As you may or may not know based on the MANY blogs I have wrote about this, Weight loss for me is hard. For more reasons than I would like to admit. Before I start, This is not a way for me to make excuses and what not. This is me putting out my struggle with my weight in to the world to see if I can make changes, Be held accountable. And maybe if you decide to follow the journey that I am going to be doing you will be inspired to figure out your own healthy lifestyle in the process as well too!

I am a very picky eater. In fact, There is probably more that I don’t eat than things that I do. From meat, The only things I eat there are processed fish sticks, chicken nuggets, chicken breast and sometimes different parts of a chicken and hotdogs ( if you even call it meat) and bacon.. Which obviously I do not eat really that often. I do like some nuts and seeds though so that helps. As far as veggies go, I eat potatoes very rarely and sometimes sweet potato fries. Fruits I don’t eat anything. I will drink orange juice or apple juice and VERY rarely smoothies but it really depends on how I feel for that as well. I would say I love pastas and cheese and dairy but anything really different I just do not eat complicated “adult” meals. As a kid I did eat a lot more but as I got older my parents went with the “Don’t eat this no dessert” And I just never had dessert. No one was forcing me! It also is a texture thing for me as well. I don’t eat certain things because they are too “gooey”. This is probably why I don’t like pudding or jello as well. It boggles my boyfriends mind that I will drink a David’s Tea blend with dried fruits and things but I wont eat the fruit itself. It is a little weird right?

Also before you are all “BuT wHy DoNt YoU JuSt EaT tHiNgS” it really isn’t that simple at all. I have almost an anxiety over trying new food. If I want to try something I have to mentally prepare for it for at least a few days and how I will make it. I also have a thing with sizes. When I see a whole chicken breast I feel like it is just SOO much to eat at once. But if I was to chop that same chicken breast up into small pieces and say pan fry it with some honey garlic sauce that would be more appealing to me. As far as meat goes, I have no desire really to eat a burger or steak while pork just sounds gross to me. I wouldn’t ever be a vegetarian however I would be down for mostly being one I guess?

I am my own worst enemy. I eat when I am happy and I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am bored and I eat when I am busy. And Im not talking meals Im talking like I am just snacking on chips, chocolate, junk food, and all mindless. A big setback for me is I smoke weed. I can do extremely well all day counting calories and really hammering down on working out and as soon as I have a puff I ruin it in the span of an hour and a half. Which is not healthy on more levels than one. Going forward I will only be smoking on days that I record one of my baked beauty and the occasional weekends as well too. I need to stop munching so much if I am unable to control myself. Its not worth it. I need to have self control and really get back to basics. I also need to focus on doing things with my hands which I got some new plastic canvas and have been killing pinterest for patterns and things as well too.

As I sit here writing this I had previously wrote half of the blog and wrote the other half now, I am a bit buzzed and ruined my calories in the span of about 45 minutes. I really need to be strict with myself. I don’t even think I would say half the problem is smoking weed. I would say its that I love candy and chocolate and eating it is well, I’m sure you can understand. This weekend when this releases on November 14th, I will be for sure planning my recording days til the end of the year. That way I can have designated days where I have a puff. Soon enough as well my boyfriend will be going back to work and since I don’t smoke in the day or when I am alone with my son I won’t be smoking as much. We will both be taking a day on the weekend to sleep in but through the week we have to be up early and I don’t want to be super beat and tired for that! (I am tired writing this since I was up at 5am though! haha)

I can do this. I have high goals. Here they are. It wont be easy but it will be so rewarding when I get there. Currently I am approx 239.9 pounds. I know. It disgusts me as well.
By the end of November Id like to be under 230 pounds.
By the end of December I would like to be under 220 pounds.
By the end of January I would like to be under 210 pounds.
I am speaking this into existence and hopefully it will trigger something to really hammer down and help me be motivated in this. I need to get this done before we have another baby. When they talk about sugar and things being addictive they really are. And until you are addicted to it, you never really know!

Thanks for reading, I will try my best to do this! And document progress. Maybe what I learn and do will help others!

-StaySeeJ08