Tag Archives: Self Love

When My Son Goes to Bed

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When my son goes to bed, what do I do you might be wondering, Absolutely nothing! FREEDOM!

Just kidding of course. What can be done is really up to anyone. And depends on the day also. Ill write the two ways I would spend my time “kid free” once he went to sleep. I say this because as I write this I am pregnant and well, some things changed from being pregnant and when I am not and how I fill my time! Let’s start with when I am not pregnant shall we!

My son goes to bed regularly around 7pm. This is after he is done rolling around in his crib, talking to himself, potentially throwing his blanket out of the crib and whining for it, or having his soother fall to the floor and having to go in to get it for him again. A few times a week I am streaming. At the time of writing this I am streaming 3 days per week, this might change in the fall when I want to add a bi-weekly podcast into the mix but that is an after thought!Currently at the time of writing this I stream and am live playing games, or even doing art on Monday/Wednesday/Friday. I typically start this as soon as he goes to sleep with my intro playing as he settles. My goal ultimately is to stream between 2.5 and 3 hours however sometimes less depending on how I feel. After if there is a few moments my boyfriend and I would watch something quick on TV. Sometimes it would be a quick show, or depending on how we feel an episode of a series that we are watching. On day’s that I don’t stream sometimes I do things like working on blog posts, writing in my novels or books, doing artwork for my house, different things as well too. This is time I try to look after myself. Rarely do I do housework unless maybe the dishes, I try to do that during the day so that tonight I can hang out and just relax without having to think about anything. I sometimes have a bath or sometimes do absolutely nothing at all!

Now, when I am not pregnant it can be a bit different in terms of things that I do once he goes to bed. The streaming never changes that is something that is good. And I do try to stick to the no housework rule. For my own sanity sake. The most I will do for housework as mentioned is the dishes however if the toys are everywhere on the floor I guess I would pick those up also! The major difference is that when my son goes to bed I would smoke a joint. I know. I am a stoner mom. However I don’t believe in smoking while pregnant obviously for multiple reasons. That is a different blog post though! Other than that I would say a lot of the things are the same. I view smoking a joint as if some people have a glass of wine. I actually talked about that in a previous blog that you are more than welcome to check out here where I talk about the difference between wine or weed and why I think one is viewed so drastically. I will also note that if my boyfriend is away for whatever reason or I am alone with my son I will not smoke in case something happens and we need to travel anywhere either. I treat weed just as I would booze. And occasionally my boyfriend and I especially in the summer time will will sit outside and have a drink together. I prefer coolers however me drinking a lot is kind of the days of my past when I was younger and doing the bar scene!

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Something that is important to remember once your child(ren) go to bed is that there is nothing “Set” that you should or shouldn’t be doing. Sometime people will do housework and relax that way, and believe me I have done that myself if my house is in a state. Once we move (If we haven’t already by the time this has come out!) I am sure I will be in the cleaning boat as we get the house to our own happy place. There is nothing wrong with doing absolutely nothing though. Use this free time to catch your breath. Being a parent can be hard especially if you are in fast a single parent too. Some days with children are easier than others. Some days you have a teething baby or you are pregnant yourself again. You really need to find what works for you because it can legit change so often. For me I try to do something relaxing and self care like, regardless of what that is. I think it is a great way for me to decompress from the day.

When being a parent we often put our children first. This is natural and normal. I know my parents did that with myself and my brother and sister. Regardless of what we were doing they would put us first and that is okay. But I know my dad would sometimes go to his friends house for a few hours on Wednesday nights after work if he was home. My mom would go bowling on Thursday nights (Which I also did however this year being pregnancy about 7 months will not be for me!) and at one point she also did water aerobics. You really have to find something you enjoy and if you are a single parent that is okay also! A lot of the things that I do once my son goes to bed is at my house or I am bringing the camera to sit on my deck and enjoy the outside.

What are some things that you do once your children go to bed?
Is there anything different or the same that we happen to do the same?

Let me know in the comments below! I would love to hear what you do.

Putting Yourself First as a Mom

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Putting yourself can be hard for anyone. As my dad always said “Stop burning the candle at both ends” which is a lot easier said than done too. Even when you don’t have kids a lot of people, like myself, always find themselves putting others above their own needs. Becoming a parent doesn’t change that you simply are just pushing yourself further down the list which is not always a good things. Yes, your children will go first in a lot of aspects of your life. However that doesn’t mean that you should ignore yourself. If you become run down and tired or exhausted even then you will find yourself struggling to put your children first as you may want to do.

I also realize while writing this that if you are a single parent with little to no help when it comes to your children that it may be hard for you to find time to put yourself first. I understand that. I am fortunate that I have a partner as well as will be living close to family that will be able to help when I need it for whatever reason. Not to say I will take advantage of this but the opportunities to put myself first might be easier than someone who is doing this alone. But that shouldn’t mean that you are any less important and there is no way to put yourself first. There just might need to be some creative out of the box thinking happening to do this.

Putting yourself first does NOT have to be some big extravagant thing. You can do very little things in order to do this. You don’t even have to spend a lot of money on putting yourself first either. Though we think of self care as a parent or a mom as maybe going on some shopping spree with the girls, or even a night to the movies with friends, it doesn’t have to be like that at all. It can be something as simple as watching a movie at night once the kids have gone to bed, taking a nice warm bubble bath and relaxing for an hour in the water. It can be creating some art with a pen and paper or writing a short story. Putting yourself can also mean doing absolutely nothing once the kids go to bed. Some of the nights I do this, i can tell you I feel the best. Not having to think about doing any house work or laundry just seems to be right sometimes. Remember, those dishes in the sink are not going anywhere, they will still be there in the morning if you don’t want to miss that special finale of the show you have been bingeing to catch up! even dying your own hair can be something that you enjoy doing, this is one I personally try to do when I feel run down, nothing like a fresh hair color or style to really enforce how i feel about myself!

Another thing we tend to put on the back burner as parents is our health. When it comes to our kids we are the biggest advocates for them when they are unwell doing everything within our power to make them feel better. When it comes to us, we will do anything we can to ignore the issue and hope it magically goes away. It sometimes does, but it also sometimes gets worse. I am guilty of this majorly. I need to start to put myself first. If you have to get take out, or skip cleaning for a few days and literally keep your kids alive that is a good thing. Sometimes when we are run down we also can be making ourselves sick too. This would be a prime example of when you spread yourself too thin. I used to do this especially at my old job working with disabled adults, You can read more about it here.

And lastly, if you are able to have someone whether family or friends help out. Take them up on the offer to look after your kids for a few hours. You do not need to spend some money on this. You could even take the time to go to a park or a quick walk. Even go to a picnic for one and read a book under a tree, or window shop or grab a coffee and enjoy some alone time. Sometimes the nicest moments i have is when I can go to a doctors appointment and I can jam to some music as well as just enjoy the quiet even if I am not doing a whole lot. And yes, with the virus around the world loosening though some places are extremely difficult in their 3rd or more waves of it, you can still be creative and think about things for you! Even if they are inside your own home too!

What I am ultimately trying to say, as a mother to another mother or father. Take care of yourself. I know it can be hard to think about it or to actually follow through with it but at the end of the day you cannot be the best you can be if you do not feel your best! Remember you are a great parent even if some days you might not have the cleanest house, or the best home cooked meals available. Doing your best looks to be many different colors and there is no right or wrong way to take care of yourself. As long as you are putting some time into it. It does not have to be every day either, it can be once a week, or twice a week, even a few times a month. There is nothing wrong or selfish about a parent putting themselves first for a little bit of self care! NEVER!

What are some of the things that you do, as a parent, that you really enjoy doing for yourself
Have you changed up activities over the years or do you stick to the same things

Let me know in the comments below!

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6 Things I do for Self Care

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Things that people do for self care can really differ from person to person or even from country to country! I think it all depends on what makes a person and more specifically, YOU happy! There is no right or wrong way to do self care that is for sure. I think the ones I typically do are pretty basic but they help me when I have had a stressful day and just want to unwind or reflect.

Art is something that I need to do more of which is really hard sometimes. I like doing anything from painting, to sewing and many other ways in between too. I liek art because I can choose the medium that I want to do. Whether it be painting or drawing or coloring or anything else you can think of too. I need to do more but sometimes it can be so hard to focus on it and really stick to it. Not to mention the amount of sketch books or canvas or odds and ends I have is just insane when you think about it. I even have supplies to make candles which I am probably going to re-explore once we move into a bigger home again too! The beauty about art too is that just about anyone can do it! Regardless of your age or skill level you can give it a try too!

Baths are kind of my way to relax at the end of a day. Only thing is when pregnant it is extremely hard to do when I take baths with the water that is so blistering hot. I need to tone that down a bit. I love baths to read a book in, Sometimes I just sink down and lay with the warm water around. I have even been known to be so relaxed that I have fallen asleep in the tub too!

Binging shows on Netflix is totally a way of self care for me. Whether I am watching the latest comedy series that just got dumped on there or binging the latest crime show to the fullest too. Sometimes sitting down with a bowl of snacks and just trying to dig deep into the world of entertainment and real life mysteries is a great way to just let loose and not think about the world you currently live in too!

Writing in note books is something that I might be the only or one of the only people who do this. I am low key obsessed with notebooks and lists and things. This is so bad that if I screw up a notebook I will re-do it. Remember me mentioning it in the weight loss blogs? yeah it goers for nearly everything from a budget book, to do lists, and whatever else there is too! Sometimes for me a way to show self care or relax is to lay out my planner and schedule and plan the next few weeks ahead. I don’t know why it makes me feel at ease but it totally does when I know what to expect and don’t need to over think or panic if I am running low on a deadline or something. Especially when I try to do multiple things, like blog writing, streams and how long to do them, appointments, scheduling tweets or pins for pinterest too. Having everything laid out and able to check things off is so satisfying!

Gaming is something I have recently started to do when I am not live. I more specifically started to game a bit more off stream when my son was born. Sometimes the feeling of being live can take away a lot of things so by gaming when he naps after of course, he is more regular in his patterns, or when he goes to sleep at night and I’m working on things to do in game like challenges or something too. Ive been trying to take my gaming more seriously and I think by doing this trying to focus on being an average player in my game of choice, Dead by Daylight.

And lastly, I know this may come as a shock to some, But sometimes the best self care for ANYONE is simply doing absolutely nothing at all! There are times when I want to plan self care or I want to do things when I put my son to sleep and at the end of the day I can have every single thing laid out but I end up doing squat. Sometimes we need to turn our brain on auto-pilot and just do whatever it is we feel like we should be doing at the time even if that means cuddled under a blanket and falling asleep on the couch to your favorite show you tried watching the last 3 times but you got interrupted somehow or some way.

As you can see these may seem pretty simple for me. Occasionally I try to workout too as a means of self care but I try to not look at it like that as I am typically not enjoying myself even if I feel better when I am done! Self care is hard to define for one person since it can be so drastically different to the next. But whatever you choose to be your self care enjoy it! Don’t do something you truly do not like or it will not be self care and can slowly (or rapidly) turn into a chore! I know sometimes when I enjoy something I can subconsciously end up over doing it and it gets to the point I no longer do this activity anymore. Don’t be like me!

What are some things that you do for self care?
Have you learned new things since being confined in your home that you now consider to be helpful in relaxing?
Let me know in the comments below!

– Stacey

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