount code would MAYBE pay for taxes. She even had this natural baby and child care line. I thought, oh hey let me check this out, I am a mom now after all! So I went to check it out, It was even a Canadian company. Well, I nearly fell over. The products that they were promoting were a few hundred dollars and the very least was about 70$ per item. There was no way I could justify spending that type of money on skin care and what have you for my son. Considering we are currently a one income house hold with one of my goals for 2021 being to gain some sort of an income financially. Even if I achieve my goal of 250-500 dollars per month financially I don’t even think that I could justify buying those.

And before, People are sitting there and saying in the comments that these people can buy what they want and blah blah blah. I understand that these people have a family income of tens of thousands if not more per month. From endorsements, to salary, to sponsorships and whatever else they are doing to bring money in. I just am a firm believe that if you are in a position of influence like you are trying to market yourself to the average housewife then putting things only for the higher income houses is just not something I am personally interested in. It will make me un-follow someone quickly.

I think this also plays into marketing as well. If you want to make the public see yourself as a brand that is marketed towards the typical housewife who stays at home looking after kids and has business ventures coming and going from time to time, marketing yourself with products that the average woman cannot afford is tough. I say this as I think to myself often that if I was to have sponsorships or endorsements come my way, I would like to think if this blog were to blow up with thousands of people following myself that I would make sure I was able to appeal to the general person who is reading this. Not someone who is making a 6 figure income. I would make sure that even if I was making money that the person who is at house taking care of children relying on just one income would be able to afford a purchase with little saving if they wanted to do so.

Obviously get sponsors and get endorsements from who you want even if you are catering to readers who are in the higher income household. However I would have a lot more respect if these people also offered a cheaper alternative. I see this a lot with clothing and it is one thing I do enjoy about the blog of this particular celebrity wife. I think it is great that they show a type of clothing that they have gotten and the cheaper price tag, or if people show an interest they even post the original and a knock off piece that looks the same. This is a great thing to see when influencers are trying to appeal to everyone.

Another thing that grinds my gears is a lot of these celebrity bloggers want to appeal to the general population. not other celebrities. I understand that they want to look professional as a blogger. I know I do. However, when they put photos on their blogs, they have perfect makeup, clothes, children, hair has not one strand in a different place. It is obvious that there is professional photography and sometimes they even mention it as well about having a photo shoot that day. The reality is that there is no perfect day. I know I am starting to try to include photos about my blog and relating to the posts however I know for a fact if I ever start taking photos that are perfect looking rest assured that I have not gotten a photographer. Not to mention my boyfriend has a pretty decent camera so if for some reason my phone camera photos are not good enough then I will start to ask him to take these photos.

Before I finish this, Don’t get me wrong. Whatever pays the bills you do it. But if you are a celebrity and you are trying to have this fake face about marketing to the population that is a lower income or a “normal” household than do so! If you want to market to fellow celebrities, DO THAT TOO! It just is extremely disheartening when you are looking at a celebrity who is claiming to be down to earth and living a “normal” affordable lifestyle and when you click on the product you would like to purchase with their discount code of affiliate link only to find the product so over priced that you no longer can afford it. It really makes you feel bad when you cant do something you had a little bit of excitement for.

If you could have any sponsorship or endorsement what would it be?
Is there any you would avoid? Or know that you would decline?

Let me know in the comments below!

-StaySeeJ

Things We Want For Our New House!

It comes as no surprise if you are a regular reader of the blog that I am more than excited to move back home to Nova Scotia. Mostly because we rent right now and cannot wait til we buy and have our own property again. There isn’t a whole lot on our list of demands when searching for a house but there is a few non-negotiable here. Especially where this will be our hopefully forever home and we won’t be moving again after this.

My boyfriend has one major request. That would be he either wants a garage or he wants a place to build a garage. All we had before was 2 sheds and now in our currently rental we have nothing. He wants a place he can tinker around or store his bike if he wants too. A place to put all his tools and what not too. For me it really doesn’t effect me about a garage or not but for him it is for sure a major deal breaker. If a property does not have a garage either, that will hopefully be reflected in the price. That way in the future he would be able to build one too.

For me, I am way more picky. I would like the house to have at least 1.5 bathrooms. In our old house we had a master bathroom and a half bathroom upstairs. No second shower or anything but there was a second toilet and sink which was great. If my boyfriend was getting ready for work he would be able to shave or wash his face instead of taking up the bathroom. Also if you needed to use the bathroom and someone was in the shower you would be able to do that without intruding on the person washing up. This was huge and we never really noticed the difference til we move to this rental where the bathroom is so small you can barely even move around. If you are sitting on the toilet you are only able to open the door a crack unless you turn around because there is so little space. I wouldn’t mind if we had just one shower and bath but I know for sure there best be two toilets in the new home! Along the lines I would like to also have a deep bathtub. Ultimately I would like to have a bathtub that I can lay down in and have my knees be under the water. I am not super tall so this might not be a hard task however the bathtub that we have no it gets the job done, don’t get me wrong, but I would like something that is a bit deeper. As far as jets or anything I really could care less since apparently they are a lot more pain in the butt than they are worth.

The backyard is something we are slightly both picky about. If the backyard has a fence that would be huge bonus points. We had a fenced in yard when we owned a house before and going to a house where you cannot have a fence and if you do it is a pain in the butt since you cannot take it with you when you move and you have to sell it. I would like a fenced in yard so that Sheldon can run around and enjoy the freedom. He cannot be let off a lease or he would run and run and run. So a fenced in backyard is for sure a bonus, if the yard doesn’t have one though we will just put one in so that really isnt a deal breaker.

Privacy is huge for us. our last home we lived somewhere that everyone could see in your backyard. There was no privacy what so ever and our rental home here is no different. When you stand on your back deck you can see at least 8 other homes. We do not want this. Ideally, we would like to have a house where we don’t see anyone. Total privacy but not in the sense that you have to drive to a neighbor, but just so that you don’t see them. They are close enough that if something happened you can go there but far enough that you don’t have to see them when they do things. We want it to also be a big back yard as we would like to put in a pool eventually, my spouse would love a hot tub but for me I could care less. We also want to build a nice fire pit for some entertaining hopefully when covid is over with. We want our back yard to be like a hidden oasis. I know it sounds nutty. We do not want to be house poor and forced to live just at our house but we want a space that is so nice we wont want to go anywhere else.

As far as inside goes, I would like a big kitchen. And big to us is really not what you may think. Our kitchen now in our rental is so small you can’t even stand together cooking. We want something where you can have a few people around and much more counter space as well. We went from a big open concept kitchen to this super small one and we both do not like it. So something open or even just a bigger space would be great. if it has a dining room area that would be a bonus for us but by no means a deal breaker though. And as far as bedroom I would love it to have 4+ since we would like to have 3 kids. Master bedroom would be ours and each child would have their own. However if there was a den that could be turned into a bedroom eventually that would also work out great as well too. Though I have no idea where we would be putting out computers and things though, that is all up in the air! Paint colors or flooring is not really a deal breaker either as we will be changing it if we do not like them.

Overall I feel like we are a bit more picky this time around instead of when we first bought a house. Mostly because of the fact that this will be our forever house. I will not want to move anywhere after this. I want to be here for the rest of my life tweeking and working on it so that we have a home anyone would love to be in.

What are somethings you want in your dream house?
What are your deal breakers?

Let me know in the comments below! Maybe I can add to my list too!

-StaySeeJ08

Christmas Traditions

I’m not even sure where to begin since there are so many traditions that my family has had and ones that I wanted to start with my son (And future kids!). To keep things simple we can talk about the ones I grew up with and then move on to ones that are new to bring into my Son’s life! And if I want to continue it with him I will mention that as well too!

My Family Christmas Party
This is something that was started so long ago and somehow it always falls off on my Uncle or my Mom to throw the party. however maybe when we buy a new home we will take it on! This is just my dad’s side of the family however there is sometimes my Nanny (Mom’s mom) Who comes as well since my grampie passed away. Though with Covid this year there is no party (Not that I am happy but I don’t feel bad about missing out since there is nothing to miss!)

Annual Tree Hunt
Before, when I was younger we used to get a tree for ourselves, Now we go and get a tree for friends of ours. This is when we go about an hour or so drive to a pot luck dinner. It is a bunch of friends of the family and my grandparents used to bring my mom and siblings to this, then my mom brought my siblings and I to it, And now (Well next year) I will be bringing my son to it! Everyone goes to a tree lot to chop down their tree (If they still have a real one!) And then we all go back for a potluck dinner with everyone. Again, Another thing Covid has cancelled.

Christmas Eve
This can be quite a busy day for us. We started the day mid afternoon by stopping at my mom’s friend from high school. Usually chatting for a little bit. Afterwards we would all go to my Aunt’s house, Well Great Aunt. They would make rappie pie. Which is like a weird acadian dish with potatoes and chicken pieces and stock, with bacon sprinkled on the top baked. The consistency was like boogers from your nose when you had a bad cold. Simply yucky and I cant even try it. My boyfriend loves it but screw that noise. Yuck. After my Aunt’s house we would go back to my parents house. That’s where we would prep for the evening. Normally my Dad has his brothers (Who live close) to come over. Normally they would wait til my parents were ready to put us to bed to come over and get us all excited since only one of them understood the concept of time. Now that we are older we just hang out at my mom and dad’s for a bit. When we were a kid we would go to bed and now as adults we go to our parents friends, Brenda and Juniors. Sadly Junior passed away a few years ago but we still head over and shoot some pool for a bit before hitting the hay. Oh, And dont forget to leave out milk and cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer as well too! Sometimes if we got them from school we would even leave reindeer feed for them to find their way to our house (This was normally glitter with oatmeal or what not so that you threw it on your lawn and Santa would know that there is children in the home!). We also always read the Night Before Christmas. We had the Hallmark version from way back when and it was a pop up.. I checked amaon and it was 300 dollars so needless to say I got a nice version that was a very small portion of that price. Maybe some day I will snag that version but until then the new book will do!

Christmas Day
When I was younger we would take turns going from my grandparents house to my parents for dinner. We would make Log Cabin Potatoes and by we I mean either my dad or my Grampie. Now that I am moved away though I make them for my house and my brother makes them for his, (I’ll share the recipe at the end of this post). Since my Grampie passed however, My dad normally makes them at home and we pick my grandmother up and go to my parents for dinner. My sister and her 2 kids will sleep over at their house since they dont have a Christmas tree due to her and her husbands religious beliefs but we all still celebrate the meal and exchange of gifts together. I know my parents would love for my family to also stay over there but I can say once we buy a new home next year I do not think we will be since there is barely enough room or beds let alone we have our own tree in our home that we will be opening gifts under. Not to mention I just enjoy sleeping in my own flipping bed! We typically ate around mid afternoon so that by supper time we could be in our own homes and relaxing in our food coma.

Boxing Day
Boxing day is pretty fun for my family as well. We typically go to my Dad’s oldest brothers house. We go about mid morning for a visit and for him to showcase all the things him and my aunt exchanged or got for Christmas. We are kind of pranksters and while he shows us things we really get him to give us the “full package” so to speak by taking everything out of their boxes or bags even if they are in an orgional box. We make the typical “Oooooo” and “Awwww” for the items and if my Uncle tries to tell us he doesnt want to do it we give him grief about it and he gives us grief back and it’s all in good fun! Even being away from home living in a different province if the time is right I will video chat with them for a bit and we will still pull the same tricks from a different province too!

Most of the traditions that I had done as a child I want to continue with my son, and future kids too. One in particular that I never had as a child I would like to start with him would be the pajama box on Christmas Eve. This is where they receive a gift of new jammies, and as they get older they would get some hot chocolate, maybe some popcorn, or a treat, That way they can have a nice movie and unwind before bed. I don’t think my Uncles would be making their way over since they have their own grand kids and what not already. And we won’t be doing the pool thing while our children are young since the evening wasn’t met for children. It was just for the adults. Though we may swing by though to say hello! Another I would like to do also when my children get older is to hide the pickle on the Christmas tree. Whoever finds the pickle gets a special gift. Something silly to match the little game. Elf on a shelf will also be happening however that is a bit away til my Son and future children understand what they are too!

As you can see, there really is many traditions that I had as a child and I am sure there will be many more for me to find out about and decide if they are right for our family!

What are some of your Christmas or Holiday traditions?

I would love to hear them.

-StaySeeJ08