Anyone could tell you that having a baby is tough. Whether or not you have children you can imagine the turmoil that you have by bringing another life into an equation. People always talk about how cute a baby is, or how well they are, and sleeping habits being great that no one ever really talks about the not so nice things happening. There are for sure ups and downs when it comes to raising a newborn up til they move out and head to collage. I’m going to talk about my opinions on this and if you are already questioning your decisions maybe this will either help or hinder your thoughts on whether or not you should bring a baby into your relationship or not.
If your relationship is rocky, or strained, or you have any major issues that routinely arise I would strongly suggest NOT having a baby. I don’t mean if you have the argument weekly about the dishes being left tin the sink. I also don’t mean who left the laundry to be folded instead of folding it themselves. Bringing a baby into a relationship that is already rocky will not help anyone out. Not to mention do you really want to be bringing in another life to something that is extremely hard already? You will no doubt argue and fight about more then the baby. Sure, there will be a honeymoon phase of the new baby where you are showing them off, or you are trying to share the joy of your little one. Give it a few weeks of little to no sleep, different parenting styles, housework being pushed a bit away, and things like that before you REALLY decide whether or not you have made a smart or a not so smart decision.
One of the hardest parts about having a baby is realizing that you no longer “own” your time. Your life now revolves around another human being for essentially the rest of your life or in the very least when they are 18 years old. Realizing this sooner than later is probably for the best but it is an adjustment. This means the time you used to spend with your partner may be dashed in half. especially depending if they are back to work right away.
Adjusting to life with a new baby alone is hard. Doing it while in a relationship is also hard too. However, I will say in the beginning when my son was very very little I had mentioned to my boyfriend multiple times I have no idea how single parents do this. It was extremely hard to wrap my head around doing things alone. Especially when you are so sore and healing in the first few weeks. And you want to sleep whenever the baby does too! Not to mention, if you have multiple kids and are unable to sleep so easily too since the other child will be awake and running around too!
One thing that I found to be incredible for my relationship since having a baby (And planning on having another one hopefully in the near future too!) is having a Date Night. I am lucky that my partner has a 9-5 job and weekends off so the day can never change however if your spouse has a schedule that changes that is okay too! We have a date night every Saturday night where once our son goes to sleep we watch a movie, we watch some TV shows, we sometimes sit on our phones and just talk about things, we look at houses since we are buying, we laugh or just hang out. Whatever we chose to do we do it together. No video games, nothing else. I think this has helped us INCREDIBLY in keeping close. Finding time to appreciated each other can be challenging when you have a little one.
This wont be as easy if you have a new born since they still wake quite frequently how we still watched shows while he slept on the bassinet beside us. Then what we would do is that we would still watch things but he would be right beside is. Not that he is a year old and sleeping regularly it is nice that on the weekend we have this day together. Whether or not we get special snacks or meals to enjoy once our son is asleep too.
As a couple who I was lucky enough for my partner to take off 9 months (I was not working) when our son was born, and being stuck inside the house due to covid restrictions I can honestly say that there has been some tough points. Being stuck in the same vicinity as your partner unable to show the world your new bundle of joy even to family has been hard. I do feel like am closer to my partner for the fact that we shared the moment of giving birth together. Would this have saved a relationship on the rocks? Probably not. But for him and I being together for over 10 years this was a huge moment and a new thing we both got to experience together.
It is important to remember, before bringing a baby into the world you should have a great base to be able to have the most stable life this tiny human can have. We all know a family or two that had been struggling and brought new people into the world and you wonder, why the heck they thought bringing a new baby into that would be a good idea? Don’t let yourself be that family people mention and feel bad for. Give your child the best start at life that you possibly can! This includes having a great relationship or maybe a stable house if you aren’t in a solid relationship either.
I would also like to point out also, having a stable and solid relationship doesn’t have to mean with someone sexually or romantically. It could mean having a stable and supportive system in place to help you along on this journey too. Maybe it is family or friends who have had children before that you can ask them questions or concerns they arise as your little one grows, or someone you can even confide in when you have challenging things pop up in the new parent life.
And remember, YOU CAN DO IT! Even if things seem to be tough, You can do this!
Was your relationship in a good spot when you decided to have kids?
We’re you a single parent or in a relationship?
Let me know in the comments below!
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