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240.2lbs.

This may be one of the first ever really pre-written self care updates only due to the fact I missed a week. Crazy right?! I’m not even really beating myself up about it (seriously).

Last week was the first time I was home for overnights with my sons alone and let me tell you how hard it was. Naturally it was challenging because I had my youngest seemingly in his 4 month sleep regression. That was interesting. And my oldest for whatever reason struggled with sleep. And we ran out of coffee so that was hard in itself too! This week I am also alone however instead of my spouse coming back on the Friday he will be back on the Thursday. Which one day big deal but it actually makes a huge deal!

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I also have started Some thing which is why I put my weight at the top of this page. I put my scale away under my sink. I have become way to obsessed with the number that I am really going to try for the month of April to not look at how much I weight. With new weather coming I will be trying to do some more walking with my son’s and I will be really trying to focus on not over eating or eating late at night. I was and still have been weighing myself when I wake up, before I go to bed, and sometimes even in the middle of the day. This is not healthy behaviour. Something needed to stop and this was it. I feel like this could help me a lot to not beating myself up if I have a bad day. So often I will over eat one day and think I am a failure when it is literally one day.

One of my favorite items to use to workout and get the heart pumping is a skipping rope. Pair this with hand weights for a mini workout when you are a bit crunched for time!

I am also going to make a small chart to keep track of things. Nothing major but just a little snap shot of what I would like to do, like didnt over eat, smoked weed, exercised, no food after 7pm, simple. Im also not really counting calories because again, I become obsessed with that and I know that is not healthy for me. I know when I over eat. I don’t need to also obsess with the amount of calories when I know what I am eating.

Keeping busy can be a challenge but I have really taken off in terms of my writing poems has been going. I have finished one collection that I am currently typing up so I can send it to a few people for their opinions. While writing a few poems here and there. I am so excited and so nervous about this because it is something that is totally new for me. Not to mention I am slowly writing poem titles and ideas for for the next set of poetry collections after Im done these. Crazy to be thinking that far ahead but I just dont want to lose the ideas!

One shake that I found to actually fill me up is slim fast shakes, they are a great meal replacement with a sweet kick added too. When I am needed an added bonus for energy I tend to reach for these Nuun energy tablets.

Overall I am feeling pretty good. Id like to do more exercises and seeing the number lower on the scale even if I still am self sabotaging myself. Seeing the number the lowest it has been is huge for me. It makes me realize that if I keep at it I can lose the weight. It just will take some hard work and dedication.

Here is to a new month with new goals.
Weight loss goal: Under 230lbs.