Tag Archives: Relationships

Why Having a “Date Night” is Important

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Before my son was born, my boyfriend and I would go out for the occasional date nights, here and there of course. We did the normal pre-covid dating and pre-kid date nights like going to dinner and a movie, exploring different parts of the city, grabbing ice cream or going for walks in the parks. Since covid happened obviously that had drastically changed as well as the fact that we had a newborn at the time too. And family were not exactly close even if we wanted to.

When having a child, if you do have one already or are thinking about it, it really can change a relationship. Completely. I even talk about it so much in this particular post here. And no, not everything is pretty and nice when you have a baby now entering a relationship either.

My boyfriend and I are both gamers. We like to game. Sometimes we even game on different times and that is okay also too. During covid especially, and not being able to leave the house, things can be challenging to keep it simple. Sometimes we are in the same space for so long we get on one another nerves, sometimes we are in the best moods, and other times we just want to spend time together. The problem we were having was with different gaming times and taking care of our little baby, we were finding ourselves arguing about date nights. Sure, we never were able to go out in the non-conventional way, we were stuck inside. But that didnt make it any less important to me and to him to want to spend time together with one another. Eventually we decided on having an official date night!

In the beginning we had to play around with different days during the week to see what fit for us. It can be any day that you choose but for us we choose Saturdays. This was a weekend and a day he would not be working or the following day. Doing it through the week was challenging because he works and it can be tiring to stay up especially when I also had to get up with the baby the next day and take care of him all day, being tired does not help that situation either! Saturdays just eventually worked out for us in the end.

Now what do we do? Sometimes nothing. Sometimes we watch movies, binge a TV series that we are enjoying, sometimes we sit out on the deck and listen to music with the lights around just taking in the outdoors. Once we move it will be a much welcomed time for us to sit by the fire outside once we build a fire pit of course and if there is no fire ban also too! This is our time to really just spend time together. Sometimes I will get special candies or treats to make it a big event, Sometimes I will pick up chips or candy that are new and neither of us have tried because I think it will be a good idea for us to experiment together. Just silly little things. Sometimes we even put on a mindless show we don’t really have to focus on and we both sit on our phones showing one another meme’s or funny posts. Just different things that we like to do and together.

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Date night is important to us especially while having a baby and during covid because at the end of the day we are always putting our son first. We take care of him, we play with him, feed him, we bathe him. Everything is about him. Not to say it would every change and now with a second and hopefully in a few years a third along the way, our children will always be first for us. However, it is very important in a relationship to remember why we are their. That is, we both care and adore one another (Even if I can be a bit rough around the edges with attitude!) and it is important to us to remember that. We want to be able to just relax for a few hours and just do “us” for a little while. Mind you, once we are home and what not we may do a few occasional actual going out dates where we go out of the house to a movie or dinner. Since we will have my parents or sister who would be able to babysit though we obviously do not want to take advantage of that! It still will be nice to occasionally go out to restaurants that we frequented enough to know what our favorite meals and desserts at them is! From going to a place for their white chocolate brownie, or a spot with the best fries and chicken fingers around! There really is any possibility to different things that we could do for a date night and we cannot wait to just be back home again either.

Date night’s do not need to be expensive. Like I mentioned, sometimes we just watch TV shows we have been binging and get fully into it together. Other times we order food when my son is asleep, and others times we sit outside enjoying the peace and quiet. Things do not need to be expensive. If you find yourself slipping out of your relationship, even before a baby or after, ask yourself, are we really spending time together as a couple? Do we need to get back to basics? Sometimes doing a simple gesture of picking up your spouses favorite treat and surprising them is just the thing you need to be able to get back to how you truly feel. Life can be busy with and without children and sometimes you just have to get back to what happened before life took over!

What do you do for date night (If you have one already!)?

Do you do anything special or the same every week?

Let me know in the comments below, Maybe I can adapt to some of the ones you do for my own date nights!

Relationships After Having a Baby

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Anyone could tell you that having a baby is tough. Whether or not you have children you can imagine the turmoil that you have by bringing another life into an equation. People always talk about how cute a baby is, or how well they are, and sleeping habits being great that no one ever really talks about the not so nice things happening. There are for sure ups and downs when it comes to raising a newborn up til they move out and head to collage. I’m going to talk about my opinions on this and if you are already questioning your decisions maybe this will either help or hinder your thoughts on whether or not you should bring a baby into your relationship or not.

If your relationship is rocky, or strained, or you have any major issues that routinely arise I would strongly suggest NOT having a baby. I don’t mean if you have the argument weekly about the dishes being left tin the sink. I also don’t mean who left the laundry to be folded instead of folding it themselves. Bringing a baby into a relationship that is already rocky will not help anyone out. Not to mention do you really want to be bringing in another life to something that is extremely hard already? You will no doubt argue and fight about more then the baby. Sure, there will be a honeymoon phase of the new baby where you are showing them off, or you are trying to share the joy of your little one. Give it a few weeks of little to no sleep, different parenting styles, housework being pushed a bit away, and things like that before you REALLY decide whether or not you have made a smart or a not so smart decision.

One of the hardest parts about having a baby is realizing that you no longer “own” your time. Your life now revolves around another human being for essentially the rest of your life or in the very least when they are 18 years old. Realizing this sooner than later is probably for the best but it is an adjustment. This means the time you used to spend with your partner may be dashed in half. especially depending if they are back to work right away.

Adjusting to life with a new baby alone is hard. Doing it while in a relationship is also hard too. However, I will say in the beginning when my son was very very little I had mentioned to my boyfriend multiple times I have no idea how single parents do this. It was extremely hard to wrap my head around doing things alone. Especially when you are so sore and healing in the first few weeks. And you want to sleep whenever the baby does too! Not to mention, if you have multiple kids and are unable to sleep so easily too since the other child will be awake and running around too!

One thing that I found to be incredible for my relationship since having a baby (And planning on having another one hopefully in the near future too!) is having a Date Night. I am lucky that my partner has a 9-5 job and weekends off so the day can never change however if your spouse has a schedule that changes that is okay too! We have a date night every Saturday night where once our son goes to sleep we watch a movie, we watch some TV shows, we sometimes sit on our phones and just talk about things, we look at houses since we are buying, we laugh or just hang out. Whatever we chose to do we do it together. No video games, nothing else. I think this has helped us INCREDIBLY in keeping close. Finding time to appreciated each other can be challenging when you have a little one.

This wont be as easy if you have a new born since they still wake quite frequently how we still watched shows while he slept on the bassinet beside us. Then what we would do is that we would still watch things but he would be right beside is. Not that he is a year old and sleeping regularly it is nice that on the weekend we have this day together. Whether or not we get special snacks or meals to enjoy once our son is asleep too.

As a couple who I was lucky enough for my partner to take off 9 months (I was not working) when our son was born, and being stuck inside the house due to covid restrictions I can honestly say that there has been some tough points. Being stuck in the same vicinity as your partner unable to show the world your new bundle of joy even to family has been hard. I do feel like am closer to my partner for the fact that we shared the moment of giving birth together. Would this have saved a relationship on the rocks? Probably not. But for him and I being together for over 10 years this was a huge moment and a new thing we both got to experience together.

It is important to remember, before bringing a baby into the world you should have a great base to be able to have the most stable life this tiny human can have. We all know a family or two that had been struggling and brought new people into the world and you wonder, why the heck they thought bringing a new baby into that would be a good idea? Don’t let yourself be that family people mention and feel bad for. Give your child the best start at life that you possibly can! This includes having a great relationship or maybe a stable house if you aren’t in a solid relationship either.

I would also like to point out also, having a stable and solid relationship doesn’t have to mean with someone sexually or romantically. It could mean having a stable and supportive system in place to help you along on this journey too. Maybe it is family or friends who have had children before that you can ask them questions or concerns they arise as your little one grows, or someone you can even confide in when you have challenging things pop up in the new parent life.

And remember, YOU CAN DO IT! Even if things seem to be tough, You can do this!


Was your relationship in a good spot when you decided to have kids?
We’re you a single parent or in a relationship?


Let me know in the comments below!

– Stacey

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When To Let Go Of a Friendship

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Letting go of friendships can be one of the hardest things you ever do. Evidently enough it is even harder the longer that you have been friends with them. The fact is, it is okay to outgrow a friendship. Whether it be for different reasons such as drifting apart or your goals and dreams both change, or it even be because they are creating a toxic environment in your life.

For a long time I was HORRIBLE at ending a friendship. I was the type of friend that would give any friend the shirt off my back. The problem with this is that I was blind to just how I was being treated. I was the “too nice” friend. I was the person who would drop anything in a heartbeat if you needed it. The problem was when I did this it was normally for people who would use me and take advantage of my kind heart. Eventually when you are in these kinds of friendships or even relationships you have to end it because you are mentally drained with nothing left in the tank to give anymore.

There are many subtle red flags so to speak when it comes to a friendship not being as genuine. These are just some tips that I have noticed when looking back over the years why I have drifted apart with people in my life. It can happen really rapidly or it can happen super slowly over time. For me I would say the majority of these things happened when my boyfriend pointed out to me that some of my “friends” were not even friends at all. They were people who just wanted to take whatever they could from me.

One red flag that I think just about anyone can relate to is “The Convenience” friend. This is the type of person who expects you to be around any time of day or night for whenever they have some crisis or life event happening. However, whenever you need someone to talk to or vent or even just hang with they are suddenly busy or no where to be found. They also typically get mad at you when you are unable to be there for them. Often they hold a grudge at you and if you even think about mentioning to them how you felt when they were “inconveniently” unavailable during the time you needed some help and someone to talk with, they suddenly have this huge problem to deflect from the fact they were a crummy friend. Eventually you will grow apart with this person because nothing is more of a bummer in life is having a friends who only thinks and cares for themselves.

The “Ultimatum” friend sucks. I don’t really think there can be anything more blunt than this. This is the type of friend who gives you an ultimatum in friendship. When I first started dating my boyfriend, I had a friend like this. I had been really close with them for the past 2 years or year whatever before I met him. When we were dating he was not a fan of smoking weed. I smoked it though being with him I slowly stopped (Now it is legal in Canada no problem). He was worried because his job didn’t allow this and he didn’t want to get in some sort of trouble. This friend and I smoked a lot of weed, and I mean a lot. We went through some tough times and helped one another. When I told her I was slowly stopping weed not because I am trying but because being with him made me not want to be stoned as much. She gave me an ultimatum. Either stay friends with her, or leave my boyfriend who we had just moved in together and the amount of good he had and still brings to my life. Naturally I left that friend. Why would I stay friends with someone who makes me choose? That didn’t even make sense. And low and behold I am still with my boyfriend after all of those years. Did I ever stay in touch with the friend? No. They moved across the country and had their own things. Any time I reached out I was met with ignoring messages and not even acknowledged. When you have a friend like this chances are they are telling you this because they know that you are drifting away and this is their last ditch effort to bring you back in to their circle. Most times it isn’t worth it and you shouldn’t have choose between a friend and a relationship.

The “User” friend could also be considered in the last friend I talked about in the ultimatum part. The problem with these types of people in your life is that they don’t normally take everything at once. They take little by little and then they never give back. Ive had people like this who use my kindness and use me for things. This became ever so evident once I got my license. People would always call when they want you to drive them somewhere but they would conveniently pay for gas on pay day, they would say they would give you something in return but not have that at the time. It is always a “Ill hit you back next time” when that next time never comes. Typically when they have acquired enough debt so to speak (Not necessarily money) they disappear. I seen this with people who used others as it is a lot easier to see them do this to others than to yourself. The faster you see this the easier it is to let go and move on.

Regardless of which friend you are walking away from or whatever the reason may be. It sucks. There is no easy way to do it. Some people I stopped talking to I had talked to for years. And it is hard. Especially if you talk frequently or daily. You grab a phone to dial their number or text or message online, and you stop yourself because you don’t want to bring that back. I will say though, The longer you aren’t talking to this individual, the easier it is to not talk to them again. It may be a struggle at first and you have to take every inch of will power to not contact them. But after time passes and you can look at it with a fresh perspective, You will be so happy to be gone!

Do you have friends you have left before? What were your reasons and do you regret it?

Let me know in the comments below!

-StaySeeJ