Tag Archives: losing weight

The time is NOW!!!(For Real) -July 2022 Update

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I know this is probably coming out later than expected for the July Update but honestly, it happens! We are getting very excited. My partner has just taken his parental only 3 months compared to the 9 with our first little one however it couldn’t be at a better time. I am so looking forward to the next few months to have a bit more time to “pretend” like I have a job. If you know what I mean by that!

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One thing I am looking forward to is really tackling getting my books finalized. That being said I have covers being created right now, I have one person doing all three since they are so similar due to them being a trilogy. I will explain more about them in the future obviously I would like it to be a surprise once they come out! I am so happy and yet so very nervous. There is such raw feelings and emotions in these books that I feel extremely exposed. Though I know I am not the only one who can relate to these. That is a huge step for me to see everything coming together in that regard.

I know you guys are probably super sick of hearing this but I am here to say it again for the 14th time. I am going to lose weight. I would say out of all my 2022 goals this is probably the hardest one to reach by far. I am really trying but I get so discouraged. I am sure a lot of you can agree reading blogs like this where I dont lose weight is probably hard. But I am totally taking advantage of the fact that my partner has parental and wanting to lose weight and get ahead of this next and final pregnancy when the time comes. And for the obvious reason that I want to be a healthier version of myself. This time I want to make it different. I want to look at myself and bring back habits when I was working and not able to eat the entire night on the couch. I am going to even be posting mini daily vlogs on my tiktok which you can follow here or at the username @StaySeeJ. I think this is a great way for em to be held accountable and to show you guys what it really is like being a picky eater. I know that I cannot be the only one here who eats this way and I want to show you all that life isn’t just about salads and you can do anything you want to do. This is why I mentioned here about this a little bit on the weekly blogs that for the summer every other week I will have a blog that is pre-written (as you know I do most of the times anyways) I really want to hammer down and show you guys that obviously my food habits are an issue but I can still lose weight or be better at not using toxic behaviors like binge eating nightly I can still have balance.

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As you know I will never limit myself when it comes to snacks and things however I will do things a bit differently in terms of eating. I dont count macros or micros or whatever ohs I always just counted calories. I am trying to think of healthier alternatives though like these reese bars . I also have a can of slim fast chocolate that I hope to put to good use. As I have said before the hardest part for me is when I at at night watching TV like I need to eat food. One big thing I did the other day was that I brushed my teeth early on. I was literally thinking why am I getting these chips. What is the reason? and the only thing I could think of was boredom so I got up brush my teeth and never ate anything else for the rest of the night. That’s progress to me.

Another thing I am so excited about is to be live more also too! Since May I have been doing fantastic in terms of streaming. I have been pretty good at keeping my schedule going. I have had some days off and I have had some shorter streams but knock on wood I have been doing great while trying to be regularly live again. Going live is something I enjoy doing and getting back into it and feeling as great as I do since before I had kids. I feel like I am finally putting it on the forefront again (Obviously with 2 kids I have a good enough reason to not be regular but as a parent we sometimes put ourselves last all of the time when we need to remember we also are important) Check out this blog here if you want to see how I put myself first in more depth. I also am excited to finally have a great background using these lights for my stream area. The two strings that I used fairy lights for one and the second set were round bulbs however not warm white like here the multi color version . The entire side and stream looks fantastic. I may even be preparing for a revamp/re brand here in the near future! Even with a mascot too! I will be streaming now 5 days a week temporarily by just adding Tuesday and Thursdays which I am very excited to be live then. I will be live in the day time and keeping the other 3 days (Monday/Friday evenings and Sunday Mornings) And streaming from about 12 noon Atlantic time (11am EST) and going till about 4pm Atlantic Time (3pm EST). It will be a great time and I am so looking forward to it!

I forgot! Kind of?- Self Care Thursday – June 30th 2022

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I actually forgot to write last week! ( and the week before that lol) What is funny is that I actually thought about it more than once how I was even looking forward to the update due to the fact I had so much stuff happening with my dog that it would have felt great to get it off my chest. I didn’t write it. But I guess this week is the update. Not so much fitness but a bit of mental health AND some goals for the summer also too!

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Last week (Well more like 3 weeks now) I had to take my dog to the vet. Mind you he was feeling off and not behaving normally. I dropped him off later (1100$+) to find out that it may be his teeth but also he had a weird part on his chest xray. Fast forward to now and he was trying to get his food but not eating the hard stuff. I tried putting water in to soften it up and he did in fact eat it so Im wondering if maybe it was his teeth after all. They do have tarter he is not a young dog, but it seems go be well I guess for now anyways. I will say that I used these pill pocket treats from the vet and they have been a huge life safer. They are basically a gummy playdoh type treat you push the pills in and hope for the beat. Last time I had to give him pills he caught on with the peanut butter pretty fast and was not feeling taking them so this you literally pop it into his mouth and its done.

So fast forward to now. Everything seems to be going alright. I have recently taking out some money, well waiting for it to get into my account anyways. So I can get my book covers done. Id like the same artist to do all three however that will be challenging financially since it will cost a few hundred dollars. We also are getting home stuff done and need a few bigger items like a new car seat for my youngest as he is way too big for his bucket seat and also getting a second seat for the double stroller. In the summer when my partner is off on parental I’m hoping that we can walk every morning. That is my goal anyways and I hope he is also on bored with it too! I am getting excited to finally release these books and mentally am preparing myself for the fact that the books wont be immediate successes. I need to keep going with that.

I also am struggling (surprise) with weight loss. As usual. I am eating my feelings and my thoughts are not safe in the way that I feel like not eating the next day after a binge. I never binge enough to throw up but I binge enough to feel like complete dog poop. One goal I have said while my spouse is on parental is that I want to be able to go for walks. Recently I have purchased a little board that can go on our stroller for my oldest son. This will help with walks tremendously though. I am so looking forward to doing daily ones because I think it will be a huge thing for me to get energized and I hope we can go right after breakfast so that we get it done and over with. He also wants to get back into a bit better shape so that when he gets back to a regular routine for his job he will be able to not be winded.


As far as writing goes though, I think for the summer I will be writing these updates bi-weekly. He is on parental and I really dont want the pressure of writing these every single week though. I do have blogs to release though on Thursdays a bit more in depth about my life. I know by how I read some of you are maybe questioning things that I eat when I say I am a picky eater etc. This will be a great way for me to keep these active however not majorly thinking about it. I plan on being live more too so if you want to physically be able to talk and chat you are more than welcome to check out the stream here.

I’m doing a weight loss challenge – Self Care Thursday – April 14th 2022

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I know, I did this late so if you are reading this after the Thursday it is supposed to be posted and PRETEND that I am on time. I swear we will be on time next week! I just have been majorly slacking and wallowing in self pity for whatever reason so I have been behind!

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I have decided to do a weight loss challenge. Through some folks on Facebook there had been a group of a 12 week weight loss challenge. The cost is 25$ and you weigh in on the Monday it starts and whenever you want towards the end. I am not entirely sure if it will go winner take all or not but I feel like for 25$ it still is cheaper than a gym membership or personal trainer that I hope it gives me the motivation that I need. I am so excited to start this and I really hope that I can get some pounds gone and maybe even winning something along the way as it goes too.

*** If you would like to support this blog financially you are more than welcome to do so by clicking this link here to bring you to my Ko-Fi website. Supporting the blog via tips is NEVER pressured however if you feel so inclined to help out in another way this is a perfect way to do so! You can see some behind the scenes items as well as insider info on the store updates and uncensored blogs also coming soon!

That being said I have started to go back to how I lost weight before. If you know from previous blogs I have lost weight before, mind you this was a long time ago and also before I was ever pregnant but I still lost weight. I have created a new calorie counting book. I am hoping to really deck it out at night to avoid munching and snacking at night. I want this to be more of a journal than a diary or log book. I also may not even be writing the calories of things but just documenting with what I eat in the run of a day. I also am debating if I want to do some sort of fasting like maybe 12pm noon until 7pm max however I am still undecided. I also am going to be doing different things and workout videos and things again too.

I feel like this could be a huge opportunity for me to be with other people who want to also lose weight. One thing I want to do as this journey goes and hopefully the weight also goes is by going through my clothes. That is something that I need to face reality. I do not need the amount of clothes that I have. Number one, some of them may never fit me anymore due to having 2 kids and my body changing. I need to come to that realization and just start weeding out clothes. I barely flip through clothes not let alone the ones that I used to wear to the bars. I need to start de-cluttering my life and clothes is huge. I know there are some underwear that will never fit me again based on my hips being incredibly different now.

One of my favorite items to use to workout and get the heart pumping is a skipping rope. Pair this with hand weights for a mini workout when you are a bit crunched for time!

Photo by Breakingpic on Pexels.com

Starting this Monday I will take some before photos and re-post measurements. If you have been someone following this journey you will know that the weight I Have and measurements are probably not that much different than when I first started writing this in January. However I am excited to see where it takes me. I may even write some sort of a guide for the Thursday blogs so that I can talk about the same things every week and make things that much easier. Here is to 12 weeks and getting some what of a summer body back before my spouse has parental and we explore the province with our sons!

One shake that I found to actually fill me up is slim fast shakes, they are a great meal replacement with a sweet kick added too. When I am needed an added bonus for energy I tend to reach for these Nuun energy tablets.

I skipped a week – Self Care Thursday – March 31st, 2022

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240.2lbs.

This may be one of the first ever really pre-written self care updates only due to the fact I missed a week. Crazy right?! I’m not even really beating myself up about it (seriously).

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Last week was the first time I was home for overnights with my sons alone and let me tell you how hard it was. Naturally it was challenging because I had my youngest seemingly in his 4 month sleep regression. That was interesting. And my oldest for whatever reason struggled with sleep. And we ran out of coffee so that was hard in itself too! This week I am also alone however instead of my spouse coming back on the Friday he will be back on the Thursday. Which one day big deal but it actually makes a huge deal!

*** If you would like to support this blog financially you are more than welcome to do so by clicking this link here to bring you to my Ko-Fi website. Supporting the blog via tips is NEVER pressured however if you feel so inclined to help out in another way this is a perfect way to do so! You can see some behind the scenes items as well as insider info on the store updates and uncensored blogs also coming soon!

I also have started Some thing which is why I put my weight at the top of this page. I put my scale away under my sink. I have become way to obsessed with the number that I am really going to try for the month of April to not look at how much I weight. With new weather coming I will be trying to do some more walking with my son’s and I will be really trying to focus on not over eating or eating late at night. I was and still have been weighing myself when I wake up, before I go to bed, and sometimes even in the middle of the day. This is not healthy behaviour. Something needed to stop and this was it. I feel like this could help me a lot to not beating myself up if I have a bad day. So often I will over eat one day and think I am a failure when it is literally one day.

One of my favorite items to use to workout and get the heart pumping is a skipping rope. Pair this with hand weights for a mini workout when you are a bit crunched for time!

I am also going to make a small chart to keep track of things. Nothing major but just a little snap shot of what I would like to do, like didnt over eat, smoked weed, exercised, no food after 7pm, simple. Im also not really counting calories because again, I become obsessed with that and I know that is not healthy for me. I know when I over eat. I don’t need to also obsess with the amount of calories when I know what I am eating.

Keeping busy can be a challenge but I have really taken off in terms of my writing poems has been going. I have finished one collection that I am currently typing up so I can send it to a few people for their opinions. While writing a few poems here and there. I am so excited and so nervous about this because it is something that is totally new for me. Not to mention I am slowly writing poem titles and ideas for for the next set of poetry collections after Im done these. Crazy to be thinking that far ahead but I just dont want to lose the ideas!

One shake that I found to actually fill me up is slim fast shakes, they are a great meal replacement with a sweet kick added too. When I am needed an added bonus for energy I tend to reach for these Nuun energy tablets.

Overall I am feeling pretty good. Id like to do more exercises and seeing the number lower on the scale even if I still am self sabotaging myself. Seeing the number the lowest it has been is huge for me. It makes me realize that if I keep at it I can lose the weight. It just will take some hard work and dedication.

Here is to a new month with new goals.
Weight loss goal: Under 230lbs.

When Will I Learn – Self Care Thursday – March 17th 2022

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I swear Ill never learn.  This weekend started with such high hopes and it became diminished by weed and poor judgement.

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I was seeing the lowest numbers on the scale and one weekend was all it took to totally go backwards. I think I will be okay this weekend and by the time this releases I may be back under 240 pounds again. Though the lowest I seen in recent days has been 237lbs which I totally thought let’s eat everything possible because I did a good job. As much as I want to say that the numbers are not a huge motivator they are. I also need to stop rewarding myself with food. For some dumb reason I think I can food should be the motivator when I need to do other things.

One of the hardest parts of this is creating new habits and trying to say goodbye to the old ones. I ate far too much on the weekend which rolled over to Monday. You would think with the sore stomach, and a backup system I have I would learn. For those few days that I over ate I am now paying for it after I get back on track. That is wildly insane to me.  And what is worse is that I obviously still haven’t learned yet to cut that out. Maybe this week will be better and I wont totally screw myself over.

*** If you would like to support this blog financially you are more than welcome to do so by clicking this link here to bring you to my Ko-Fi website. Supporting the blog via tips is NEVER pressured however if you feel so inclined to help out in another way this is a perfect way to do so! You can see some behind the scenes items as well as insider info on the store updates and uncensored blogs also coming soon!

Working out has been decent. I have slacked in the past week in terms of actually doing it due to the fact I’m pretty I hurt my hip from bring my youngest to bed for an hour which I never want to do ever but some mornings it just is far too early! And then my shoulder was extremely wonky after and that was weird. I have been doing these walk at home videos with Leslie Sansone. They have been going well. I love how easy going they are and accessible too since I watch them on YouTube. Sometimes it is challenging due to the fact one or both kids may be fussy and not napping but I am really pleased overall with how I have been doing those videos pretty regularly.

One of my favorite items to use to workout and get the heart pumping is a skipping rope. Pair this with hand weights for a mini workout when you are a bit crunched for time!

Now fast forward to the last 2 weeks in March. I am kind of looking forward to it but also not. My spouse is away next week from Monday to Friday and the following week from Monday to Thursday. Typically if he is gone like that I barely if at all smoke weed. Which I indent to keep up! It could really effect my binging on food if I’m not smoking weed. I intent to use that time to really hammer down on habits and even blog writing. As well as poetry. I am nearly 2/3rd of the way finished my 3 books.  Once I am done it will be time to organize my poems and prep them for typing as well as edit them roughly on paper. I am so dedicated to making this work it is a little bit insane! But I am so looking forward to it though. I want to really again get a jump on blogs due to the fact my partner is going on parental also for May ,June and July. For those 3 months I will be streaming a bit more often than I normally would. Keeping the same Mon and Fri days but also introducing a Tuesday and Thursday day time stream in the afternoon just for something to do also.

One shake that I found to actually fill me up is slim fast shakes, they are a great meal replacement with a sweet kick added too. When I am needed an added bonus for energy I tend to reach for these Nuun energy tablets.

Overall I think I can be close to my 230lb weight loss goal. We are just over half way through the month and the numbers that I have seen on the scale are re-assuring for sure. I just need to stop feeding my victories with treats and instead maybe reflect and drink some water!!

I feel alright! – Self Care Thursday – March 10th/2022

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I am actually trying to get ahead if the weekly check in this week. Who am I?

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I would say this week has been okay. I have snacked a bit but that is alright. As I have mentioned before I am not trying ti limit my snacking. Unless I am high if course! I am nearly trying to watch portions as well as the times that I snack. I still find myself snacking at night which is something I need to work on though. I need to really focus on doing something productive at night. Maybe write some more poems or maybe write in some blogs. Even crafting would be better however I am waiting on my ceiling lamp though in order to get that going. Crafting in the dark has not been great and I don’t want to get myself a headache basically. I already wear glasses and trying to get sewing happening will be a lot!

**If you like what you are reading through out these blogs, and are looking at ways to financially support the blog, please consider checking out my Ko-Fi link here. You will NEVER be pressured to contribute to towards put any type of money towards the blog however if the thought has crossed your mind, here is a great way to help a stay at home mom provide some financial relief for her family.

Working out has been going okay. I have been absolutely loving these Walk it off workout DvDs that I watch on YouTube.  They are with Leslie Sansone. They are super easy. Require no weights. And I can do them right in my house. Obviously as weather does warm up I will be doing actual walks outside however right now I am loving these. And they are easy to follow along which makes it also nice. I will probably continue to do these til I am either bored of them or find myself in a plateau. I really enjoy the moves not being incredibly hard. Right now I find myself struggling on weekends which I need to just do it. I get lazy and slack but I need to stop making excuses. I have been trying to do a solid 45 minutes which some days has it’s challenges when both kids are supposed to be napping and my youngest is above that apparently.

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Weed has been alright also. As much as I love my midday roach I have only been having a puff in the daytime on weekends and that has been helping tremendously. A big problem with me smoking in the day is that I munch in the afternoon AND in the night. That needed to stop. That ended up me munching the entire day and well, I just cant do that. Smoking at night only would be perfect if I can just stop the munching all together.

Weight has been slowly coming off also. I have seen under 240lbs more in the last week than I have in a few years. I hate that I focus so much on a number but I really cant help it. It is one of the only ways that I can physically see how I am doing on the scale. Seeing the number go down is such a great feeling however I need to constantly remind myself to stop letting myself feel comfortable when it happens. A big issue for me and the scale is as soon as I see it go down I feel like I need to reward myself with food and that is so beyond true that the reminders even then are tricky to remember. I do not need a treat or snack because the number is going down. I need to remember that I am doing a great job and food should not be a reinforcement of that.

Mentally I feel pretty good. I have been really focusing on planning things for my poetry collections. Trying to do graphics and things that will help promote myself as a poet and the free ebook also to grow my subscriber lists. Right now I have 17 people which is pretty huge. I need to keep going and promoting that also too. I would like to email my old contacts from an MLM company that I used to work for. That would be huge in itself if I was to do that. And if people subscribe they subscribe if they don’t no worries! Focusing my energy on different things instead has been helping. I have a new project for my mantel also too. Will it turn out? Who knows! Now for the real test. I got grocery’s yesterday and I need to figure out how not to eat all the junk at once !

A New Approach – Self Care Thursday 6 – February 10th

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I’m trying a different approach this week. I have been writing and reflecting a little by little as if I am writing in a journal or in a diary. Hopefully it helps to be more aware in the moment then just an overview at the end of the week.

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Thurs, Feb 3rd 2022
330am.. And Im feeling like a sad sack of garbage. I really ate 2 cans of Pillsbury croissant dough. One made into cheese croissants and another made with cinnamon and sugar like cinnamon buns. And now I am downing water after just feeding my son. Today there will be no weed smoking. I can do this. 10lbs to lose by the end of the month is totally achievable.

Iced coffee.. Kraft dinner 3/4 box.. Bowl chips.. Hershey’s eggs..

Friday, Feb 4th 2022
245.0lb
Soooo we lost power. There was a big ice storm thing and so there was no power. Good news is no motivation to munch especially if something was in the fridge due to the fact that we needed to conserve the cold in there. We went to my parents for supper since it was warm. Overall Id say not a horrible munching day but only due to the fact we were not home as much and also due to the fact that no power to see them!
Kraft dinner, iced coffee, chips, garlic fingers.

*** If you would like to support this blog financially you are more than welcome to do so by clicking this link here to bring you to my Ko-Fi website. Supporting the blog via tips is NEVER pressured however if you feel so inclined to help out in another way this is a perfect way to do so! You can see some behind the scenes items as well as insider info on the store updates and uncensored blogs also coming soon!

Saturday, Feb 5th 2022
So last night was FREEZING. We wake up and the whole house is chilly. At about 7 or just after we bring the boys back to my parents house the temperature for the weekend is actually freezing. We end up staying there because our power is still not back. This is after 24h. It just is far far too cold to be able to spend the night in the house.

Sun, Feb 6th 2022
I love my parents dont get me wrong but I am itching to go back to my own home. I would like my own bed and my boys to have their own beds also. We FINALLY get power back nearly 48h after the outage. My spouse goes to the house to double check things. The power is on nut the heat does not work. We dont realize this til we are back with our boys. We call a furnace repair guy in case that is the issue and it wasn’t. After being only 4c I bitterly decide we need to fo back to my parents as it is far too cold for the boys.

Photo by Total Shape on Pexels.com

Mon, Feb 7th 2022
Im feeling like a bag of dirt. I had a shower last night at my parents but toally feel defeated. I just would like my own bed back honestly. As far as weight loss goes though I am feeling pretty good considering I havenr smoked weed since Friday and even then it was just a roach too. Which means no real munching.

Tues, Feb 8th 2022
241.8lbs
So we slept in the house tonight! There was no heat and we had a pipe leak/burst in the basement for a rad we had 0 idea where it was at. Honestly I swear there are some things that happen with the house that we really have no idea about and it always surprises us. At this point we shouldn’t be surprised at anything honestly. We should just let things happen. We have a plumber coming do the repairs and then heat will finally be back. Mentally sleeping in my own bed last night majorly helped that is for sure. From sleeping on the couch for 2 days it was exhausting even if I didn’t sleep incredibly bad it still sucked. Also thankful for the weather being positive degrees all week so that is a major help also too.

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Wed, Feb 9th, 2022
241.8lbs
So I for sure snacked out a bit and honestly I am totally okay with that. Aftwr the week and weekend past I feel like it was not totally obsessive however for sure needed. The past few days have been insane in terms of low key stress and adjusting that I am very happy all of our power is back and it was not major signifigant damage that had happened. I also feel like after today really taking genuine days off of smoking weed to help curb munchies till I have it completely under control. I also had a bath for the first time in a very long time. As much ad I love hot steamy showers I often forget how nice a bath really feels and how it effects my mood. I need to take this bit of self care more often.

One of my favorite items to use to workout and get the heart pumping is a skipping rope. Pair this with hand weights for a mini workout when you are a bit crunched for time!

Overall I think despite the circumstances of the storm and losing power that I did pretty good. Staying at my parents is never easy because as appreciative as we are it just isn’t our home. We had to adjust and sleep in different situations. Needless to say my sons were very thankful to be back home and in their own beds after this was all said and done.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I am also so looking forward to warm weather to be able to go on walks daily with my boys also. It will be a lot of fun to be able to explore and get some exercise in as well. This was something that we did a lot when we were living in Quebec and I would really like to do the same once we are able to here.

As you can see too. Some days I did keep track of my food intake sometimes I did not. I am really liking this style to be able to give a snap shot of each day. I hope it is easy for you to read also. I find doing it this way makes me really aware of what or how I did that day because I have to reflect in the moment instead of once a week in case I forget something or miss an important event.

One shake that I found to actually fill me up is slim fast shakes, they are a great meal replacement with a sweet kick added too. When I am needed an added bonus for energy I tend to reach for these Nuun energy tablets.

And it doesnt not help that I am also lowest on the scale since starting so far!!
Start weight: 248.8lb (down 7lb since Jan 4th)
Current Weight: 241.8lb

Back to Basics – Self Care Thursday 5 – February 3rd

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I feel like every single week I write this will be the week I am held accountable for. Its not. I stand by my goal to lose 10lbs or be under 235lbs by the end of the month.

I was going to attempt a dry Feb or mostly dry but that just is not going to happen. I will try to cut back but honestly I just don’t know if I can do a dry one. I just need to control my munching.

Photo by Andres Ayrton on Pexels.com

That being said I am really going to push myself to get a major start on writing in different places. Poetry is my next venture. I have an idea for a few books. I also have schedule different poems to be done on so many days. Certain days have a 5 poem day where I write 5 in that day. However if I do more over more days that is also great too. At the end of the month I should have at least 50 written however with the added scheduled (roughly!) I should have 80. Ideally I would love to see myself be pushed to have over 150 poems done. That would be huge in my quest to write and have some books done. Since it is poetry after I have written all of mind I will be  buying a fee poetry books to see the flow. Mentally I feel like this is a great and achievable goal because stories can take a bit more time and physically sitting down and writing. These I can do sitting on the couch in between moments of chaos with my sons.

*** If you would like to support this blog financially you are more than welcome to do so by clicking this link here to bring you to my Ko-Fi website. Supporting the blog via tips is NEVER pressured however if you feel so inclined to help out in another way this is a perfect way to do so! You can see some behind the scenes items as well as insider info on the store updates and uncensored blogs also coming soon!

Starting today I am also writing down all of my calories/food per day. I need to. What bothers me the most is that I have lost weight before. Many moons ago but still none the less. I need to focus on that. I also want to do my own exercises and stuff. Maybe a workout DVD maybe just ones I think of. Regardless I also need to keep track of that. I feel like I need to also stop making excuses but that is obviously a me problem. I get so discouraged when I slip up that it hurts my progress in the long run and I know that all too well.

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I have also decided to start to write these out in more real time like a journal or diary entry. That way I am able to really demonstrate in real time for you guys how things are doing and my feelings a bit more detailed. Sometimes looking back on the week if I had a good day or two before I write this can be really cloudy for you, the reader, about how my weight loss and mental health journey have been going. I want you to see and feel that you are not alone if you too are struggling with something like this in any aspect of your life too.

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I would say this past week has been nice I feel like a lot if us felt like January was a very long month. And while it was and some exciting moments I still need to focus in this. I can do it. I need to stop slacking and focus on what is important. I also am excited for nicer weather so we can go on Family walks too. I may even be planning walks with my boys. Since we have the double stroller. Maybe go on adventures and find different walking trails and things that are around to go to. I feel like maybe the cold weather is a bit low key depressing but there is nothing I can do about that. I love snow and I love winter but sometimes the cold is a bit too much!

Weight: 247.6 (Lost 1.2lb)
Start weight: 248.8lb (Jan 4th)
Measurements: (will re-do after 15lb lost)

Drastic Times – Self Care Thursday 4 – January 27th

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I still am totally failing at this whole weight loss journey and I have no one to blame but myself here! And that is okay. I can do this even if the beginning looks tough. Here is my week that I am very thankful to be behind me.

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First, No more smoking weed unless it is on Saturday or Sunday. That is all. Obviously I cannot control myself and when I smoke and it spills into the week it causes so much damage. Not just because of my lungs (Which I am indifferent about I know.. ) but because I over eat. When I over eat junk and garbage I end up now losing sleep. Why you ask, because I have heartburn and a weird stomach and what not from disgusting that garbage. You my be thinking it cant be that bad. You are wrong! I can eat chips bowl after bowl, i can eat chocolate bar after bar, ice cream, soda, and whatever else I see in the house. I need to develop healthy habits again and plan out things. I also need to set a rule for myself that I not have any food after 7pm. I am such a night muncher that I am hoping that by focusing on my new endeavor for books that I feel like that will be a help for me to avoid over smoking as well as over eating.

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I have also decided to STOP counting calories. I am 32 years old and have counted calories for the past 12 years. I have always thought it helped me in terms of trying to lose weight. I could see how much I over eat by etc. That ends now. I will be loosely and I say that with confidence, keeping track of what I eat in terms of food. I know the calories in what I am eating and by counting them daily when I know I am way over is doing absolutely nothing to my mental health. If I over eat I know that I over eat. Instead I will be weighing myself daily first thing in the morning. I know this can also become an obsessive category BUT I do need some sort of reminder that I am on the right track. This is the new reminder.

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Overall I would say that I am feeling hopeful about this. I know you probably are tired of reading it every single week because I am always writing this however I feel good about it. Workouts are kind of on the back burner right now. But I am looking very forward to warmer weather so I can take my boys on daily walks around the neighborhood though., I will make this a goal for myself daily and if my boyfriend wants to go we can also do that like we used to in our previous home too.

One of my favorite items to use to workout and get the heart pumping is a skipping rope. Pair this with hand weights for a mini workout when you are a bit crunched for time!

One of my biggest problems is that I am always pushing too much to fast on myself. Losing weight is something I have struggled with my entire life. It will not change drastically over night nor will it be healthy. I have lost weight before though and went right back to gaining some because I totally forgot I need to monitor portions and I need to work out and I need to not reset to old habits.

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Not that I want to put blame but maybe this whole Covid stuff also has been getting to me also. Living in basically the hot spot in Canada for a long time and having so little interactions, to now living at home and still with a rise in cases having trouble too. It really is hard for me to not put blame and I need to channel the sadness I sometimes feel and turn it into something that is productive, like losing weight!

One shake that I found to actually fill me up is slim fast shakes, they are a great meal replacement with a sweet kick added too. When I am needed an added bonus for energy I tend to reach for these Nuun energy tablets.


Here is hoping to reaching my 10lb goal of losing weight for February! I can do this.

I self sabotaged myself to fail – Self Care Thursday 2 – January 13th/2022

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As I write this I am going to begin with this.
I set myself to fail the 1st week of my diet every, single, year!

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And here is why.

My birthday is January 8th. As you can tell if you are familiar with the blog due to the fact I posted this past weekend my 32nd birthday reflection. Every single year I always say I will go hard and really be mindful of what I eat even though I know as a fact that eventually I will be eating junk food and candy or sweets a day or two (or three) around my birthday. And, as much as I do not want it to effect me it completely is. Even though it happens every single year.

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Realistically I should be starting weight loss plans for after the 8th due to the fact I know I will have Cake and treats and basically lose nothing or gain a few lbs in the process. So now that it is behind me let’s get this going.

One shake that I found to actually fill me up is slim fast shakes, they are a great meal replacement with a sweet kick added too. When I am needed an added bonus for energy I tend to reach for these Nuun energy tablets.

Exercise is slowly going. I decided to pause the daily elliptical workout and start with some workout dvd’s. I think this is a better way to start with some exercise instead of going downstairs to workout. Plus, dvd’s are easier to put in upstairs while my oldest has his nap time/quiet time. They are only 30 minutes or so which is slightly less than the typical 40 minutes however Id like to start with the elliptical randomly though. And since this week is the week my boyfriend in fact goes back to work I thought this would be a good way to start somewhere. My goal is to do the workout between 4-5 days per week. Right now I am doing my Zumba dvd but I do have a few others that I can switch to when I get tired of it. I had worked out with it on Monday and Yesterday (Wednesday).

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Weed. I know and you know that a major component of my own self sabotage is I can do really well all day on not over eating only to over eat at night. Case in point is the last 2 night’s I majorly over ate after 7pm because I got high. So I am making myself a promise. No more weed until I am under 235lbs. However long it takes. After that I will not be smoking til I lose another 10lbs so 225lbs. Hopefully by that time I will be able to control my snacking better and can introduce more puffing when that happens. I am my own worst enemy. We shall see if I break it tonight on the first night I planned this..

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Overall mentally I am okay. My only problem is I obviously am being a bit harsh on myself because of my over eating. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to losing weight. But It is some thing I need to work through. My relationship with food is completely unhealthy not even talking about my extremely picky food habits either. I tell myself that the day is done which is true but I know myself as I write this after a night of binge eating which I blame on weed (I am sure many other factors are also there) and I will be thinking about it all day.

One of my favorite items to use to workout and get the heart pumping is a skipping rope. Pair this with hand weights for a mini workout when you are a bit crunched for time!

As far as keeping track in my agenda that has mot been going well. I need to also tell myself at the end of every day I need to write down what I am eating. Even if it is not exact in calories I need to write what I am eating even if only by names.  I think that would be a great idea.

And here to finish is my weight this AM: 247.0 (Down 1.4lbs or so)