Tag Archives: losing it

Welcome to the New Weekly Blog Segment!

As some of you amazing readers may remember, last year I started a series of blogs for something I called “Weight Loss Wednesdays”. This was a series I wanted to do for 12 weeks to document my weight loss and hopefully help others along in theirs. I also wanted a little spot to hold myself accountable by making sure that I was keeping on track. I ended up stopping this series due to the fact that I had gotten pregnant with my second son (If you are interested in his crazy birth story you can check it out here!). I did not feel that it was a good idea to be putting weight loss so high up as a priority being pregnant. Not to mention, I was also very nauseous and had major food aversion with him too! So the project was ultimately stopped after so many weeks.

Guess what?


Starting in 2022, every Thursday I will be writing a specific blog in regards to mental health, weight loss, exercise, and overall health.

When I started the original series I wanted to share my journey with you all, or anyone who would listen. I want to being this back. We will be hopefully trying for a 3rd child after our youngest is a year (Just like we did when our 1st turned a year also!) And so that gives me an entire year to really hammer down and get my stuff under control. I would like to be under 200lbs. Which give or take would be anywhere from 30-40lbs depending on what I will weight on the 1st week. I will still be doing measurements every 2 weeks with weight loss goals and things being set up on the 1st week. This also should be around the time that I become fully healed from having my 1st cesarean section and am able to do things again. I will be talking about mental health and reflection as a mom of 2 boys and a spouse as well too.

A big part of me wanting to share this journey is that so often we talk about weight loss as being about numbers. The scale, calories, cheat days, etc. There is an overall health aspect to this that I would like to also focus on too. Sometimes it can be nice to vent or express some frustrations with life in a way that others for sure are feeling too. I would eventually love to see people relate to me and find some sort of peace reading that they too are not alone also. I know it does sound crazy of course but I think it could be a very big success to others.

Success! You're on the list.

As you can read in this blog here from a while ago, I am a very picky eater. I do not eat conventional meals or even foods. I barely eat meat. I don’t really eat veggies. And fruits are mainly in the form of juices. However this year I hope to slowly change that or at least broaden some of my eating habits. I will include recipes as well to things I regularly eat and I will do my best to include the triumphs and set backs. I don’t want to call them failures because even trying something new is a major mental hurdle that calling it a failure may really set me back in my mindset.

Exercise is another thing that I want to really be active about. Being a mom of two boys now I do not want to be the mom sitting on the sidelines because she gets winded after playing for 40 seconds. I want to be the mom that can out play them with energy too. As I write this it will be nearing the end (hopefully!) Of healing in terms of my last pregnancy and the way it unexpectedly ended (which you can also read it here, I was terrified!). I do have an elliptical so I am all set in terms of starting again. The hardest part for me I think will be finding a time to workout. As well as balancing things. Ideally I would like to work out between 4-5 days per week. 5 being the goal. And 4 being the minimum. Anything over 5 days per week will be awesome!

I will be using my new agenda (read all about the top 3 things I look for in a new agenda here if you want to know why I am able to use it for weight loss too!) To write in the daily part for my calories and exercise. It will be mainly a more relaxed approach with a focus on just how I am feeling over all not just physically. I think it will be a lot easier to just use my agenda for this instead of making a new journal all of the time. That is a pain in the butt. No joke. And a waste of time. I seriously and going to try to optimize my time in 2022 to use it to the full potential. I know if I keep up I can so it for sure!

So there you have it! I will be writing the first post for this weekly health blog on Thursday, January 6th, 2022. Which so happens to be when I have a doctors appointment for a 6 week post pregnancy check up. I will say that it may be up a little bit later as in the afternoon but that is okay as I will update my appointment in there and how I have healed etc. Hopefully everything will be alright and I can say that I drove myself to the appointment too! I am looking forward to this next chapter and bringing everyone along with me!

What are somethings you remind yourself of when you need motivation for becoming a healthier version of yourself?

Let me know in the comments below, I would love to hear your experiences!

Weight Loss Wednesday #2 Jan 21st/2021-Feb 3nd/2021 [20 days]

I need to be held accountable. Simple as that.

I have decided to do so, I will be bringing you along the weight loss journey. We recently have gotten AMAZING News about moving back to my home province so that means weight loss before baby number 2. And I mean I have to hammer down NOW! I will be writing blogs every other Wednesday til about June or so when we move. Every 2 weeks I will update (with pictures!!)

Three criteria: Days I smoked weed, Days I exercised, and Days under calories (Max 1500). Along with triumphs and struggles. And updated side and front photos too. Normally I pick subjects and write about them and if they become relevant schedule them or write about a current subject as it pops up. Not this time. Chances are you are reading this blog and it was written last night. I will have photos of calendars that I will be filling out to see things easier and an overview of how I am doing. I wont be typing up what exactly I eat in a day as I do not have the time to do that but this will be a good overview for all you visual readers! Simple “X” Day’s mean that I failed at the calendar’s goals. While if I pass I will briefly fill it in. If I am under my calories I will Highlight it with a marker, if I don’t smoke weed it will be colored in, and if I exercise I will briefly write it in ie: Elliptical 40 mins, Exercise DVD, etc. and I will write a reflection on each calendar and then a brief spot after for my struggles and victories of the week!

If you are someone who is familiar with my blogs you know that I struggle with weight loss, I have most of my life and recently wrote about it too, You can read that blog here.

My low goal is to lose 30lbs before we move. Which is no over-reaching. If I lose anywhere from 30-50lbs that would be a major bonus for me. My starting weight is 242.4lbs. I know. I feel like a whale and need to take control of myself again. The goal before baby number 2 is cooking in there is under 210lbs. It is totally doable I just need to hammer down and stop eating my feelings, good and bad.

**** If some of this is repeating the new info is below, you can read the first blog post here regarding the weight loss journey!

Current Weight : 237.0lbs (DOWN 5.4lbs)
Waist -47.0 Inches (No Change)
Hips -53.5 Inches (Down .5 Inches)
Bust – Over – 45.5 Inches (Down .5 Inches)
-Under – 41.5 INches (UP 2.0 Inches)
Thighs – Left – 30.5 Inches (No Change)
-Right – 39.5 Inches (UP .5 Inches)
Arms – Left – 14.5 Inches (UP 1.0 Inches
– Right- 14.5 Inches (No Change)

Exercise Log

No description available.

Old Goal: Workout 8 out of 14 Days
10 Days worked out!
Having completed the goal of working out I think I will probably stick to this again. I find workout is not nearly a problem for me. I put on a show on my Computer where my Elliptical is and I just go to town. I find this time to be passed faster watching a show and fully getting deep into it. Currently I am watching the Vampire Diaries which when I am done if I can find it on Amazon Prime I will hopefully be watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the 5th time or something. I like watching shows with female leads that have the body shape I want. I find it to be motivating when I can picture myself striving for that!
New goal: 10 out of 14 days worked out!

Under Calories

No description available.

Old Goal: 10 out of 14 days Under Calories
6 Days out of 14 were under calories.
This is a struggle for me however I am confident that the next 2 weeks will be great! I will like to add that there were some days there that were JUST over 1500 calories so technically they were over but if I worked out that day and counted the calories burned from the workout I would have been safe in terms of under. However I don’t workout and add those calories in I just count calories and let the workout speak for itself. The only day I can really foresee being over calories is Valentines day since we will probably be ordering in some food however that is basically all. Maybe an added cheat day. I set a goal below but will try to be under a lot more also too!
New goal is 10 days out of 14 under calories.

Days Smoked Weed

No description available.

As you can see smoking weed was a bit better. Many more no smoking days than before however I still smoked over the 4 max smoking day limit I set for myself. Thankfully for me a friend of mine and I have a little competition going for February. She won’t be drinking Wine and I wont be smoking weed. Little does she know I think she will cave before me, but don’t tell her that! So the new goal is NO weed at all for February hopefully we see lots of colors showing no weed days!


Have been over eating. However when I do over eat the days haven’t all collided together which I am happy about. I didn’t completely self sabotage myself this time only a little bit. Smoking weed is a challenge as well and I hope by not smoking in February that will really help me to jump start my weight loss. If I can be under 225 by the end of the month or really close that will be a huge motivator in itself for me!


A major victory for me is working out. I think I am back into a steady routine now that it will really help me to keep going. I never had a problem with working out when I get in to the habit of doing it, the problem for me was food and over eating to the point my work out was just maintaining my weight it was never helping to lose it. I cannot wait to see where I am at the end of the month with no smoking weed!


I am finally in a place where I can say I am excited about weight loss. If I can do this correctly and really stick to my guns about over eating, no weed, and working out I think February will be a fantastic month for me. My goal is to be around 225 pounds by the end or even close would be good. Then if I keep at a 10lb weight loss. End of March would be around 215 pounds and end of February would be 205 pounds. This will be huge for me before we try for a second baby and I couldn’t be happier! Here is to a kick butt month!


I struggle with weight loss.

As you may or may not know based on the MANY blogs I have wrote about this, Weight loss for me is hard. For more reasons than I would like to admit. Before I start, This is not a way for me to make excuses and what not. This is me putting out my struggle with my weight in to the world to see if I can make changes, Be held accountable. And maybe if you decide to follow the journey that I am going to be doing you will be inspired to figure out your own healthy lifestyle in the process as well too!

I am a very picky eater. In fact, There is probably more that I don’t eat than things that I do. From meat, The only things I eat there are processed fish sticks, chicken nuggets, chicken breast and sometimes different parts of a chicken and hotdogs ( if you even call it meat) and bacon.. Which obviously I do not eat really that often. I do like some nuts and seeds though so that helps. As far as veggies go, I eat potatoes very rarely and sometimes sweet potato fries. Fruits I don’t eat anything. I will drink orange juice or apple juice and VERY rarely smoothies but it really depends on how I feel for that as well. I would say I love pastas and cheese and dairy but anything really different I just do not eat complicated “adult” meals. As a kid I did eat a lot more but as I got older my parents went with the “Don’t eat this no dessert” And I just never had dessert. No one was forcing me! It also is a texture thing for me as well. I don’t eat certain things because they are too “gooey”. This is probably why I don’t like pudding or jello as well. It boggles my boyfriends mind that I will drink a David’s Tea blend with dried fruits and things but I wont eat the fruit itself. It is a little weird right?

Also before you are all “BuT wHy DoNt YoU JuSt EaT tHiNgS” it really isn’t that simple at all. I have almost an anxiety over trying new food. If I want to try something I have to mentally prepare for it for at least a few days and how I will make it. I also have a thing with sizes. When I see a whole chicken breast I feel like it is just SOO much to eat at once. But if I was to chop that same chicken breast up into small pieces and say pan fry it with some honey garlic sauce that would be more appealing to me. As far as meat goes, I have no desire really to eat a burger or steak while pork just sounds gross to me. I wouldn’t ever be a vegetarian however I would be down for mostly being one I guess?

I am my own worst enemy. I eat when I am happy and I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am bored and I eat when I am busy. And Im not talking meals Im talking like I am just snacking on chips, chocolate, junk food, and all mindless. A big setback for me is I smoke weed. I can do extremely well all day counting calories and really hammering down on working out and as soon as I have a puff I ruin it in the span of an hour and a half. Which is not healthy on more levels than one. Going forward I will only be smoking on days that I record one of my baked beauty and the occasional weekends as well too. I need to stop munching so much if I am unable to control myself. Its not worth it. I need to have self control and really get back to basics. I also need to focus on doing things with my hands which I got some new plastic canvas and have been killing pinterest for patterns and things as well too.

As I sit here writing this I had previously wrote half of the blog and wrote the other half now, I am a bit buzzed and ruined my calories in the span of about 45 minutes. I really need to be strict with myself. I don’t even think I would say half the problem is smoking weed. I would say its that I love candy and chocolate and eating it is well, I’m sure you can understand. This weekend when this releases on November 14th, I will be for sure planning my recording days til the end of the year. That way I can have designated days where I have a puff. Soon enough as well my boyfriend will be going back to work and since I don’t smoke in the day or when I am alone with my son I won’t be smoking as much. We will both be taking a day on the weekend to sleep in but through the week we have to be up early and I don’t want to be super beat and tired for that! (I am tired writing this since I was up at 5am though! haha)

I can do this. I have high goals. Here they are. It wont be easy but it will be so rewarding when I get there. Currently I am approx 239.9 pounds. I know. It disgusts me as well.
By the end of November Id like to be under 230 pounds.
By the end of December I would like to be under 220 pounds.
By the end of January I would like to be under 210 pounds.
I am speaking this into existence and hopefully it will trigger something to really hammer down and help me be motivated in this. I need to get this done before we have another baby. When they talk about sugar and things being addictive they really are. And until you are addicted to it, you never really know!

Thanks for reading, I will try my best to do this! And document progress. Maybe what I learn and do will help others!


My Personal Stream/Life Goals For 2020

Whoa! Whose this writing a blog, being informative and putting more time in to something that I don’t have time to do. If you are already here you basically know who I am. If not I would suggest clicking the “Who Am I” tab near the top for the quick facts! For the record, We will do our best to keep things PG13 in the sense that there will not be any swear words to discover in these writings, However there will be strong opinions and stances on topics mostly related to gaming however with life ever impacting things there will also be topics slide in there too!

Setting goals on whatever subject can legit be a tough thing to do. Whether they are about streaming, gaming, life, weight loss or any other type of goals. Firstly, a person has to think about which type of goals do they want, You have 2 choices (At least I’m my opinion, Keep it simple!) Short term and long term goals. There are also medium term goals but I normally focus on short and long for myself. Medium can be harder to really establish since they still have to be achievable while still being motivating as well too.

For myself, I will be setting short term goals and long term ones for the year 2020. My short term ones will be changing and evaluated every month. I keep track of stats for streaming and see how I am doing. Example: How is my viewers, Do I have growth? How is my social presence? After the month I check where I am at and see what I need to do. Ask myself questions like, If I didn’t reach a goal why didn’t I reach it? Was I slacking on twitter? Did I slack on hours for streaming so I wasn’t available for people to watch the stream? Those are how I set short term goals. I make sure that they are attainable. I also make sure that at the end of the month I’m not going to be let down. Say you are at 500 followers on twitch or twitter, Setting a goal short term of wanting to hit 1000 or 1500 in a month is SUPER unrealistic. And normally not attainable. That would be more like a 6 month goal (Medium term) or even better a 12 month goal (Long term). When these types of unreachable goals are unmet at the end of the month it makes it harder to continue and is a good reason to give up. Especially if you sometimes find it easy to be hard on yourself and can lose motivation really easily (Like myself!).

Long term ones are a bit harder. You have to almost predict your future and see how you do in a sense. Ask yourself, Where do I see myself at this very moment a year from now? For me, It is a bit tricky for sure considering in March we will be having our first baby. Long term is more like a feeling for me. Which contradicts my whole previous written stance on goals. My goal long terms it so continue to retain social media presence and a “Semi” Regular stream schedule. Which we all know will be impossible or at least next to that, BUT for me it will be more like, Stream 50 hours a month. Whenever and whatever. I will probably be doing more laid back things, Like a simulator game or even reacting to videos in “Just Chatting”. It will be more laid back and probably times when a webcam will not be used due to the fact that breast feeding (However long I decide to do it) while on cam is just not for me. (And if people do it then so be it! I just am not going to be that person!).

Here is the point form of goals I will be setting for myself on all platforms I wish to focus on:

Short term goals, To be checked at the end of every month.
1 post of discord link a day
1 Question/Poll a day
1 Photo a day of anything
1 Going live tweet (If going live on that day)
25+ Followers per month

2 Clips a week (Mon/Fri)
3 Going live posts (Sun/Tue/Wed)
1 Blog Screen shot (Thurs)
1 Random video post (Sat)

25+ Followers per month
50-80 hours streamed per month (Closer to 50 hours after baby is born)
1 giveaway of a steam key per month (Minimum)

Long term goals:
4750 followers by December 31st 2020
35k tweets by December 31st 2020

25k Followers by December 31st 2020
1200 Posts/Clips etc by December 31st 2020

3500 Followers by December 31st 2020
10-20 Average viewers by December 31st 2020 (As baby grows)

With that being said, These are my goals. I will be trying to re-check as it goes since obviously having a baby is a HUGE change in anyone’s life. Long term goals may change slightly just depends on how they go and what not.

Another change that will be happening is a minor schedule change, From Sunday-Wednesday. And one stream of 10am-4pm as well too. 6 hours a day and 4 days a week. I think the transition will be great in terms of trying to take more of a backseat/support role as well for when the baby is born.

Whether you want to to make short term, long term, random goals. Goals are great in helping a person stay on track. I cant wait to hear what YOUR goals are and what they are about and how you are going to reach them too! Remember it is also important to note that there will be months that aren’t as productive as other months, and some months your stats may soar where others months they may flop. THAT IS OKAY! Don’t panic and keep on track! May 2020 be a year to accomplish different things and reach new heights!