Tag Archives: Relationship

Relationships After Having a Baby

Anyone could tell you that having a baby is tough. Whether or not you have children you can imagine the turmoil that you have by bringing another life into an equation. People always talk about how cute a baby is, or how well they are, and sleeping habits being great that no one ever really talks about the not so nice things happening. There are for sure ups and downs when it comes to raising a newborn up til they move out and head to collage. I’m going to talk about my opinions on this and if you are already questioning your decisions maybe this will either help or hinder your thoughts on whether or not you should bring a baby into your relationship or not.

If your relationship is rocky, or strained, or you have any major issues that routinely arise I would strongly suggest NOT having a baby. I don’t mean if you have the argument weekly about the dishes being left tin the sink. I also don’t mean who left the laundry to be folded instead of folding it themselves. Bringing a baby into a relationship that is already rocky will not help anyone out. Not to mention do you really want to be bringing in another life to something that is extremely hard already? You will no doubt argue and fight about more then the baby. Sure, there will be a honeymoon phase of the new baby where you are showing them off, or you are trying to share the joy of your little one. Give it a few weeks of little to no sleep, different parenting styles, housework being pushed a bit away, and things like that before you REALLY decide whether or not you have made a smart or a not so smart decision.

One of the hardest parts about having a baby is realizing that you no longer “own” your time. Your life now revolves around another human being for essentially the rest of your life or in the very least when they are 18 years old. Realizing this sooner than later is probably for the best but it is an adjustment. This means the time you used to spend with your partner may be dashed in half. especially depending if they are back to work right away.

Adjusting to life with a new baby alone is hard. Doing it while in a relationship is also hard too. However, I will say in the beginning when my son was very very little I had mentioned to my boyfriend multiple times I have no idea how single parents do this. It was extremely hard to wrap my head around doing things alone. Especially when you are so sore and healing in the first few weeks. And you want to sleep whenever the baby does too! Not to mention, if you have multiple kids and are unable to sleep so easily too since the other child will be awake and running around too!

One thing that I found to be incredible for my relationship since having a baby (And planning on having another one hopefully in the near future too!) is having a Date Night. I am lucky that my partner has a 9-5 job and weekends off so the day can never change however if your spouse has a schedule that changes that is okay too! We have a date night every Saturday night where once our son goes to sleep we watch a movie, we watch some TV shows, we sometimes sit on our phones and just talk about things, we look at houses since we are buying, we laugh or just hang out. Whatever we chose to do we do it together. No video games, nothing else. I think this has helped us INCREDIBLY in keeping close. Finding time to appreciated each other can be challenging when you have a little one.

This wont be as easy if you have a new born since they still wake quite frequently how we still watched shows while he slept on the bassinet beside us. Then what we would do is that we would still watch things but he would be right beside is. Not that he is a year old and sleeping regularly it is nice that on the weekend we have this day together. Whether or not we get special snacks or meals to enjoy once our son is asleep too.

As a couple who I was lucky enough for my partner to take off 9 months (I was not working) when our son was born, and being stuck inside the house due to covid restrictions I can honestly say that there has been some tough points. Being stuck in the same vicinity as your partner unable to show the world your new bundle of joy even to family has been hard. I do feel like am closer to my partner for the fact that we shared the moment of giving birth together. Would this have saved a relationship on the rocks? Probably not. But for him and I being together for over 10 years this was a huge moment and a new thing we both got to experience together.

It is important to remember, before bringing a baby into the world you should have a great base to be able to have the most stable life this tiny human can have. We all know a family or two that had been struggling and brought new people into the world and you wonder, why the heck they thought bringing a new baby into that would be a good idea? Don’t let yourself be that family people mention and feel bad for. Give your child the best start at life that you possibly can! This includes having a great relationship or maybe a stable house if you aren’t in a solid relationship either.

I would also like to point out also, having a stable and solid relationship doesn’t have to mean with someone sexually or romantically. It could mean having a stable and supportive system in place to help you along on this journey too. Maybe it is family or friends who have had children before that you can ask them questions or concerns they arise as your little one grows, or someone you can even confide in when you have challenging things pop up in the new parent life.

And remember, YOU CAN DO IT! Even if things seem to be tough, You can do this!

Was your relationship in a good spot when you decided to have kids?
We’re you a single parent or in a relationship?

Let me know in the comments below!

– Stacey

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Why You Should Try Online Dating (At Least Once!)

Before I begin, I want to make it clear this is mostly talking about the pre-tinder days. I am sure that they all apply though the same, since I assume each dating app or site all function basically the same way. It is just a matter of trying to apply this to another spot. The site that I once used was called Plenty of Fish which I am sure is still up, however how popular it is I really don’t know since you can do everything you want on a website simply on your phone.

I was about 16 when I first tried to dabble in the online dating scene. I never admitted it to my parents though because they would never be too happy. Not to mention if I remember correctly you had to be over the age of 18 in order to even sign up which I was not. I could have even been a bit older like 17 or so but I know I was not just 18 that is a fact. When I went online the first time I wanted to meet people and be a bit risky. I never was interested in guys from my school and they weren’t interested in me. I had to go to different spots in order to meet different people. I smoked weed and wanted the person I was dating to also smoke weed. I wanted them to have their own place and also for them to smoke cigarettes too since I also smoked those. I really had no standards what so ever I just knew I wanted to have some typical “bad boy” to be my boyfriend. I had absolutely nothing in regards to standards or how I wanted to be treated either. And low and behold I got exactly that. A person who treated me like garbage, was a couch surfer and didn’t even work half the time just mooched off the government for whatever reason too. He was by far the worst relationship I will probably ever been in during my entire life.

You would think this would scare me off of dating. I was now 20 and still thought I would go back online. When I talked about it with my friends they all would make jokes about how the only thing they even encountered there was people who were only looking for sex would be there and everyone was creeps. No one ever talked about how they found someone they wanted to be in a relationship with. I would like to think the second time that I went on that site I was more mature and actually had standards for myself. I knew after coming out of a relationship that resembled garbage I wanted to have very high standards. I wanted to find someone who had a job, and I mean not just a little job, Like a career. I wanted them to have a vehicle not because I didn’t but because I knew they would be able to come to me instead of me always taking the bus. I also wanted them to have a place and not one with roommates or anything. Call it what you wanted but this was what I thought I deserved so I made sure that was what I found.

How I meant my currently boyfriend was on the same site, Plenty of Fish. He had just moved to Halifax in the August and we had met I believe end of September or early October. He had his own apartment and a car, and he worked for the government. I feel incredibly lucky to have met him when I did I feel like someone would have scooped him up. Dating him was weird at first since he paid for meals and movies, he picked me up and treated me to different things. It was a nice change of pace from the previous a-hole I was with before. Something I always have remembered is that when I asked him what made him interested in my profile I had something along the lines of “I have a job, I don’t need your money and I wont be giving you mine” because I was basically supporting my ex while he sat on his butt milking the government for whatever money he could get.

Now as I mentioned before, I never was dating during the tinder or whatever apps are out there. However I feel like this applies to all of the dating helpers across the board. Dating apps and websites are just what you want them to be. They are tools in meeting someone and they are something that if you go in to it looking for a one night stand chances are that is what you would find. For me if someone was creepy or weird I simply blocked them so contact was done and I would move on to the next person. I went into online dating twice. First time standards low and found a piece of poop type of a guy. Second time I went in with high standards and here i am with the man 10 years later with a few pets and our son. If you are looking for a relationship then chances are you can actually find one.

Some tips I would suggest:
– Be honest and upfront. If you want kids or marriage, say it. If you don’t want either or only one of them, say it. When we started dating as any relationship we were pretty much on board with what we wanted in life.
– Don’t keep the website or app if you want this to be a serious relationship. When my boyfriend and I were getting serious and official we both de-activated our accounts at the same time together to show we were over it. If you are serious you wont need to have that still, You can always get it back and it kind of shows you are closing that online dating scene door and looking forward.
– Don’t waste time on “Maybe’s”, If someone doesn’t know what they want chances are you won’t help them get there.
– If possible, Do a video chat before meeting. Mind you I never met or seen my current boyfriend before we met in person. But as a general rule this was something we followed. And in the very least, chat on the phone first. That way you can at least hear different tones and what not.
– Have your guard up against cat-fishing people. If they are asking for money or you to pay things. Decline and block. Don’t let them get close or it will only end in hurt.
– As a no brainer, ALWAYS meet in a public place when having meetings, Don’t meet in shady parts of town and make sure it is a place where there will be a lot of traffic so you aren’t stuck, And in the same line, tell someone what you are doing in case something happens too!

Hopefully this helps!

And how have you met your significant other?
Was it online?
Was it in person?

Let me know in the comments below!


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Valentine’s Day Commercialized?

I think we can all agree that when it comes to holidays just about every single one is commercialized. From Christmas basically starting at the end of August before Halloween has even come and gone. To having diamonds and jewels promoted for holidays around romance too. But why is that? Why is a holiday such as Valentines day commercialized?

For me, growing up we did something for Valentines day in Canada. Whether that be when you are a young child frantically trying to write all the names of your classmates on a card to give on the day. And forgetting the paper so trying to guess them off. Or even telling your parents the day before that they aren’t done and stressing them out as well. Normally there was a little party with some treats and fun games too. Don’t forget finding the best cards that you didn’t think anyone else would have and giving your friends the ones that had the best picture or jokes on them too. Something that felt like ages to complete as a kid but really it may have taken a half an hour or 45 minutes of your time to do.

Fast forward to being an adult, you typically have 3 types of people who think about this particular holiday. You have the first group who goes all out, buys jewellery or gems or chocolate and candy or whatever else there is to buy on the holiday. Secondly you have people who absolutely despise the holiday. They think that is totally commercialized (And I guess they aren’t that wrong with that opinion) and they don’t partake in any of the types of things people do to celebrate it. Then you have a third group who really wings it and will celebrate but not in a bit way or they wont go all out but if someone they are with would like to celebrate or something then they will do that though. There really is no right or wrong way to celebrate any holiday it is just what you choose.

For me, I would like to say that I am a third group. I remember being a kid and my mom always did something special for us for Valentines day. She would give us a valentine in our bags which somehow we never seen her put in. She would normally give us some heart pencils or stickers or erasers and a few extra treats that day too. It was a really nice surprise that I think I will adopt and do once my son and perhaps future kids will look forward to. Heck, My mom even did this when I was in collage and away she would send something by mail with some candy and a card just that she was thinking of me.

As an adult, I still say I am in the third group. Since being with my boyfriend I more or less have gotten things that are a couples gift. If I remember correctly, the first Valentines day we were together I got us some chocolate and some candles and coloring books so we could just sit and chill and color. Nothing super expensive but something that we could do together and just relax. I even got some candy and chocolate too. I may have even gotten bubble bath but the tub in his apartment was so small I could have forgotten! Though I do like to at least get a card. For some reason I am really into cards. For what? I don’t know but they are a great memory and I have many many cards as well too. I think the art of picking out a card for someone and thinking of them as you read the saying or even adding your own means so much more than gifts. Even if I am flat broke I still will try to at least get a small gift or in the very least a card to celebrate it.

Now here is the question, Do I ever go a bit overboard? Sure. But it never is that much due to the fact that I cannot mentally justify why I would go into small debt for a holiday. If that were the case I feel like I would have to do the same for St Patricks day as well too or any of those smaller holidays. I will however if I am able to, I will more likely get decorations for the holiday to keep up for the month or the days surrounding the holidays instead. I do this especially with Easter too where I try to get certain things that can be used year after year. I guess it is my own way of justifying spending money on the holiday if I can grow the collection of decorations to be used every year.

Overall, and this goes with any holiday. Don’t ever make yourself go broke. Valentines day is a day to celebrate the love you have for other people, whether that be your spouse, or your children or even friends. It really is not work going into debt for. No holiday is worth going into debt for. If you have the means to do so, head out to any dollar store or dollar tree if you are American and get some things like my mom used to do for myself and my siblings. Sometimes the smallest of gestures can have such a huge impact on people. And if you are unable to do that, You can always make something from the heart! A piece of paper and a pencil can work wonders in making a card. It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy. Spending more money on things does not equal a better reaction! Remember that!

Is there anything that you can remember for Valentines day that you had happen as a child? Whether in school or something you had happen at home? Do you not celebrate it at all too?

Let me know in the comments below! I am curious to hear how different places celebrate Valentines Day.


10th Anniversary With My Boyfriend!

I can’t believe I am writing this and he hasn’t kick me away yet, Because between you and I, I can be a pretty nasty person if you rub me the wrong way! Before I really get into the story of this which I am sure you guys are going to know that I am dated by how we met and honestly, you would be right. I am slightly old. I am pretty open about that.

My boyfriend and I met on Plenty of Fish. The Original dating site from way back when which I am sure is still live and being used today. He is from Quebec and I am from Nova Scotia. He moved to Halifax due to his job. He was basically only in the city for maybe a month or two when we connected online. He said the thing that had really stuck out for him was in my profile I had something along the lines of “I have a job, I don’t want your money, and I don’t want to give you mine”. This was directly because of my previous relationship and how he basically took all my flipping stuff!

We ended up talking for a bit online, I think we even talked on the phone once as well too. Before we met we never video chatted which was slightly against my rules though because I always like to see a person before meeting up because you know.. Creeps! When we did end up meeting he picked me up at my parents house, Yes, I was still living with them. He needed a winter coat and only was at one of the two bigger malls in the city so I brought him to the other. I feel like it was a good time but pretty laid back. How much can you really learn from a person in a few hours. I was planning on going downtown since I was a “Bar Star” At the time so he got some of his friends and ended up going a well! After that the rest kind of happened.

He wanted to start things a little earlier however I was really nervous because my last relationship I rushed and it went super bad. I wanted to make sure we knew one another first. He was extremely patient with me and waited til we knew one another for a while.

How we became a couple is kind of a funny story. During October, November and December we just hung around, chatted, spent a lot of time together. I was only working part time in my career so this was a lot easier to just stay over night at his place instead of him getting up early or staying up late and bringing me to and from his place (Which he did a lot in the beginning!). We went to movies and dinners and did the bar scene too! Well, in December he went back to Quebec so that he could see his friends and what not. His parents travel south for the winter since Quebec can be very harsh with how cold it can be. He was getting my Christmas present there as I had given him his before hand. In the process he said he was doing brunch with a girl he knew from school. I was pissed. Low key triggered by this. I barely texted him all day. When he did end up talking through text he asked why I was distant and I said it was because I was upset he went to brunch with some other girl, and I asked him how he would feel if I was to go to brunch with another guy? He understood where I was coming from then. And in that moment he asked me if I would be his girlfriend, which obviously I said YES!

After being in an abusive relationship before from when I was 18-20. I didn’t know any other type of love. I didn’t think I could be loved and I didn’t think I even deserved it. My dad asked if I was being treated right which obviously I said I was. Being with my boyfriend was so strange to me. He picked me up at my house. I didn’t have to take the bus to him like I did every time with my ex. He took me out to dinners and paid. And the dinners were not just McDonald’s but actual restaurants too. Same with the movies, he also paid. It felt so weird to have someone take care of me.

Looking back it is crazy to think that a lot of the first 5 years of our relationship he was away due to his job traveling and what not. We had gotten a cat together and a dog soon after I moved in. I got my license so that I could drive to and from his house and not rely on him being able to pick me up. We did the bar scene where we would party and by we I mean i would and he would be the designated driver since he knew cab rides to my house after were about 35-40 dollars which I always went back because I had a friend who would go with me and I wouldn’t leave her hanging. We did the minor traveling back and forth every year to Quebec in the summer so we could see his family as well too. We had a house before moving here and renting this one and soon will have another one again.

And we have a FREAKING SON TOGETHER! Like a tiny human of half me and half him together in this world. If relationships have taught me anything, I need to be more kind and not as rude. I act and react before thinking about saying something a little bit nicer. I know I can be a very challenging individual to love and I would like to say my last relationship was to blame but it really isn’t (At least not all the way) as I was a cranky kid too!

Regardless, I cannot believe that we are here celebrating it and I am looking forward to enjoying an evening together as we normally do, ordering some food in, eating some junk, watching some movies, and picking up some Krispy Kremes as well, since it wouldn’t be an anniversary in Quebec with out it! Here is to another 10 years that will fly by also too!