Category Archives: Parenting

Stop Saying NO to Your Kids

I know, sounds simple right? But what about when they do something you don’t want them too? I am just as guilty of saying no to my kids just like any other person. But I know saying it repeatedly will cause problems as they get older. Let’s talk about all the ways to not say No to your kids, oh yeah, and I wont take no for an answer!

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One of the major reasons why you should not be saying no to your kids is because they are parrots. As you know, when they start to learn and grow they will begin to repeat everything and anything. Currently my oldest is repeating things like “Oh shoot” or “Oh No”. And that only keeps growing and growing and growing. There are times he will repeat something that I have said and it surprises me to no end because I did not expect to hear it AT ALL! If you are a parent, or even care giver or family member or friend, and you always just say “No” to your child, pretty soon they will start saying it to you! Pick up your cup please. NO. Come over here. NO. You get my point. I wont leave you hanging though. These are some of the things and examples that I say to my now 2 year old but have been saying for a while! Is there situations where I do flat out say No? Yes. Mainly when I have tried every other way and he continues to do something that is maybe unsafe or he should not be doing like picking at the cat or the dog or annoying his little brother who is trying to sleep!

“We need to be safe okay, be careful”. This is something I say when my son is adventurous. Since he has been growing in height he has been more and more interested in looking out the front window. By doing this he stands on the rad and peeks out. Now has he slipped and fell? A little. But if I kept saying no he would want to do it more. And would do it carelessly without being safe. If he is exploring I dont want to stop him but also want him to be cautious! I also will say something along the lines of “I dont want to see you get hurt, Okay?” that way he knows that I am saying this because I do not want to see him be hurt by accidentally slipping. Hes a child, he isnt making himself get hurt for a reason, but just like in life, accidents DO happen!

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Redirection IS YOUR FRIEND. This is another key way for me to get my son to stop doing something he is, that I dont want him to do. Maybe he is throwing the toys around which obviously is never encouraged. But it was pretty easy to see whenever he was told to stop and no to throwing he did it even more! Redirection doesn’t always work and sometimes you may need to change it up. If my son is having a meltdown one of the first things that we do is we try to ignore the behavior. After this goes on for so long we then try to redirect him. Maybe he is into his light up cars and ask him to bring them. Maybe we ask him to help us pick up a few toys. Something to redirect his attention. Does this work every time? No. But it can be a good fix instead of waiting and seeing what happens. There are some moments that the best thing to do is just wait and see though. And there will even be some moments that just breathing or talking to him will make him even more mad for whatever reason. We just roll with the punches.

And finally. Yes. There are moments when I do say no to my kids. Is it all the time? No. But when I do say No finally I like to think that it is when there has been multiple times that I try redirection or be careful or safe and when I say No it is normally the end of the line and the end of being all nice. If I end up saying No it means I am serious and that whatever behavior needs to stop. Whether it is throwing toys or a tantrum. I say this and if it makes him cry or have a tantrum more, I ignore the behavior. I let it run the course and typically after there is no more engaging the behavior stops.

I think regardless of method, Or how you choose to stop saying No to your kids, there is so many solutions. Something I also say is Enough. This is one of the last things I always say and my son knows when I get to this point I am serious and the behavior stops now. Sometimes I even pick him up and put him on the couch where he will scream for another few moments because I removed him from the situation (Think, picking at books and ripping the pages) and he understands that this is the end of the line I have reached the point where we are not trying to play games at this moment. Because after all, most kids think when you tell them no it is some sort of game they need to keep defying you about!

You will find your own way of doing things, even if it takes a bit to get used to or to do it regularly!

Circumcision Should Be Banned

We are on fire with these hot topics lately right? Well buckle up because this is something that I couldn’t agree with more strongly either but here we are. If this blog post makes you uncomfortable, to be blunt, it should. Nothing about this should be comfortable. This is a subject that I think shouldn’t even be a practice, however it is still being done even in Nova Scotia let alone I am sure better parts of the world.

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Circumcision of little boys should be banned across the globe because unless it is performed due to a medical reason, it is genital mutilation for a boy. Plain and simple. I dont care what the reason is unless it is medically suggested for a child to be circumcised so that they are able to lead a normal lifestyle for whatever reason it should never be done. This also includes the ever popular religious reasons as well as the “cleanliness” one also.

*** If you are someone who is really enjoying the blogs and has the financial freedom to want to support this through tips, you are more than welcome to do so by clicking on this link to bring you to my personal Ko-Fi page. Never will you ever be pressured to support in this way however the option is there if you wish to do so! Your continued support regardless of financial or not is greatly appreciated.

There are many reasons (not legitimate) that parents choose this for their little boy. One of those reasons being religion. Now, I know what you are thinking, “But Stacey, is that not a legitimate reason”. My short answer is No. Using religion in 2022 to base a reason to permanently mutilate your child’s penis is not a reason to do it. Again, if medically necessary sure. This is something I believe to be the only acceptable reason to have the procedure completed. Religion is fine for folks, I understand that people need it in their lives, what I dont think is it needs to be used as a reason to cut the excess skin from a babies penis so that it is permanently removed. This includes all religions also, not just specific ones. If a religion has something where they can do this regardless of which, it should not be allowed.

Another reason that you see often is cosmetic. They want it done because it “looks” better. Does it though? Does it really? This is such a poor, sad, excuse. Did you know that there are so many tiny nerve endings in a foreskin. When it is removed those endings are also removed, they are not moved or replaced they are gone. Thus a little boy loses sensation to some extent on how it feels when they are pleasured in that area. Is this something that should be allowed in today’s day and age? And before someone says “But they can have a surgery to try and replace it as adults blah blah blah”. Sure they do have one, but it will never replace the original skin that was there.

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Another reason is people are lead to believe that removing it makes a penis cleaner. I can say will full confidence, my two son’s are not circumcised because I obviously am against permanently mutilating my son’s for the rest of their lives. If they choose as adults to want to get it done sure, they can do what they please, but for me as a mother I will not be making that decision unless it was medically suggested to me by a medical professional. I also can say with full confidence that there is no extra added measures that I have ever had to do to keep my son’s penis cleaned. There is no added work to be done, books to read, or help hotlines to call (Maybe the last isn’t really a thing but you get it). Using this reason is a pathetic excuse to do a barbaric and outdated practice for your little one.

Another thing I have seen online and I am looking at you spouses, “I let my husband/spouse make the decision because he has the penis and I dont” WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?? You both have this child and your opinion is just as important as your partner’s regardless of who has the body parts or not. Don’t ever think that you dont have a reason to have a say in this because you both made this baby and you both have the right to make a decision that is life changing even if choosing to go forward with it is wrong in my opinion.

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I think it also speaks volumes to the double standard. When little girls in some cultures would have their labia or whatever have you down there trimmed for cosmetic reasons, it was banned in Canada (not sure of the status in the world) and is considered a criminal offense. Again unless medically suggested it is mutilating a baby for no reason what so ever. So why is it that unless medically needed is it not criminal to get a boy circumcised? So often you see this going the other way but why is the same type of procedure accepted in one and not the other?

Another point to be known, in Nova Scotia (I live here!) it can be extremely hard to even find a doctor who is willing to do this surgery. You can have it done at the IWK children’s hospital if it is deemed medically necessary, however going to outside doctors for this can be hard. Not to mention there is a specific time frame that you must have it done before it has to be done at a later age. If this was still as common like it was in the 90’s why is it so hard to actually find a doctor that is willing to perform this procedure?

And lastly, there was a post about it in one of the mommy groups I am in (Another toxic blog coming up about that in the future, look out for that!) someone had stated that they wanted to have their child done because their husband/baby daddy had his done. The perfect response came from another man and it said this “Basically you want to mutilate your son’s genitals without his consent because your spouse had his genitals mutilated without his consent”. I dont think that could have been a more perfect answer to the blunt reason’s why people choose to do this to their little fellas.

How to Deal with Mom Guilt

This is something that I am sure happens to both men and women who are parents however I can only speak for the moms out there. I welcome any men who may stumble upon this to write in the comments if they too feel this “Parenting Guilt”. I assume there must be this to some extent however I have no idea what that extent may be though! After all, as parents one of the most challenging things we can do is feel guilty for something or another even if the moment doesn’t warrant feeling guilty at all!

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Mom or Parenting guilt is just that. It is something that you do as a parent that you may be guilty about doing. Maybe it is disciplining your child, or maybe even you miss an early diaper rash sign and you now have a full blown rash on your baby and feel guilty it got that far too. Honestly you can have guilt for just about anything and everything when it comes to kids. There can even be times when maybe you wouldn’t have guilt for something and suddenly that changes and now you feel super guilty over some thing!

*** If you are someone who is really enjoying the blogs and has the financial freedom to want to support this through tips, you are more than welcome to do so by clicking on this link to bring you to my personal Ko-Fi page. Never will you ever be pressured to support in this way however the option is there if you wish to do so! Your continued support regardless of financial or not is greatly appreciated.

Breast feeding is one if the biggest things I think Mom’s in particular can have this guilt for. In fact, I even wrote about how we need to normalize formula feeding in a blog post here. As a society we put such a heavy weight on women to be able to breast feed our babies that it can be a huge guilt trap when you decide to stop or if you decide to jump right into formula. So much so that women who do end up stopping before they maybe planned to stop will see out donations of breast milk from random strangers on the internet. That is a whole other story that I cant even describe how alarming or dangerous it is. As a society we make it sound like breast feeding is the only way to feed a baby and if you don’t do it you are somehow taking away things from your little one. Which is completely wrong as there are many different reasons why a parent may choose not to breastfeed including for their own mental health which is also important too. It stressed me out. Especially with having my first son have jaundice and I was not sure if he was drinking an adequate amount to get rid of the jaundice too. And with my second I just went to formula and felt great!

Being sick can be tough sometimes. As parents sometimes we forget that we are not super human and that we also can get sick. Which in turn can result in our little humans missing out on something perhaps. Maybe we have a TV day because we have the flu so bad we are unable to do a whole lot. Maybe we have a cheat day with meals and make things that are incredibly fast or easy to give ourselves a break. We do not need go be feeling guilty for prioritizing our health. Which I know is a lot easier said than done. Funny enough, I am also guilty of feeling guilty!

Society constraints or how they think people should parent, I am sure is a huge source of parental guilt for parents. These are the expectations that as a society we put on parents for literally no good reason but to drive them crazy. This would be the breastfeeding part. It may also be the proper meals every single meal time of the day. Let’s not forget either the maybe having to go many many places or even the no television or ANY screen time before a child is 2 years old. As a mother to a 2 year old at the time of writing and a 4 month old I can say with confidence we limit our sons screen time but we do not eliminate it completely either. And I certainly am not going to never give my older son TV time for fear my younger one will see something.

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At the end of the day you could feel guilty about anything in your life. However when it comes to parenting there is something about it that your guilt is almost amplified and you feel even more guilty for something super small than you may not feel when it comes to something outside of parenting too. I know for me I think about things that make me guilty for far too long even though I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It can be as silly as something like making eggs for supper one night instead of doing a long and thought out supper. Maybe my oldest is having a meltdown and to break that I put on a TV show earlier than I typically would put on a TV show. It really just depends on the situations but for some reason us parents are our own hardest judges.

And lastly, we have a fear that what we are doing may never be enough. Something like maybe your house is never clean enough, maybe your meals not exotic enough, maybe you put extra hour of TV on, or you never spent the money on that new expensive place for kids in the city that everyone and their dog is paying for. Maybe you don’t have your kids in the hardest or most expensive sport either.

It is so important to remember that as a parent each and every one of us learns and teaches differently. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that either. Just do what you are comfortable with and I am sure you will be raising a little genies!

Wish People Said About Birth/Pregnancy – Part 1

Before I begin, I want to say this is something that I had asked the people on the app “Peanut”. This is an app where mothers sign up and can meet other moms around their towns and essentially become friends and hang out (Not a sponsor). However for me I felt it was far too overwhelming and in typical fashion I stopped using the app. I did however ask a question to the community, that question was “What is something you wish people told you about pregnancy or birth”. These are some responses and once the other parts become active I will be posting them below with links. And you are more than welcome to check them out yourself too!

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What do you wish people told you about pregnancy and birth Part 2
What do you wish people told you about pregnancy and birth Part 3

Breast feeding hurts is something that popped up a few times. You guys may know my stance on breast feeding in terms that I formula feed my son and did the same for my first. I breastfed for 3 days with my first child and it was not for me. When you look at movies and things you always assumed that breastfeeding was this easy thing and any parent loves to do it. This couldn’t be further from the truth. It is something that you have to literally teach yourself. And before anyone says, “maybe it hurts because of latch problems blah blah blah” it does not have to be physical hurt. I wrote a blog about normalizing formula feeding that you can read here before we often forget the mental strain of stopping the breastfeeding journey due to guilt society and other mom’s put on others.

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Another mention someone had said was postpartum anxiety. Anyone hear the phantom crying? I know for us, my spouse and myself felt this with our first. I will also mention that the second child we had these anxieties seems to feel a bit more relaxed, maybe because we know that we have the skills needed to raise human however it doesn’t change how it felt for our first. These would be the anxiety’s that you have with your children, often times they are irrational and don’t even really make sense however they are important to note that there is a lot of anxiety after the birth of your baby. Feeling these are completely normal and if you feel like it may be something that is excessive you should reach out to a health care provider to validate those feelings and work through them as they can be hard to work through.

The physical recovery, not during child birth. I know for me I am completely guilty of this. I totally slipped my mind the use of pads and things after giving birth and only did it click when I was having my first son and a friend had given birth a few months prior had given me their heavy duty pads they used and no longer needed. I know sounds completely dumb to forget that but I never even thought about bleeding even though it made sense. That being said there is multiple types of recover. I have had the no medication birth with my first and a vaginal delivery which you can read about here. I also have had a c-section birth that I talk about here with my second child too that you can read about here. But no one prepares you for how challenging it can be to have either birth. If I had to pick I would say the c-section was the harder birth due to the fact you legit had a major surgery. I am really hoping that our last and third child when the time comes is a vaginal birth and NOT a c-section however it it happens the only thing saving me mentally is that it will be the last c-section that I ever have. The physical pain you go through, even a vaginal birth with no tearing having to walk up stairs after arriving home was so challenging holy smokes. I never even thought of that either!

Breastfeeding is not birth control. I know a few people who learned this the hard way. And based on the people commenting on this answer there was a lot of others who found that out also. Though breast feeding may delay your period and what not, it still can not be used as a contraceptive. Unless you are on birth control or using controls, if a man ejaculates inside of you there is a strong change that you could be pregnant from this. This also goes for the “having sex before 6 weeks” and you may not get pregnant. False. There is a reason why you are told to wait 6 weeks and that is due to your body healing. Saying breastfeeding is a way to prevent pregnancy is not a solid one and you may find yourself playing with fire and having a little surprise bundle in 9 months time too.

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Milestone obsessions is something that is very real and I again feel like having multiple kids does ease this up. When you have one child you become obsessed with milestones. Are they crawling on time? Rolling? Walking or standing? The fact is the spectrum is so broad that your child may be doing one or all things at once and there is no really right or wrong way. Use the milestones as a guideline but there is no need to panic if they aren’t hitting everything that they need to be at the time. It is also important to note that if a few milestones are missing at one age they may catch up and have multiple milestones happening at other ages though. Sometimes milestones are grouped up and they aren’t as spread out for people.

As you can see there is multiple things that may seem pretty obvious to others however this is not the case. This is something that maybe by writing these out a new parent may know before the situation arises! And if you are pumped to read this I can’t wait for you to read the other ones when they come out too!

Surreal Feeling of Parenting

If you are not a parent I’m not entirely sure that you will know what this feels like. I don’t mean that in any way disrespectfully either. Just that for this particular blog, it really is only since becoming a parent that I have really noticed this.

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Since becoming a parent I have become such a sad sap it isn’t even funny. I swear that I am one of those people who now cries at any animated movie no matter how small the inconvenience is. I tear up and think about things and it makes me feel like trash only because I would poke fun at my mom who also would get sappy about things too. Before becoming a parent I would never feel this way or even admit to it but here we are.

Another thing is that I find myself feeling an overwhelming sense of relief or even sense of serenity. I know that makes me also sound like a weirdo but it’s not. I mean sometimes I am sitting on the couch. One of my son’s is playing with his blocks in front of me. We have the TV on for background noise, and then we have my other son trying to bit his teether toys furiously like he means business. I just look around and I feel a sense of happiness that I dont think I can even describe because it doesn’t even feel real. I feel a sense of wow and wonder that this is actually my life. That this is something I could never have imagined how it felt until I was in the moment. I still can’t believe that after over 2 years, maybe 3 including pregnancy, that I have been a mom and my life has been changed.

*** If you are someone who is really enjoying the blogs and has the financial freedom to want to support this through tips, you are more than welcome to do so by clicking on this link to bring you to my personal Ko-Fi page. Never will you ever be pressured to support in this way however the option is there if you wish to do so! Your continued support regardless of financial or not is greatly appreciated.

Another thing that I know people talk about often is this, Time passes sooo fast with children. I know you know people with kids and have heard at some point, whether a parent or not, you may even have heard your own parents say it, is that “before you know it, they will be growing up like weeds”, “Or off to college soon with them in the blink of an eye” or something along those lines. THIS IS TOTALLY TRUE!! Which is mind blowing right. It really is.

When we had our first child, we knew time was passing fast. When you had to change clothes or even go up diaper sizes you would think to yourself holy moly, there is a lot of time that passed we are already changing up! Well, let me tell you this, when you have more than one kid, you will notice that that time is then going twice as fast as it was with just one child! Maybe I find this is because my second son is growing so quickly and at the time of reading it is 5 months old and next month we start baby foods. I feel like we just had him!

There are even times now when both of the boys are asleep when my spouse and I are laying on the couch and we have to look at each other and wonder, “Wow, we made them” as we look at their monitors form their rooms, which is still hard to grasp. Like we made two human beings. Two little pieces of both of us mixed together they are us. I always knew when I was younger that I would have kids one day. I knew that I would be a mom. It was just a feeling that I knew. And again, I want to state if anyone not a parent is reading this, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have children! There is enough pressure for couples to have a family that I do not want to be someone who does that. There is people who want kids and others who do not and there is nothing wrong with that.

I also know a lot of parents feel this strange passing of time due to the amount of parents on my Facebook that when their child’s birthday comes around they comment about how they maybe turned around and they already have a 10 year old! which is again, mind blowing when it comes to things also too. it really is that when you decide to have kids that time has a new meaning. I feel like days in particular happen fast too. There is a lot of times when I turn around and feel like the day has flew by and my spouse is already home from work.

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Being a parent changes you. Or I should say, being a good parent changes you, we know there is a lot of bad ones out there which I would assume their lives don’t really change at all. Being a good parent makes you want to do better, be better, get better. I have been a parent for over 2 years, including pregnancy though I would say closer to 3. I know that I have been changed by my kids and remembering who I used to be and how I dont do some of the things I did before is tough. But there is still many many days when I sit around and think in awe how great my life is. How thankful I am to have 2 children and hopefully we plan for our 3rd and final one towards the end of the year. I am starting to think that this feeling doesn’t ever fade either, It hasn’t since my oldest was born! And it still feels like he was just a little baby and in the hospital and how excited and nervous and happy I was holding him! Even if not he is Mama’s big big baby now!

Why I Disagree with Vegan Lifestyle for Kids

If there is one thing for sure, there is no shortage of how people want to try to tell others how to parent their children. Anywhere from waiting to pierce a child’s ears til they could consent to circumcision without consent(You can read either blog about those subjects here!) but there is nothing more wrong (IMO) than trying to push a specific lifestyle upon your children. Again this is going to be a more or less a personal opinion piece so if you dont agree well, that is completely fine also. This is just how I feel about the subject and as always I welcome any and all opinions in the comments.

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Why I dont think vegan lifestyles should be pushed on kids is just this, they are unable to voice their opinion whether or not they want to pursue that lifestyle and forcing them into it just is plain cruel. Veganism is a very difficult lifestyle. Sure you can face the argument of well you can get everything from other products without eating meat or animal bi-products, however does it really compare to the real deals here? Maybe not. Have the parents been like this for a long time? Maybe, but that doesn’t mean that they should be doing the same thing for their growing child.

The fact is, when kids and babies are growing and they need to have nutrient rich diets. That isn’t to say that aren’t allowed to have treats or sweets and things by any means. It just means that there are nutrients that are majorly important to a growing human being. There just are some things that to substitute out of their food or to even get the proper amounts can be challenging at best. That is not to say that there isn’t specific ways you can actually get the same nutrients. Remember too that kids do not exactly have the largest bodies including their stomachs. In order to cram everything in to get their nutrition for the day may take a lot more than the original choice of getting the nutrients.

*** If you are someone who is really enjoying the blogs and has the financial freedom to want to support this through tips, you are more than welcome to do so by clicking on this link to bring you to my personal Ko-Fi page. Never will you ever be pressured to support in this way however the option is there if you wish to do so! Your continued support regardless of financial or not is greatly appreciated.

So why is it now a days people are so quickly to judge others and how they raise their children but when it comes to dietary needs they are turning away and pretending that they don’t see it. Why is it when people are doing these specific lifestyles and pushing this on to their kids people aren’t also asking the question of why wouldn’t you wait til they could consent to this way of living?

I also want to state, I am not talking about children who may have allergies or sensitivities where they are unable to eat certain things or process certain things either. I am talking about where a parent chooses a lifestyle where they are no longer eating certain things in this world and they are making their child then not eat the same things they will not be eating. Allergies and sensitivities are a whole different ball game which to be frank, could mean life or death if ingested. I am also not saying that people who choose to life a vegan lifestyle are right or wrong in that either. I am sure anyone has valid reasons for eating the way they do, I am just talking about trying to have your children follow the same lifestyle, without them being able to say if they wanted to or not.

I personally am under the understanding that this is wrong and should not be enforced on children. I for example, barely eat a lot of many food groups. I talk more about that in my blog here, however when it comes to say meat, I dont eat much at all. No bacon or steak or hamburgers. Does that mean I make sure my kids don’t eat that also because I dont eat them? No. They eat all of the things I cook for them even if I dont like the taste or am too much of a picky eater. Their dad eats just about anything and everything from snails to frogs legs. I make these things because I know the importance of them to have a well balanced lifestyle when it comes to foods. I cant imagine trying to make my children eat what I eat (Which is carbs carbs carbs) and watching them not have the proper nutritional value per day because of myself. My own way of eating or lack there of is based on me, I dont want to be the reason my children get sick for following my diet.

Just because you lead a specific lifestyle does not mean that you should be forcing your children to also lead the same lifestyle. Until they can consent and form their own opinion on this they should, again in my opinion, be eating the same things anyone would be eating. Which is including all of the food groups and not excluding anything. Would you feel the same way about ear piercing or the same way about male circumcision?

And I also want to throw it out there that I am not talking about making your children lead a vegan lifestyle and then on top of that trying to give them all of these supplements and crap to try to make them have the same nutritional value. A multi vitamin makes sense, but to fill them up with drops and chewable Flintstones vitamins does not make any sense. Eating a certain way only to have the nutrients in those forms is not a way to live either.

Accepting Random Breast Milk from Strangers a new fad

If you are someone who has accepted random strangers breast milk on the daily for your little one you might as well click away because this blog is a lot of truths and a lot of things that you obviously don’t agree with if you are risking your babies life. There is going to be some ranting (In typical Stacey fashion) and a lot of truth bombs coming at you. You may even be surprised if you are in a group of people who had no idea this was happening. Consider yourself lucky and welcome to one of the strangest and most reckless practices that has been known in recent years with raising children.

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Firstly, I would also like to state that I am not talking about accepting breast milk donations from reputable sources. Whether this be a hospital or a proper donation bank. These types of places have screening for the milk to ensure that the quality is there when giving it to babies. They have specific processes to go through and different things that people can do in order to make sure that what they are giving their baby is in fact safe to give. The storage is properly handles, testing is done, quality, as well as many other things before giving it to parents for their little ones.

What I am talking about here is people using facebook groups to get breast milk from normally random strangers (not friends) and then using that milk to feed their children. For whatever reason, whether it be they don’t want to give formula or many they dont have enough of their own supply. People who just connect via messanger and think that it is totally alright to accept breast milk from someone they have no idea their history or background and give this to their babies. I am sure you are probably thinking, but what is the issue here? Let me explain.

*** If you would like to support this blog financially you are more than welcome to do so by clicking this link here to bring you to my Ko-Fi website. Supporting the blog via tips is NEVER pressured however if you feel so inclined to help out in another way this is a perfect way to do so! You can see some behind the scenes items as well as insider info on the store updates and uncensored blogs also coming soon!

Let’s jump into the not so obvious first. Storage. This can be something that as innocent as it may sound could be a huge cause for concern. Maybe the milk was left out too long and bacteria grew. Or maybe the storage bags or containers somehow got contaminated. Then you have the not so obvious maybe the pump parts that said mother used have not been properly cleaned and therefore are causing some concern there on whether or not the milk is able to be used. Just this alone should have some sort of cause for safety before you even begin to think about giving it to your baby.

Next you have the pretty obvious stuff. Maybe the person is on some sort of medications or maybe they are on illegal drugs also. I am not talking about weed or alchol either. I am talking about perscription drugs or maybe even harder illegal drugs. Things that people don’t normally divulge when it comes to admitting their faults.

One thing that stuck out in my mind when questioned about this to moms who in fact use random breast milk for their children was this “If this mother gives it to their baby why wouldn’t it be safe for mine?”. Though this could be true, how are we even to know if this milk has not been tampered with or maybe they don’t really give it to their babies. We really do not know that. Maybe this mother is disgruntled because they have an over supply and were only able to conceive the baby they have, while others have many kids. The fact is when someone asks a mother a question and or a series of them, they have to then take their answers at face value. They may be correct and I am sure a lot of the time they are, but that does not mean they always will be.

The fact is in today’s day and age accepting anyone for their face value cards can be risky at best. Then there were people who also stand by the “Mom circle of trust” crap like “well they know the struggles and they wouldn’t do that to another mom”. The fact is we do not know someones intentions. Though a vast majority may have the best intentions for donating milk to random strangers you really do not know that.

Then it also comes down to this, if you are someone who breastfeeds your baby and takes the risk of donating your over supply of breast milk to someone you don’t even know, how would you feel if that breast milk by chance made their baby sick? Could you handle that knowing the reason was your fault even if it was not on purpose but by some other reason too. This is entirely possible and could happen even with something as simple as having a baby having a dairy allergy and you consuming it enough to make them sick. Even if you do limit yourself and don’t think there is enough for them to really be sick from it you still took that chance and made them sick.

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The bottom line is that any doctor in their right mind would not be recommending that someone get random breast milk from a stranger off the street to give their baby. i mention this because yes, someone did say their doctor told them to get breast milk to rule out an allergy to some type of formula (I kid you not) and they went straight to a stranger for this. I will state also if your doctor does this maybe you should be looking at getting a new doctor because this practice is not safe.

The bottom line is this practice of people being so against formula is disgusting at best and reckless. Whether or not a study has shown breast milk is better or whatever, the point is even if you asked this person 100 questions there is no guarantee that they are actually giving you the right answers or the ones that they think you want to hear. And unless there is a proper screening and testing you really have no idea what is in the breast milk that you are not giving to your baby and risking their life for your own personal gain. If this blog post offended you, I can only assume that you are someone who would risk your little one’s life for a personal vendette.

Why You Should Never Join a Mommy or Parents Facebook Group

I know what you are thinking, Mommy groups on Facebook are great! They are a good spot where mom’s can talk about different things and bounce idea’s off of other mom’s or parents so that they are able to see different solutions and how to care for your little one. especially if you are a first time parents and have not many resources at hand they can be a good spot to find out what may be troubling your young child.

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that being said, they are not always as great as you may think that they are. Sometimes, well a lot of the time they are filled with a bunch of not so nice things. which is natural due to the fact that there are many things that parents may or may not know about their kids. There is a lot of sarcasm at times, myself included.

Mommy groups on Facebook are toxic a lot of the times. They are filled with parents who sit home all day or have a lot of time on their hands and they keep posting or commenting on different things. They sometimes even belittle people in the process. An example of this is whenever someone mentions feeding. As a formula feeding parent I know and see this pretty regularly in the groups that I am in. A parent automatically assume that the other person posing the question is breastfeeding. This is just another example of how as a society we need to normalize formula feeding again (which I wrote about and you can read about it on my blog here!).

*** If you would like to support this blog financially you are more than welcome to do so by clicking this link here to bring you to my Ko-Fi website. Supporting the blog via tips is NEVER pressured however if you feel so inclined to help out in another way this is a perfect way to do so! You can see some behind the scenes items as well as insider info on the store updates and uncensored blogs also coming soon!

Another way that I would not recommend is that if you do decide to join, make sure you turn off notifications or even hide posts until you physically open the group yourself. When you are looking at your feeds and you see this being posted it can be extremely addicting to keep up to date on what parents are talking about and getting the “in” on things. I found myself being consumed by what everyone was posting even if the same things were being posted every single day multiple times.

That also leads me to another aspect, I find that the groups are unaware or maybe don’t care to, search the group for different questions. The repetition alone on asking questions can be exhausting to keep track of. Popular topics that people talk about are a) breast feeding b) how their child slept perfectly but now doesn’t (Not researching sleep regressions, or sleep training just assuming they sleep trained once and baby is good to go which is not the case) and then you have the ever popular (at least where I life for the local group) c) should I take my baby XX or should I go to the emerge or walk in? The questions that get asked daily are actually mind numbing and a simple search of the group would provide all of the answers needed.

One of the big things is judgement (also guilty). There is so much judgement when it comes to these groups that if you are light heated i would suggest not even getting involved in them. There is very triggering posts in there also that some people have no idea how to handle and will attack other people for having an opinion. Case in point, I posted a hot topic about how I dont think accepting random breast milk from strangers should be allowed. I was genuinely trying to see how people could come to that conclusion and while my intentions were kind and after the rash posts of people supporting this practice (Which is highly unsafe and damaging to a baby potentially which I also wrote about here) people grouped up and told me I was wrong when I was trying to see how someone could give their child something that have no idea but the word of a stranger on how it is good.

Another hard part of these groups is whether or not they are directly meaning to do this they can make you feel like you’re doing too much or too little of something. For example, a lot of people post about these different approaches to things or certain styles maybe “gentle” parenting. To the point if you even mention you have raised your voice they will come at you and make you feel like you are not doing the best you can even if different styles do in fact work (shocking I know). I know for me, there are posts where people talk about getting a crap ton of sensory toys or even those special (expensive) black and white toys to help their babies and their kid is nearly 3 months old. Or people posting how they feel like a bad parent for not entertaining their child 24/7 either. Even if not directly pointed at you, they are filled with things that can make you feel like you are not up to the society standard of what a parent should be.

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Another thing that I have noticed is a lot of people just like any other social media group, talk a lot of talk when behind a computer screen. A lot of the times I find people are not as genuine as they would be had you met them some where else naturally instead of this group. I find people are fake and that they will a lot of times tell you what you want to hear. One thing I noticed is that I find myself being too blunt and not sugar coating things which can obviously not be helpful to people who want to hear a very specific answer to their questions.

Just like anything there are some benefits. It should be seen as a resource on maybe if you need help or something you can look at it. Though they are typically filled with drama it is really best to avoid them if you can or even try to limit how much you spend browsing the pages also because that can be a tricky part in itself too!

Frowned Upon Parenting: Part 1

The following post has been made thanks to the app Peanut (Not sponsored) where you can ask and interact with communities and groups of fellow Mom’s. One day I had asked one of the groups that I was in something that they would be doing that they know as a fact other mom’s or parents would be frowning upon. These were some of the things they said. For me, I will be also giving my opinion on each of the situations and hopefully you get a chuckle out of them. Some of them I know that I do or will do in my parenting journey, others I completely disagree with.

If you want to see the previous part’s as they are released they will be added here:
Frown Upon Parenting 2
Frown Upon Parenting 3
Frown Upon Parenting 4

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Pro screen time can be a touchy subject. For me I grew up in the 90’s when we were sat in front of the TV with shows like Mr Rogers Neighborhood, Barney and Sesame Street. Now there is a huge discussion with sitting your children in front of the television is a huge taboo subject. They also say that having your child watch any TV before the age of 2 can stunt their knowledge. That being said, as much in life, I believe everything is good in moderation. When we were growing up there was never really any type of limiting and I feel like people grew up just fine. Now we live in a world with technology literally in our hands a lot of the time we cannot expect for our children to not be familiar with technology though either. For us, I do limit how much time my son’s get to watch TV however we do believe there is some benefits to it. You can see where I talk more about that in my top 3 shows that we watch with our son’s and the 3 shows we would rather avoid watching. Anything in moderation is great for me!

Another user said that they let their kids eat whatever and whenever they want. I know growing up as a teenager even or a child in school we did not eat anything and everything and that is a lifestyle that I think I would adapt with my own kids when they hit that age. My reasoning for this is what they should be eating things of some nutritional value. Does that mean I never give treats or snacks? No. It just means that I wont be giving my son’s bowls of crackers of chips or cereal endlessly so that they keep eating and eating and eating the entire day. There is specific times for snacks and meals there is no unlimited supply of snacks. We all can related to having kids over from school and being the house that always gave snacks and treats away. I won’t be that house especially with the price of food now a days!

*** If you would like to support this blog financially you are more than welcome to do so by clicking this link here to bring you to my Ko-Fi website. Supporting the blog via tips is NEVER pressured however if you feel so inclined to help out in another way this is a perfect way to do so! You can see some behind the scenes items as well as insider info on the store updates and uncensored blogs also coming soon!

Bed sharing is also a controversial subject. I am pretty clear on the subject as you can also read when I talk about this here in the blog where I disagree with it. In short, I dont believe in bed sharing because of so many safety reasons. I know people who do it continuously til they have children about 3 or more years old, if that is for them so be it. Growing up I was never in the same bed as my parents sleeping and there was three of us. I know growing up I wouldn’t be doing it with my children either. Does that mean that I have never done it before? No. I have if I am totally spent and looking for the extra hour and a half after my partner has gone to work before my oldest wakes up. That is not something we do regularly though because just as their safety is important, so is our sleep too.

One user said they would totally be frowned upon for finishing their kids homework. They said they have gone to bed and they have finished their homework because they may not have done it before going to bed and they didn’t want them to have to rush it in the morning. I can say with confidence this is not something I would be doing for my kids when they hit school age. Why? Because I finished school and they are the ones who are learning. That is a line straight from my mothers mouth because she or my dad had never finished our homework. That being said was there arguments because I didn’t want to do them, yes, but they still never did it for us.

Dessert first is something that one user said which I can say sometimes this had happened. Occasionally we would get take out normally McDonald’s or something and we would get an ice cream with it. Sometimes my mom would tell us we could eat the ice cream first because if not it would melt. That being said she always told us not to tell my dad (which we did!) and it was just a little fun thing she used to do with myself and my siblings. I wouldn’t say we would eat dessert every night first however there will be instances where I think this would be a fun treat for my kids!

As you can see there really is a lot of things that parents frown upon others which is why I asked the question and figured that I would be make a mini series of what things parents know to be maybe not the normal lifestyle choices for raising kids! And why not put my own opinions within this too, because you never know how people may feel about these specific circumstances! Was there anything in the list above that you do or know you will have others frown upon your parenting style? Let me know in the comments below, maybe your point will be featured in the next set of Frowned Upon Parenting blogs!

Infant and Toddler Milestones, Stop stressing!

I know this may be a shock to some who have not had children for the past 5 or 10 years or so, however did you know that there are actually infant and toddler milestones that you are supposed to be hitting with children? I know completely insane right. I know that some of you reading this also need to hear this too… STOP STRESSING!

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When you have a baby especially in this day and age there are many many many milestones that you are supposed to be hitting. Some of them could be something as simple as your baby finding you from across the room or even turning their head towards your voice. Then you have more advanced ones like when they are old enough to say hold their head and or crawl and then standing and walking too. To be completely honest trying to keep up with all of them is exhausting.

The fact is, your child may never hit the milestones when studies or whatever says that they are supposed to. Is this a good marker to keep track of things may they have some sort of disability in the future? Sure. At the end of the day though there is no singular test or milestones that will be hit by everyone at the same time. Sometimes you may have a child who hits them all perfectly, even advanced, than you may have another one that is a bit behind in hitting them but is still hitting them. If they are hitting them even at their own pace there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.

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My first son was a bit of a late bloomer. He took a while to really say words. However his comprehension to things has been phonemonal. He also was a late bloomer when it came to walking too. However he flies by now when he runs around the room. My current son even though he is not even close to being a year old seems to be doing milestones also relatively quickly in comparison. I swear as soon as he was outside of my body he was trying to hold his head up for multiple reasons. Not to mention his growth is seemingly off the charts as he is growing like a weed!

I think it is important to note, when we were all children the milestones that children had to hit may not have been as known. Most of us turned out pretty alright even without those markers. Dare I even say raising kids was more relaxed in a sense because we were not comparing our kids as much as we do now, thanks to media and the advances in that for part of the reason for the shift now. Sure, they are a great thing for us to use when it comes to diagnosing certain things in children or infants. I think there were also some people who also may have gone untreated by this too.

I will mention this, having a second child I am far less worried about the milestones as I was with my first. I feel like the mentioning of this constantly can also cause even more anxiety and worry in a parent that if their little one may not be hitting them bang on like they are “supposed” to on paper that they immediately panic. I know, I was totally worried if my first son was missing a milestone here and there. You know what though? He eventually did hit all of them!

One problem now a days with parenting is that everything needs to be so technical. From these silly little milestones to even how they play. From the montesseri or whatever have you way of learning. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do anyways as parents? Why does there need to be certain ways for us to help our children learn? Not everything in parenting needs to be so thought out and done. Honestly the best thing you can do as a parent is just to go with the flow. Am I saying that routine or structure is bad? No. Of course not! But there can be some relaxation in the process. If you are a bit off schedule one day or if you have the TV on a little bit when you want to try to get something done, there is nothing wrong with that either.

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As parents we find ourselves stressing about anything and everything, and even though as we have more kids we find ourselves becoming more relaxed there is enough stressors that we really don’t need to add anything else. If your child is missing milestones a lot or maybe is far behind than obviously there is some cause for concern though but in the grand scheme of things it is completely okay for us to let things happen naturally. As I mentioned my first son has been a late bloomer in terms of talking, however now at 2 years old I swear every day he repeats a new word that I had no idea he would. The fact is, none of his doctors ever seemed alarmed by this, we as his parents were the ones who were more stressed.

Before you focus on milestones, know that you are a great parent. You are doing everything you feel right in their lives and if milestones take a bit longer than Jimmy down the road that is completely normal and okay. We need to enjoy the life we have created and watch them grow instead of trying to fit them into this timeline of when things should or shouldn’t be happening. A cause for concern should happen when the time comes, and if a doctor whom you hopefully trust, isn’t concerned than you really shouldn’t be either!